The Odd Adventures Of Haruka, Michiru, and Setsuna
by Lady Grizabella
Summary: Wacky adventures in everyday life, as seen by Haruka and her girls. 22nd Story: Don't Do It, Michiru! A Short Holiday Fable. Small Hotaru cameo.
1. Spring Comes Early! Haruka Up A Tree

Happy Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon. Then again, no one else on this site does either. I will say that if anything in this story sounds like a quote or similar to a situation in any other fic, it is completely unintentional. __

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Spring Comes Early! Haruka Up A Tree 

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I was lounging on the bed I shared with Michiru one hot spring afternoon. I stared out the nearby window gloomily, watching…ugh…nature. I had always been more of a city girl and the chirping of the birds and the buzzing of the insects honestly made me nervous. Plus, it was hot for April. Way too hot, in my opinion. The heat kept me from wearing my normal slacks, which meant that my legs were exposed to the world, making me feel generally naked. I don't love my sailor uniform for the same reason, although I put up with it. So there I was sprawled, in shorts and a tank top, staring at the birds…and Michiru. 

Michiru was definitely the most interesting thing outside, and that would ever be outside. She was standing outside the window with a parasol to keep the hot sun off her head and shoulders, her sundress blowing lightly in the breeze. Not many girls can use an actual parasol and look natural, but if anyone could pull it off, it was my Michi. 

Then Setsuna ran by with a kite. And my love for spring depleted even further. 

~*~

Don't get me wrong…I love the warm weather. Warm, mind you, not hot. This morning, I woke up, threw on some clothes (pants and one of my sporty tank tops), and found Michiru in the kitchen, already dressed and ready to go. She was keen on being up to greet the dawn. Setsuna and I were the lazy ones. But on this day, I wanted nothing more than to be out in my car, the wind in my hair, Michiru by my side, with the kid in the back (if you can really refer to Setsuna as that…). Since Hotaru had gone back to live with her father for awhile, we three had really bonded and liked to do things together, meaning someone had to force Setsuna to participate when she would rather fiddle with her computer or nap. Naturally, Michiru insisted that Setsuna come with us for the morning drive, and the job of waking her up and bringing her out to the car fell to me. I'm lucky like that. 

Being the loving 'sister' that I am, I headed into her bedroom, lifted her sleeping figure right out of bed, joyfully carried her through the house and tossed her into the backseat of the car with a giggle. "Setsuna's here, dear!" 

"Hey, wha'?" Our groggy little darling sat up and noticed she was still in her summer nightgown and that, for some reason, she was in the back of the car and not in her bed. "Haruka! What…?"

"Step on it!" laughed Michiru (I love it when she talks like that!), and I floored it. I kept expecting to feel the legendary Time Staff slam into the back of my head with a vengeance, but Setsuna actually seemed to enjoy the ride once she was fully awake. 

~*~

Then it got hot. Very hot. Dreadfully hot. Stinking damn hot. Once we got back to the house, it had to be a hundred degrees outside. Michiru put on as little clothing as possible (the wind senshi is not complaining) and went outside to walk in her garden and do all those dignified Michiru things she liked to do. Meanwhile, everything I liked to do required speed and sweat, so I had taken up my spot lounging on my bed. And then, Setsuna ran by with the aforementioned kite. 

I raised an eyebrow and crawled closer to the windowsill. "Michiru?" I called through the screen. 

Michiru turned and her bright eyes peered at me from under the parasol. "Yes, love?"

"Is Setsuna…all right?" I personally thought that Setsuna died and came back to life one too many times, and she was going to go nuts on us any day. For as much time as she spent in her room, she had equal spurts of childish glee. Not that I don't. I'm a handful. But coming from Setsuna it was even more hysterical. 

Michiru watched Setsuna run with the kite streaming behind her. "Well, she seems happy enough." Michiru thought Setsuna was just precious. Especially since our earth bodies had passed hers in age, even though she was technically thousands of years older. 

I soon received a sight as _Michiru_ took hold of the kite string and started to run with it. Then they both took a hold of the string and ran together, Michiru still clinging to her parasol. I hunted desperately for a camera, while keeping an eye on them out of the window. Suddenly a cry went up from outside and I leapt to the window again. "What? What happened?"

The girls were standing beneath a nearby tree, both of them wailing in disappointment. Their kite had gotten stuck high in the tree. I couldn't help but roll over on the bed laughing. They looked for all the world like two unhappy children.

Michiru's voice cut off my laughter quickly. "Haruka Tenoh! You get out here and climb this tree and stop laughing at us!" 

I was startled. "What? Why do I have to do it?"

"You're good at climbing trees," Setsuna said matter-of-factly. 

I sighed and hobbled out of the house into the heat. "How did you two manage to do this, anyway?" I asked irritably.

Michiru crossed her arms. "Don't patronize us, Haruka!"

I wisely shut up. Michiru could have a fiery temper despite her calm demeanor, and I would hate to think what Setsuna would do to me if _she_ got angry. I started to climb the tree as my girls looked on lovingly, hands clasped in front of them in a hopeful gesture. The things I do out of devotion. 

I was halfway up the tree when a voice startled me. I nearly lost my balance and only just managed to grab onto a branch with one hand. "Who's there?" I bellowed. 

A blonde head with two long pigtails popped into view. The scary person was wearing a red ninja suit with a hood, and hanging upside down from a branch by her knees. "Usagi!" I tried to catch my breath.

She spoke in a mystical ninja voice. "Greetings! It is I, the Red Ninja!" She swung slightly on the branch her legs were hooked over. I knew she was going to fall down and kill herself before the day was out.

"What are you doing? Crazy kid!" I loved Usagi, but frankly she had scared the crud out of me. I started my climb again. My girls were starting to look bored from their place on the ground. I felt like the day's entertainment. 

"I'm watching out for spies and other evil forces. The Red Ninja sees all." Usagi gave me a shifty look and stuck out her tongue a bit in a goofy manner. Obviously nothing better to do on a Saturday. "What brings you up a tree, Senshi of the Wind?" she asked me.

I pointed up at the kite. "Well, Senshi of the Meatball, Suna and Michi have been having a bit of spring fever. I, being 'manly', was instructed to climb this tree to retrieve that kite." 

Usagi gulped. "So high."

"Yes." I hauled myself up onto another branch. "You'd better get down before Michiru gets out the hose. She won't appreciate you peering in our windows, even if there _are_ evil spirits about." I winked at her and watched as she started her decent down, petrified of Michiru. I counted down from ten. "…Four…three…two…one…"

"AHHHHHHHH!" And a crash. Usagi had fallen out of the tree, just as I had figured. 

"Right on time," I muttered and stretched to reach the kite. 

The girls were fanning Usagi and trying to pull her to her feet when I pulled the kite free and let it float down to them. "There you go!" I found myself ignored. "HEY!"

Michiru looked up at me. "Oh, sweetie, how nice of you to get that for us!"

Setsuna, who was cradling Usagi's head in her lap, rested one hand against her chin in thought. "I guess one of us could have just transformed and blasted it out of the tree with our attack, but it was really very nice of you to make the climb. We might have damaged the kite, otherwise."

I narrowed my eyes at them. "Tomorrow morning, Suna, you're going to find yourself in the cold water-filled bathtub…not the car!" Her garnet eyes widened visibly. 

Michiru raised an eyebrow. "Tell her that and she'll lock her door and never come out again."

"And _you_, Love, _you_ get to sleep on the couch!" Neither of us had actually ever slept on the couch, but it was a fun threat. 

She planted her hands on her hips. "You wouldn't dare!"

I started to laugh. "We'll see, won't we?" I quickly transformed into Uranus and leapt out of the tree, landing easily on my feet. It never worked quite so well when I was powered down. "So, who's going to take the Red Ninja back home to her family?" I looked down at a partially conscious Usagi, who muttered: "Only one lump, please." 

Michiru seemed to be feeling more charitable. "I will…if I can take the car." 

I sighed. It just wasn't my day. "You can take the car…but be caref-!" I never got to finish, since Michiru had taken off at a run to grab the keys. I lifted and deposited the Red Ninja in the front seat of my car and looked at Setsuna who seemed to be back to her normal melancholy self. "Nap time?"

"Quite." 

I threw an arm around her shoulder and we headed into the house to sprawl on the family room sofas and blot out the rest of the day. I hoped to God it would be winter again by the time we woke up. Anything to get out of these shorts! 

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Hey all! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of many. Sorry to all Hotaru fans. I never have much for Hotaru to do, so I decided she would go live with her father again, like she could have very well done in the anime after Stars. Well, I would have gone to live with poor Professor Tomoe again. He was sweet and handsome and he loved Hotaru so much. 

The Red Ninja refers to that episode in SuperS when Mamoru stays over at Rei's temple and Usagi is hanging around in a ninja costume, spying on them. In the dub, she called herself the Red Ninja. She was so funny. 

Just as a note for one of my reviews, this fic isn't supposed to make a great deal of sense. That's what makes it a wacky outer fic. It's supposed to look at a normal day in the life of Haruka in a rather kooky way. So don't expect really developed plots, okay? :) Just take it for what it is. It's written for pure enjoyment purposes. 

Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews! Next part coming soon. 

The accompanying illustration (please take out the spaces between the backslashes. This thing hates urls): _www.angelfire.com__ / anime / deathchild / images / suna_michi_ruka_kite.gif _

~Lady Grizabella

setsuna_haruka_michiru@yahoo.com 


	2. What's That Buzzing! Outers Run Like Hec...

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What's That Buzzing?! Outers Run Like Heck
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On the first warm day in May, Michiru decided we were all going out for a family outing. It was to be our last little carefree fling before we went out and got jobs. Michiru believed we were all being too lazy, and our bank accounts were slowly depleting. I didn't notice so much, but Setsuna and Michiru were shop-aholics, and they were fast going broke. I figured I would get a job too, since I would be lonely alone at home all day, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. 

So on our last major weekend of freedom before the great job search, the three of us packed a lunch and went to the park. 

~*~

Michiru and I got up early (it was before noon…it was early), and coaxed a grumpy Setsuna out of bed. Michiru had words of wisdom for her. "If you didn't stay up all night online, you wouldn't be so sleepy."

Setsuna would not be outdone. "If you two hadn't retired to your room at nine o'clock last night to _do stuff_, I wouldn't have been bored and I wouldn't have gone online." 

Michiru blushed a fiery red color and dropped the subject. 

~*~

On the way to the park, I was in my element. Behind the wheel, the wind in my hair, the best looking girl in Tokyo by my side. I smiled winningly at Michiru, showing all my teeth. "You look scary when you do that," commented the grumpy Setsuna, who was stashed in the backseat with the picnic basket. She had her feet stretched out on the armrest between Michiru and me, her arms crossed. She glared from under dark sunglasses.

Michiru turned around and asked her seriously, "Do you have a hangover?" 

Setsuna smiled slightly. "No..." 

I started to cackle like it was a laugh-riot. "That would be so funny! I would love to see Setsuna with a hangover!" 

"Thanks," she grumbled, and leaned her head back against the seat.

"She's just tired," decided Michiru. "Here, Suna." She then produced a Tootsie Pop seemingly out of thin air and handed it back to the cranky time god. Setsuna took it without hesitation and commenced to sucking.

I gave Michiru a loving look. "Sweetie..."

She smiled. "Well, all right." She handed me a sucker too and I happily stuck it in my mouth.

~*~

When we got to the park I got out of the car and lifted the picnic basket. Michiru carried a picnic blanket, which left Setsuna with Nepu-Nepu, the family goldfish, who had been brought along for the day. When Michiru said "family outing" she meant the _whole_ family. Sometimes I think Michiru and Setsuna loved that fish more than me.

We found a lovely spot under a tree by a beautiful patch of tulips. Michiru was in raptures. "Oh, it's so gorgeous, Haruka!"

Setsuna made some indistinct noise and sprawled on her stomach next to the fishbowl. "I hear buzzing." 

Michiru looked around anxiously. "I'm not fond of bees."

"Don't worry about them. They won't bother us." I opened the picnic basket and pulled out a container of baked chicken. "Drumstick, Setsuna?"

"Haruka! Michiru!"

I jerked up my head. "Inners..." We all looked up to see Usagi, Ami, Rei, Makoto, and Minako standing there. As they looked at us, the air around Michiru and me seemed to sparkle and a mass of cherry blossoms drifted through the air as our hair fluffed out gorgeously in the magical breeze. The Inners swooned at us.

A pile of blossoms had come to rest on Setsuna's head. She glowered out from under them. "Why does it always do that?"

Michiru and I brushed blossoms off the chicken. "Beats me. It just does." 

"Wow, Haruka and Michiru!" Usagi had stars in her eyes. "We can't believe you're here! What are you doing?" 

"We're just having lunch." I muttered to Michiru under my breath, "Do we always have to be doing something fun and romantic?"

She whispered back, "To the Inners, our lives are nothing but fun and romance." 

Setsuna snorted and bit into a hard-boiled egg. 

"We're guy watching!" announced Minako.

"And telling fortunes," added Rei. 

Michiru answered them. She was always so good with people. I never knew quite what to say to the kids. I got by, of course, but somehow I always managed to make one of them mad. 

"How lovely!" Michiru exclaimed. "We were just having a family day out. It _is_ a beautiful day, after all, and

we wanted to be in the sunshine and the fresh air..." 

I held back laughter. The girls were hanging on her every word. They were still such children. "Hey!" I pinched Setsuna. "Those are my chips!"

"They are not! They're mine, and you know it!" She pinched me back.

"Are not!"

"Are too!" She shoved me over and sat on me. Anyway, as I was saying, the Inners were still such children....

"We're going to have our lunch. You girls have a good time, now." Michiru tilted her head, closed her eyes, and gave them that cheerful smile of hers. 

The Inners beamed at us and pulled the drooling Usagi away in the other direction. "But they had _cake_!" the blonde was whining. 

I tickled Setsuna until she rolled off me, convulsing with laugher, and I helped myself to lunch. "I love our princess, but she's still a kooky kid. I can't imagine doing anything as silly as the things they do."

"I hear buzzing again," said Michiru. 

~*~

When lunch was over, we pulled out the large cake that Usagi had been admiring. It was a delicious yellow cake with white frosting and pink and yellow candy roses on the top. "Mmm...my favorite part. Desert." I pulled out a butter knife and prepared to cut the cake. Suddenly, a giant bumblebee went flying onto the cake and sat there. The girls screamed, and even I scooted backwards a bit. I caught my breath and said, "Don't carry on, girls. It's just a little bee." 

Michiru clutched onto Setsuna. "That is the most GIGANTIC bee I've ever seen in my LIFE!" 

Setsuna couldn't get any words out at all from sheer terror.

"Oh, it's not that bad. I'll just brush it away."

"Don't get it angry!" squealed Michiru.

"We should just give up the cake for lost," Setsuna said, covering up Nepu-Nepu's bowl with a napkin to protect her from the bee. 

"It'll be okay. Watch." I lifted another napkin and swatted at the bee. "Go on, get away!" 

Setsuna and Michiru squealed again and hid their faces against each other's hair. 

As I swatted at the bee, it rose in the air and hovered in front of my face. I started to sweat. "Er...nice bee. Nice bee...so pretty and...YIKES!" I ducked. "That thing dive-bombed me!"

The girls screamed and jumped up, only to be cut down again as the bee made an attack on their heads. I jumped on them and tried to cover them both with my body, only to howl myself as the bee bounced off my head. Luckily I wasn't stung. That bee was so huge, I imagine it would kill us if it got us. "Hang on, I'll take care of it." I pulled off my shoe. The bee didn't appreciate my efforts. It dove at me and I screamed like the girl I was. 

By then, Setsuna had gotten her shoe off and she was wildly smacking at it. My lovely Michiru lay face down on the blanket. There was a distinct possibility that she was allergic to bees. "I'll protect you, Michiru! I'll never let you die!" 

She reached out her hand to me. "Love! I'll be happy as long as I'm with you! Please let me touch you." My beautiful Michiru…always so stoic in the face of death. 

I felt one of those special, heart-rending moments coming on that Haruka/Michiru fans loved, but Setsuna cut us short. "Not a good time!"

We snapped out of it. "Agreed." The bee made a wild attack on Michiru, and I pulled her out of the way by the arm. I looked up just in time to see Setsuna fall. "PUU!" I yelled. Was she...STUNG?

She got to one knee. "That's it. I'm stopping time! That's the only way to stop that bee! It's mad crazy and it will destroy the world! No one is safe." She pulled her Time Staff out of that invisible place we all envied. "TIME STO..."

I caught her hand. "That seems a little drastic." The bee made another dive at us. Michiru jumped to her feet and started to run. I wasted no time in following the example. "Run, Suna! Run like you've never run before!" Holding tightly to Setsuna's hand, we tore like heck across the park, the bee following just behind us.

We passed the Inners a few minutes later. "Hey, what are you...?" called Makoto. 

"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!" We tore by them without stopping to acknowledge them. We honestly didn't have the time to think. Michiru was screaming that she was going to die, and Setsuna kept trying to cough out the command to stop time, which would ultimately end her life. But I saw what I needed to save us from the bee. There was a creek running through the park directly in front of us. I put on an extra burst of speed, catching Setsuna up under my arm. Her eyes widened, but she said nothing. I lifted Michiru under my other arm with subhuman strength and threw the both of them into the creek. I then jumped in myself, and dove under the water, my cheeks puffed up with air. We all sat under the water for as long as we could - Me, Michiru, Setsuna, and the Time Staff - until hands pulled us up from the depths. As we were pulled over to the bank, spluttering, sopping wet, and freezing, we were starting to feel stupid. But we really had been in danger! 

It was the Inners who were fishing us, the "brilliant" Outers, out of the creek. As Ami helped pull Michiru out, she asked us, "What on earth were you all doing?"

I panted. "There was this bee...it was going to kill Michiru and Setsuna. I couldn't let them die."

Setsuna clung to her staff, her hair dripping all over everything. "It was after Haruka, too." 

Michiru held her hands apart to illustrate a large size. "It was HUGE!" 

Ami looked puzzled. "A bee? Do you mean that bee?" She pointed to this tiny bee that was serenely sitting on a nearby flower. It gave a little buzz and flew away. 

I looked at the retreating bee incredulously. "_That_ was the bee?" 

"That seems to be the only bee around," said Rei, studying the flowers.

I looked at my girls, who both seemed very interested in the ground, their faces bright red. "Er...I guess we'll just be going now." I started to stalk towards our picnic spot. I could hear Michiru cordially thanking the young girls for their help, and Setsuna echoing her before they followed me. I also noticed that those cherry blossoms did _not _show up like they normally did when we walked away from the Inners. 

Once they caught up, Michiru ran her fingers through my wet hair. "It's okay, love. It really did seem like a giant vicious bee."

~*~

On the way home we were pretty silent. I was feeling a bit pissy about the whole situation, and admittedly rather dumb. Plus, we were getting my car soaking wet. 

Setsuna finally broke the silence. "What a day, huh?" At least she didn't seem as cranky as before. 

Michiru nodded. "I'll say. What a horrible experience."

Setsuna pushed her wet bangs out of her eyes. "So, Haruka…do you think we've become a laughing stock?"

The girls looked at me for my opinion, which I decided to give them. We had to face the grim reality of what we had done. 

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair as we sped towards home and dry clothes. "Setsuna…Michiru…it's even worse than that. We've become _Inners_."

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Well, not everyone can have a good day, can they? lol For anyone who didn't get the last line, the Outers are often considered to be the more mature, sensible ones, when the Inners can be goofy and childish. In other words, the Outers showed very Inner-like behavior by running from the "scary" bee and jumping in the creek. Poor Haruka. She just can't win! And yes, they were OOC. A – They're supposed to be, and B – Everyone has to freak out about something. :) Anyway, I hope it made you smile. 

Until next time,

~Lady Grizzy

setsuna_haruka_michiru@yahoo.com

Accompanying Illustration (cut, paste, and take out the spaces please): www.angelfire.com / anime / deathchild / images / suna_ruka_michi_bee.gif


	3. Bad Haruka! Setsuna Puts On A Show

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Bad Haruka! Setsuna Puts On A Show
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One evening, while Michiru was in the kitchen doing the relentless dishes that I refused to do, I was bored out of my mind. This was not particularly abnormal, but it wasn't much fun. I was starting to feel a bit neglected. No one was talking to me. "Sweeeeeetiiiiiiiiiiie!" I called. "Are you almost done with the dishes yet?"

Michiru's reply was not sunny-happy. "No!" She sounded stressed. 

I shut up, but soon decided to bother someone else. "Hey, Setsuna? What's going on?" The omnipotent time god was sitting across from me on the sofa.

"Reading."

"Reading what?"

"Book."

"Is it any good?"

Grunt.

I threw myself back against my chair. "Quiet. Much too quiet in here." 

Silence from the guardian of the underworld.

Sighing, I picked myself up from my chair and headed into the kitchen. Michiru had her arms plunged elbow deep into soapy water, scrubbing viciously at an offending pan. I'd rarely seen her so intense. It made me feel rather hot. I decided that she needed some entertainment of sorts for her hard work. But what could I do? Take off all my clothes and burst into the kitchen naked? Hmm...enticing, but not bound to be well received at the moment. Best to at least wait until she was done with the dishes. In the meantime I decided to see if we had any popcorn buried deep in the forbidden cupboard. Why is it forbidden? Because if you sneak in there for snacks before dinner, Michiru hits you on the hand with whatever is in her reach, as Hotaru and I found out well one night when she was living with us. Thus, I was very stealthy as I opened the cupboard door and reached my arm in to sort through the delicious goodies. 

I shoved aside all the sweet things, looking for popcorn. Throwing stealth to the wind, I asked, "Michiru, do we have popcorn?"

She was still distracted. "If we have it, it'll be up there." 

"Mm." I reached to the very back of the cupboard, sticking my tongue out slightly. "I think...I've...found...it!" My hand came in contact with the box of microwave popcorn at the moment my eyes fell on something else. A bottle of Amaretto. "Michi...why do we have...?" I closed my mouth and narrowed my eyes, grinning. "We have Coke, don't we?" 

"In the fridge, love...." Michiru gave her pan a vicious scrub. 

I lifted out the popcorn, and then the bottle of alcohol, keeping it out of the sight range of Michiru. I then got out three glasses and a couple of Cokes. I started to pour the soda into the glasses, only I put a good deal of the Amaretto in one of them. After hiding the alcohol, I left one of the glasses on the counter for Michiru. "Here, love. I poured you a Coke."

She brushed a hand over her forehead, and blew air out. "Whew. Thank you, Ruka." Now that she was done with the dishes, she would be in a much better mood. "I'll be out in a little bit."

I smiled and carried the other two glasses out to the front room. I could practically feel the devil horns growing out of my blonde hair. "Oh, Setsuuuuuuuuuuna!" 

She looked up at me, one eyebrow raised. "What's that?"

I held out one of the glasses of Coke. "I brought you a drink. I thought you might be thirsty." 

She smiled at me. "Thanks." She took a sip and made a slight face. "What is this, Haruka?"

"It's...um...Cherry Coke. You like?" I smiled winningly.

She took another sip. "It's really good. I am terribly thirsty too." She started to drink it rapidly.

"There's plenty more, if you want more when you're done with that." I chuckled. That ought to make her more interesting to watch. "Plenty..."

~*~

In another hour, Michiru and I sat on the couch, both of us watching Setsuna, who was having a laugh attack. Michiru had come out of the kitchen to find Setsuna snickering over a picture in her book, which turned out to be about the planets. She was pointing at a picture of one of Saturn's moons and laughing hysterically. "Look at it! It's so funny!" 

"Er...do you think so, honey?" Michiru asked.

"Yes!" Setsuna laughed, and buried her head against the pages of the book. 

Now she was sprawled on her back on the carpet, cackling. I could hardly hold back my laughter. Setsuna looked up at us, after taking another long drink of 'Cherry Coke'. "So, Ruka, there was this guy...and he...and he...walked off a bridge...and he...DIED!" She cracked up and rolled over onto her stomach.

Michiru lifted an eyebrow. "That's pretty horrible, Setsuna..." 

"I don't know..._I_ think it's pretty funny." I leaned back my head and started to laugh.

Michiru glared at me. "What did you do to her?"

I grinned. "Why do you always assume it was me?" I stood up and tugged on Setsuna's hand. "I have a great idea. Why don't we put on a nice show for Michiru? She worked hard in the kitchen all evening, and I know she would _love_ it if we gave her some entertainment." 

"Yes!" laughed Setsuna. 

Michiru hopped up too, and helped pull Setsuna to her feet. "She's obviously not herself!"

I took Michiru's hands and settled her back on the couch. "Now, don't worry about Setsuna. I'm looking after her. Besides, she wants to put on a show for you."

"She can't walk straight!" Michiru argued. Just as she noted, Setsuna was walking around, still giggling, bumping into pieces of furniture. "You want to go to bed, right?" Michiru coaxed.

Setsuna turned, ran, and threw herself into Michiru's arms. "Nooooooooo!" she laughed. "It's time to dance!" 

Michiru patted Setsuna's head. "Haruka…"

I just shrugged. "Beats me!"

Setsuna released Michiru and pranced (as well as she could) over to the stereo where she turned it on full blast. She hopped up on the coffee table and started to sing and dance along with the music, her drink in one hand. The funny thing was, it was one of Michiru's classical music CDs, so Setsuna was bopping around to Mozart, singing nonsense words about candy, Michiru, and death.

I looked at Michiru. "A very interesting combination." 

"_What _did you _do_ to her?" Michiru asked again. She glared at Setsuna's Coke and pulled it out of our dancing princess's hand. I reached out to grab it first, but I was too slow. Michiru sipped it and looked at me suspiciously. "This is _not_ Coke. It tastes like Cherry Coke, but it's stronger." 

"Well...I found this bottle in the cupboard..."

She glared. "What was it?"

I gritted my teeth and gave her a hopeful smile. "Amaretto. I put it in her Coke. And she had several. Although, I never expected her to be this nutty…a little went a long way, I guess."

Michiru slapped her forehead. "Haruka, she'll kill you once she sleeps this off. This may be amusing for now, but she'll be in dire straits tomorrow. And who's going to be there with her?"

"Me?" I offered. 

She smiled. "That's right! You. And it may not be pretty, I'll warn you now."

I waved my hand impatiently. "Yes, yes...she'll be fine. Don't worry. If she needs anything I'll get it for her. But can't we just enjoy this?" 

"Honestly, it's not _that_ funny. No! Put that down! Bad Setsuna!" Michiru jumped up as Setsuna started to fuss with one of her crystal kittens, making it dance. Meanwhile, the doorbell rang. "Oh, wonderful!" Michiru cried. "Just what we need! Naughty Suna! Don't toss that!"

With the traditional anime sweatdrop, I went to the door. As soon as I opened it, I was confronted by the Inners. I jumped slightly. "Oh…hi. What brings you guys here?" 

"We came to see you," said Makoto with a smile. 

Little Chibi-Usa was with them too. "We went to the park, and I wanted to come visit Puu. Can she play?"

I started to laugh. "Puu? Well, Puu's a little busy right now."

I then heard a crash from behind us, and a shriek from Michiru. "SETSUNA!" Wild laughter followed.

"What was that crash?" asked Ami.

"Um..." I didn't know what to say. I had the feeling that Setsuna had just crashed into something large, although not large enough to knock herself unconscious. 

"Are you having a party?" crowed Minako, trying to peer around me.

"Not exactly..." 

Suddenly, Setsuna came plowing through, Michiru's large flowered Easter hat perched on her head. "Hi!!" She leapt at Usagi, who stumbled backwards, sending them both flying into the bushes. 

Michiru appeared a minute later, her hair very messed up, and looking very frazzled. She froze when she saw the Inners, a smile plastered on her face. "Oh, hello! Welcome!" Michiru would never turn away company, even though our dearest friend was running amok, and it was my fault. 

Ami watched as Setsuna pulled herself off a stunned Usagi and galloped back into the house. "Is Setsuna sick?"

Michiru looked ready to slap the heck out of someone. "Oh no, Haruka just thought it would be fun to get her drunk." She shot me a look. 

As I looked at Ami, I knew she wanted to say something reprimanding, but she was too polite. 

Rei smiled brightly. "Well, maybe we can help you. We'll just keep her busy."

Usagi was peering around me. "What did she drink?"

"Don't even think about it, Usa!" said Makoto. "Do you remember the time you drank all that 'juice' at the party at that old gentleman's house?"

"I think we were in a tree during a lot of that party," I noted.

Michiru made a graceful gesture. "Please feel free to come in. We were just going to make some popcorn. Visit with us." 

The Inners thanked us, and entered. I took the opportunity to take Michiru in my arms. "I'm sorry...I just thought it'd be fun. I was bored, all right?"

She glared at me. "But she loves you and trusts you."

I kissed Michiru's forehead. "She knows how much I love her. Besides…aren't you even the least little bit amused?"

We looked back into the house to witness Setsuna on the coffee table, singing show-tunes, with the Inners sitting around her, watching her in awe. Chibi-Usa was trying in vain to coax her down from the table. Michiru's lips turned up slightly. "All right, _this_ is slightly funny." 

"Besides, haven't you ever wondered what Setsuna would be like if she had a bit too much?"

Michiru covered her mouth and giggled. "I hope I'm not like that."

"Believe me, you've never been quite this drunk. But I'll bet you'd be great fun. It's always the quiet ones."

The Inners seemed to have a wonderful time watching Setsuna, who was delighted with the company and spent a lot of time cuddling up to everyone. Oddly enough, Usagi seemed to have the best effect on Setsuna. She had managed to get her off the coffee table and was now doing a very odd-looking waltz with her around the living room to the orchestra music that was playing. Setsuna was giggling so madly, she could hardly stand, and Usagi was just naturally giggly, but they were both completely cute. Even Michiru seemed to be getting a kick out of it. "Aren't they cute?" I asked, snapping a picture of our darling and our moon princess dancing. 

"They're very cute…but do you think we can get all these people out of our house so we can go to bed?" She gave a half moan, half laugh, before sinking into a chair.

The girls and I managed to calm Setsuna down a bit with a game of Candy Land that I remember buying for Hotaru when she was tiny, but when Michiru started dosing off in her chair, I told the girls we had to be getting to bed. 

"Awww…can't they live here with us?" asked Setsuna, holding onto one of Usagi's pigtails.

"Not if you want them to survive," I said, only partially joking. 

Ami tugged on Minako's arm. "We can't stay here all night. You need to get to bed, Setsuna. You'll feel better if you get some sleep."

Setsuna did look a bit wiped. "Well, okay." She made a motion to take off her shirt.

Michiru jumped awake. "What are you doing?"

"I have to take my clothes off to sleep, silly!" Setsuna said, and tried to raise her shirt again.

"What do you say we do this in your bedroom?" I lifted her into my arms. "Wave to your friends."

She gave everyone a silly grin and waved. "Byeeeeeee!" She then rested her head on my shoulder and went completely limp.

As I carried her into her bedroom and pulled her clothes off, I had one thought: "Note to self…never get Setsuna drunk again, for amusement purposes or other stupid reasons." 

~*~

The next day, I kneeled behind Setsuna on the bathroom tiles, holding her tangled hair out of the way and patting her back as she prayed to the porcelain god. "I'm sorry, Setsuna…I didn't think you would be this sick."

She raised her head slightly. "Haruka…if I had the strength to summon my Time Staff, you'd be spending the day at the Time Gates."

"Believe me, I'm scared of you. I'm sorry. What can I do to help?"

"You can…" she heaved and bent over again. I rubbed her back soothingly. She eventually gasped. "You can tell me what happened last night. I don't remember a thing." 

I smiled. "You just danced with Usagi a lot. And you sang too. Michiru is now convinced that you have musical talent."

"Mmm." She then turned her head to look at me, squinting in the light. "Who took my clothes off?"

"I did."

She turned and leaned her head against the toilet seat. "Fabulous."

I laughed. "Oh, you're just faking that sarcasm. You're glad it was me, face it," I said with my most seductive voice. I then stuck my tongue out and flicked her ear with it because I knew she hated it. 

"Eww! Haruka!" She turned, gave me a weak swat, and leaned against me. "Bed, please."

"Yes, dear." As I lifted my hung-over little friend off the bathroom floor, I remembered her little performance and I realized I wouldn't have done anything differently. It was the laugh of a lifetime. 

Setsuna suddenly tensed. "Haruka…I'm gonna…"

"UGHH!"

Or on second thought……

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__

I can't think of a thing to say to conclude this. lol I guess I'll just let you know what's coming up: Haruka looses her cool when Hotaru and Setsuna can't get the snack they want. Sound ridiculous? Oh, it is, it is! Just another frustration in Haruka World. Hotaru cameo! 

Thanks so much for the reviews! Until next time…

Lady Grizabella __

setsuna_haruka_michiru@yahoo.com


	4. Bad Influence! Haruka And Setsuna Freak ...

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Okay, this one is pretty short, and is even kookier than the last one (which was whacked), so please forgive me! And yes, they would probably never watch this show, or do what they did, but I wrote this at about 2 in the morning, and when you're avoiding something you don't want to do (example : job hunting), you'll do anything, even if it's going to make you terribly unintelligent. So just go with it and accept it for its entertainment value! *grin* 

PS: I know I promised a Hotaru cameo, and I still will be writing the one I mentioned in the last update, but this just came to me one night and I started to type. Bad Grizzy! 

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Bad Influence! Haruka And Setsuna Freak Out Michiru 

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One afternoon, when we should have been out looking for jobs, I was sprawled on my back on the sofa, listlessly watching the television. Setsuna was lying half on me, just as listless. Michiru was somewhere. She had already chewed us out for being lazy, and had promptly disappeared to another part of the house to read or do something she deemed more intelligent. That left us, staring at the TV.

Setsuna mumbled something. "What are we watching?" She was mostly passed out.

I rested a hand affectionately on her head. "Um…Jerry Springer. It's a gruesome American show. I can't believe people really act like this." 

She studied the television for a minute. "I don't think they do. I think they're actors. It's funny too, since it's subtitled in Japanese and all. I haven't seen so much subtitled profanity in a long time." 

"Let's just watch." I turned back to the television and zoned out. 

Michiru eventually came into the room and stared at the screen. "What on earth are you watching? A bunch of half-naked Americans screaming at each other?"

I answered in a monotone. "Yes. It is funny." I was hypnotized. 

"Yes. How funny it is," added Setsuna, her eyes unfocused. 

Michiru rolled her eyes and left, muttering: "You are getting _jobs_." 

Setsuna had managed to turn her head to look at Michiru. "Hmmm…" She sat up and leaned over so she could whisper in my ear. "Haruka…guess what?"

"What?"

She grinned. "I slept with your husband."

I gave her an amused look before changing it to one of shocked surprise. "How _could_ you?!" 

"He wants me, not you." She held back laughter.

I sat up. "What are you talking about? My husband loves _me_! Not you! You're just a sleazy stripper, but I'm his wife! I have what he wants!" I stood up and whipped off my shirt, revealing my sports-bra. "With a body like this, why would he want your skanky body?" I gravitated and doubled over laughing silently.

"What's going on out there?" Michiru called.

"Make this sound real," I muttered. I was tired of Michi's go get'em mood. 

Setsuna let out a dramatic scream. "How dare you! You're wearing my underwear! Have you been in my trailer?" She put her hands on my shoulders and gave me a light shove. 

"Yes, I'm wearing your underwear, and yes I've been in your trailer…with your WOMAN!" 

Setsuna got in my face. "My woman? I'll kill you, Haruka!" 

"Yeah? Bring it on, shorty!" Setsuna was hardly short, but being shorter than I was, it was a suitable insult. 

We could hear Michiru's door open. "Honestly, what are you fighting about?" 

"Shorty?! You'll regret that!" With a quick glance towards the hallway, Setsuna pulled off her own shirt like those crazy women had done on the show. I almost passed out. Michiru was going to flip. I decided that deep down inside, Setsuna was a wild woman. 

I started to yell random profanity as I tackled Setsuna. I lifted her off her feet and pretended to bodyslam her into the sofa just as Michiru walked into the room, unable to stand the noise anymore. She was met with two girls in their bras, and a whole lot of American profanity. Setsuna fell off the sofa and dragged me down to the ground where we rolled over each other a couple of times. Michiru screamed. "Haruka, NO! Get off her! You'll kill her!" 

I had Setsuna's hair in my hand and I mimed pulling it. "She slept with my husband!"

Setsuna had her teeth on my arm. "She slept with my woman in my trailer, and she's wearing MY underwear!" 

I got to my feet and lifted Setsuna. I held her out at arm's length and made a motion like I was going to slam her into the floor. 

"NO!" screamed Michiru and grabbed onto my arm. "I'm sorry she slept with your husband, but you really shouldn't fight! Setsuna, stop having adulterous affairs, and Haruka, take off Setsuna's underwear and leave her woman out of this!!"

Setsuna and I looked at each other and dissolved in laughter. "Michi…" 

"Do you know what you just said?" Setsuna let her head drop back and practically choked on her laughs, rare as they were.

Michiru looked utterly confused. "Wait a minute here…your _husband_?" She glared at the TV. "It's that…_program_! You're…arrrrg!" She stomped out of the room to collect herself in private.

I set Setsuna down on the sofa and had myself a good laugh. "Okay, that was worth it just to hear what Michiru said. I wouldn't trade that for anything!"

Setsuna had pulled her shirt back on and was sitting quietly on the couch. "It _was_ amusing." 

~*~

Later that night, Michiru had outlawed Jerry Springer from her house entirely. Michiru claimed that the program was an awful influence for Setsuna. "I'm in the room…" she murmured.

Michiru smiled at her. "I'm sorry. I just love you like you're my own child. I love you both. When I thought you were fighting…"

I grinned. "We never fight. What's the use in fighting? We have enemies for that." 

Michiru slid onto my lap. "I love you, Ruka."

I yawned dramatically. "I'm suddenly so sleepy."

Setsuna snorted. 

I stood Michiru and then knelt in front of Setsuna, taking her hand. "Now, sweetie, someday when you find someone special, you may feel the need to…"

Setsuna leaned back and let her mouth fall open with a groan.

I took Michiru's hands. "I'm taking you away to our trailer of bliss!"

Michiru giggled while Setsuna covered her ears and exclaimed loudly: "I can't hear you!"

"Goodnight, sweetheart." I kissed Setsuna's head and pulled Michiru down the hallway. "By the way, Michiru…I know you've been cheating on me..."

She laughed. "Bring it on, cute stuff!" 

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	5. Hotaru's Lost Snack! Haruka Loses Her Co...

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Hotaru's Lost Snack! Haruka Loses Her Cool

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As you know, we were all supposed to be out hunting for jobs. Admittedly, I was bored hanging around the house all day, but I liked being able to do my own thing. I hated to be told what to do, and to have to sit and do the same thing all day when I could be doing what _I_ wanted to do. I know Setsuna felt the same way too. But since we were broke, we decided to go into the city and try to find some work. 

Michiru suggested the library. "It would be a nice place to work, don't you think?"

"Ugh!" said Setsuna. She had worked at a library at one point in her very _very_ long life, and she had hated it. "There were too many people and they all wanted me to do something for them, and they all had a problem, and some of them were mean, and…"

I sweatdropped. "No library job for Miss-Social-Anxiety over here."

Setsuna shivered.

Michiru was thoughtful. "We'll see if we can find you a nice cushy computer job. You'll like that."

Setsuna crossed her arms. "Maybe."

"At least you've worked before," I pointed out. "Michi and I never have."

"I worked sporadically." Setsuna stared into space. "Come to think of it, I don't even remember what I did at those jobs. I mostly just felt strange twinges from the Time-Space Continuum, and then I never went back." *

"Whatever that is…" I blew air out through my nose. Setsuna and her odd Continuums. "Well, since we don't have a lot of options, let's go to the library."

~*~

The next day, we headed out to the Tomoe residence. Hotaru had wanted to come over to play for a long time, and we decided a trip into the city would be a good day for her to come out. We missed her, and she was good amusement for Setsuna, according to Michiru, who was terribly motherly to the both of them.

When we got to her house, Hotaru came flying out the door and hit me like a ton of bricks. "Ruka!!"

"Oof! Look how big you are!" The kid had grown about two feet since she lived with us. She had to be nearly five feet tall, and was at least twelve-years-old. I still managed to lift her to give her a big hug.

Hotaru giggled and wrapped her legs around my waist. "I know! I'm very glad to be big, even though it's confusing to my father. One day I'm Chibi-Usa's size, and then the next I'm nearly as tall as Michi and Suna! Someday, I'm going to be as tall and as strong as you, Ruka!" 

I set her down. "I can't wait." She was so boisterous and healthy now. Such a change!

Hotaru then ran to Setsuna and threw her arms around her. Michiru smiled. "They're so sweet." Then we were off again, destination: employment. 

~*~

Once we were in the city, Setsuna walked behind us, her hand in Hotaru's. She was silent, but I could tell she dreaded this. She had stopped liking people all together, and the very thought of getting a job was something of a hell. "Do I have to do this?"

"Do you want to keep buying those expensive clothes at Hot Topic?" Michiru asked. 

"Yes," she grumbled.

"Then yes, you have to."

Hotaru squeezed her hand. "I could get a job too, to keep you company."

Setsuna smiled at her. "You just enjoy your summer holiday. You'll have to get a job when you're older anyway."

"Besides, Setsuna will have Haruka to keep her company," Michiru said.

I snorted. "Great." 

~*~

Everything went smoothly for awhile. We turned in resumes at the library, even though they didn't say a great deal. Setsuna was good at computers, but hadn't taken a lot of courses or anything, so we had no idea how we would fare. But it was a good start. 

Michiru had found a book she was interested in, and had immediately settled down to look at it. "Can't we just take it home?" I asked, ready to blow out of there. 

Michiru shook her head. "We don't have cards here. I just want to look for a minute." 

Setsuna was standing around by the exit, and Hotaru was starting to wander around aimlessly. "Ruka, are you hungry?"

I figured that meant she was. "Are you?"

"A little bit."

I looked at Michiru. "Isn't it about time for lunch?"

"Soon, soon..." She was completely absorbed in her book. 

I took Hotaru's hand. "Come on, girls. Let's go find you something to eat." We left Michi to her book and exited the library. 

~*~

Luckily the recreation center was nearby, so I figured we could find a vending machine to get a snack. Michiru had planned on a nice lunch at a restaurant, but I could tell the girls were famished. A snack would tide them over. 

Once we located a vending machine, I pulled out my wallet. "What do you want, Hotaru?" 

"Chips!" she squeaked. "Thanks, Ruka!"

"Not a problem, sweetie. Setsuna?"

"Cookies, I guess. Those lemon ones."

I smiled. "Done." I fished in my wallet for change and fed the machine. It cheerfully ate my money and waited for our selection. "Hotaru, do you want to push the buttons?"

She giggled. "I'm too big to be silly like that."

I laughed. "Okay, I'm sorry." I made the motion to push them, but she grabbed my hand.

"Wait! I didn't say I wouldn't, though." As I gave Setsuna an amused smirk, Hotaru pushed in the numbers that designated her chips. The little tongs holding them in the machine moved, and then stopped. "Bother!" cried Hotaru, and tapped the numbers again. Nothing happened. "Ruka, the machine ate my chips!"

Setsuna paled, looking at me. "Well, that's annoying."

"Very annoying." I gave the machine a dark look and moved closer to it. 

"Oh no..." Setsuna reached forward and pulled Hotaru back by the hand. "Best stand back while Haruka...er...fixes it." 

"I'll fix it, all right!" I took one of my fists and smacked it against the machine. "Give it up, Machine!" I barked. 

Setsuna and Hotaru exchanged looks of fear. I knew they were thankful Michiru wasn't there. The whole thing was terribly embarrassing for them, but I couldn't just let the machine win, could I? It had taken my money and refused to cough up, and my little darlings were hungry, dammit!

Hotaru tentatively pulled on my sleeve. "Haruka-Papa..." She used her old name for me. "We're not all that hungry. You don't _need_ to teach the machine manners." 

"It's the principle of the thing, Hotaru. If you put money in it, you're supposed to have something to show for it! Plus, you just have to know the right buttons to push to get what you want. How do you think I got Michiru?" I covered my mouth. "Um...let's just not tell your old Michiru-Mama that I said that, okay?"

Setsuna raised an eyebrow. 

"Nothing out of you, Your Crankiness!" I chucked Setsuna affectionately under the chin and returned to the machine. "Okay, machine, it's just you and me!" I rolled up my sleeves, took it by both sides and started to shake it. Setsuna and Hotaru stepped back even farther, and looked in different directions. It seemed they were pretending they weren't with me, even though there was no one around.

"I hope there aren't any video cameras here," Setsuna said, gazing at the ceiling. 

I, meanwhile, was kicking the machine. "You can't win! I, Haruka, will stop your evil ways. I'll punish you, in the name of Hotaru and Setsuna!"

"Thanks, Ruka," said Hotaru. "But can we go now?"

I rested against the machine for a minute. "We wanted food, and we're going to get it! I just need another minute. All it really needs is a few more good kicks." I lifted my cute little foot and started to wallop the vending machine again. "Give it up! You'll never beat me!" I started to get more and more angry, and as I did, my voice rose in pitch until I was howling with rage. The girls could sense my volcano of a temper getting ready to erupt and pressed against the wall. "GIVE..."

Setsuna raised her hands. "Now, Haruka..."

"IT..."

"Haruka-Papa!" Hotaru clutched onto Setsuna. 

"UP!!!!" I lost my temper completely. I threw my transformation pen up in the air. "URANUS PLANET POWER, MAKEUP!"

Setsuna cowered. "Uh oh...Hotaru, GET DOWN!" 

"WORRRLD SHAKING!!!" As the girls fell to the floor, hanging onto each other for dear life, I blasted the offending vending machine to bits. Pieces of metal flew around me as I tried to get my breath back. "Well, that did it!" I lifted a bag of chips out of the rubble. "Look, Hotaru! I've got your chips. Just let me get Setsuna's cookies, and..." I looked at the girls. They were covered in dust and looking at me like I was crazed, although neither of them seemed too surprised. "Hey, I'm sorry. Are you two okay?"

"Y..Yes," said Hotaru. "I think so."

I helped them to their feet. "Help me collect this stuff, okay?"

I could suddenly hear voices in the distance. "This is when we leave. Come on!" I shoved the goodies into Setsuna's hands, picked up Hotaru, and ran like hell.

~*~

I arrived back in the library with Hotaru in my arms, panting and covered in dust. Hotaru was equally messy. Michiru jumped up. "What's going on, um...Sailor Uranus?" She gave me a pointed look, and I looked down at my sailor suit.

"Right." I realized a billion people were staring at me. I addressed them. "It's all right, people of Tokyo! The world is safe again!" 

There was a general murmur of relief, as Michiru sweatdropped. I ducked into a bathroom to de-transform, and when I came back out, Michiru wanted to know exactly what had happened. 

"Ruka used World Shaking on a vending machine when it wouldn't give us chips," chirped Hotaru. She looked terribly excited by the whole ordeal. 

I shot her a look. "Who's side are you on, kid?"

She giggled, but Michiru looked ready to blow a gasket. "Haruka! How many times have I told you not to do that?! One of these days, someone's going to catch you and it'll be the end of the Sailor Soldiers!"

I closed my eyes and waved my hand. "Sorry...sorry...I promise I won't do it again."

"Do you promise?" Michiru apparently wasn't surprised by my antics either. 

"I promise." I grinned off to the side, and those little devil horns appeared in my hair. I secretly got a thrill out of watching inanimate objects meet their doom, especially if they denied my family of snacks.

Michiru looked around. "Where exactly is Setsuna?"

"Um..." I looked at Hotaru. "When was the last time you saw Sets?" 

"Right before you picked me up and started to run." 

"Oh no! She must be a casualty of war!" I pictured Setsuna in a dark room, with a bright spotlight over her head, her arms full of chips... _'Tell us who blew up the vending machine, Sailor Pluto! You know who did it!' Setsuna shakes her head dramatically, sweat standing out on her forehead. 'Never! I'll never betray her, no matter what you do to me!' 'Fine then!' thunders the loud voice. 'We will subject you to TORTURE........' _

A poke from Michiru brought me out of my horrible daydream. "Well, let's go get her!"

We ran pell-mell out of the library, ignoring the irritated looks the library workers and patrons gave us, and almost tripped right over Setsuna who was sitting outside on the steps, peacefully munching on chips. She looked up at us. "Hi."

We stared at her. She smiled at us, the wind ruffling her skirt around her knees, her feet stuck straight out in front of her. She looked absolutely adorable and completely unaffected. She held up the chips to Michiru. "Are you hungry?"

Michiru knelt by her. "Are you okay?"

I looked at Hotaru and twirled my finger in front of my ear. "Died one too many times, you know."

Hotaru nodded. "I know." 

Michiru pressed a hand to her head as she did so well and so often, and coaxed Setsuna up off the steps. "Lets...just call it a day?"

I tagged along behind, holding Hotaru's hand. "But Michi...aren't we going to eat?"

She glared daggers at me. "Oh, I think you've had _plenty_ of food today already...."

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Footnote:

* Ever notice this about the manga? Setsuna had at least two jobs, but never seemed to actually work.

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Hi everyone! Hope you're enjoying the stories so far, and liked Hotaru's highly requested cameo. I'm sure she'll appear in another one soon for those who are fond of the child of death. ;) 

Now it's time for "Question and Answer Fun!" To answer a question about Setsuna's age, I'm sorry that was confusing. Haruka didn't explain it very well in the first story, did she? Oh, who am I kidding...I didn't explain it.

Haruka: Thank you!

Me: Don't mention it! 

Anyway, for those who are familiar with the anime (especially the dubbed S season, which I have), Setsuna tells the scouts that she came back from the future to help stop the Silence, but Haruka and Michiru were reborn on the planet. I believe Setsuna lives in a time all of her own, and she's basically ageless, so I never picture her getting any older than her 19 or 20 years, where Haruka and Michiru would keep aging until they make it to the Crystal Tokyo era in what, their late twenties? So I imagine their earth bodies would eventually pass Setsuna's in age. I picture them as being about 21 in this, and Setsuna is eternally 20, but you can picture them as whatever ages you want. All I know is that once Michiru's body passed Setsuna's in age, she became extremely motherly, which drives Setsuna nuts (not that she wasn't motherly before...it's a Michiru thing). I hope that clears it up a bit, although I'm really confused after writing this. It's just how I see their ages I guess, but everyone can pretty much form their own opinions. You don't have to take my word for it! :)

Next Time: Haruka wonders just what Setsuna does at the Time Gate all evening, and she and Michiru end up attending a party as Neptune and...Sailor Pluto? Hope to see you next time!

Lady Grizabella

setsuna_haruka_michiru@yahoo.com


	6. Haruka Is Sailor Pluto! Party At The Tim...

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Haruka Is Sailor Pluto?! Party At The Time Gate

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Whenever Setsuna went to guard the Time Gate, which she did about once a week for several hours, I always wondered what she did there. "When she was little, she played with her dolls," said Michiru, "But I have no idea what she does now."

"Maybe she still plays with dolls?" I grinned.

Michiru laughed. " I think _you_ still play with dolls!" 

"I don't! Only that one time..." I sulked. 

"_Any_way, why don't you just ask her what she does? I'm sure she'll tell you." 

"Funny that she's never told us much before. I'll ask her."

~*~

That night, I threw myself down on the sofa next to Setsuna and wrapped an arm around her. "Hi, Suna! Have fun at the Gate?"

She gave me a look. "Everything is in good order. Why?"

"Just curious. What do you do while you're there, anyway?"

She leaned her head on my shoulder and looked up at me. "I just make sure that time is moving correctly. That's about it." But a curious blush had lit up her cheeks. She obviously wasn't telling the full truth. But I decided to leave it for now. 

"Sounds a bit dull."

"It's terribly dull. It always has been." She lifted her head and wrapped her arms around my neck. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Ruka." 

I gave her a kiss. "See you tomorrow. Love you." Once she had gone into her room, I looked at Michiru. "I think we're going to be paying a visit to the Time Gate very soon..."

~*~

Michiru was in our bedroom reading on the next afternoon Setsuna was going to be at the Gate. I pranced in, my hands hidden behind my back. "Oh, Michi!" I sang. "Look what I've got!" 

"Um...a sandwich?" Michiru set her book aside. 

"No, much more exciting than that."

"A waffle?" 

"What, have you been drinking that wine from the other night? You're being silly. It's not food!"

"Darn...then what is it?"

I made a mental note to make Michiru a snack. "This!" I proudly pulled Setsuna's Time Staff out from behind my back.

Michiru gasped. "Where did you get that? She keeps it in her invisible pocket."

"She was polishing it, and left it on her bed when she went to play with Chibi-Usa. I thought we could take a trip." I tried to twirl the staff like Setsuna did, but ended up knocking something off the dresser. "Awk! How does she do it?"

Michiru got to her knees. "For heaven sakes, don't break it!" 

"I wonder how it works?" I stared into the Garnet Orb for some clue which didn't come.

"What exactly are you planning?" Michiru slipped off the bed and pulled on some shoes. "I don't think it will work for you anyhow."

"I figured we would go to the Time Gate, hide, and wait and see what Pluto does all evening. It'll be good education, and maybe we'll even see our future."

"I don't _want_ to see my future," Michiru muttered, but she placed a hand on the staff too. "But maybe it'll help us to understand Suna better. She's a mystery to me." 

I thrust the staff in the air. "Tiiiime STOP!"

Michiru jumped a mile. "Don't _do_ that! Don't get that thing mad!" 

I grinned. "Do I look like Puu?"

"You look like crazy Uranus trying to blow up the planet."

"That works too. Now, Michi, hold onto the staff and let's see if we can get this thing to take us somewhere."

Michiru hesitantly put her hands back on the staff. "This will never work. We'll end up somewhere in the sixteenth century."

Ignoring Michiru's warning, I said good naturedly to the Time Staff: "Please take us to the Gate of Time!" Nothing.

"I told you, sweetheart. It's not going to let you do anything unless you're Setsuna." 

"Or it _thinks_ I'm Setsuna." 

Michiru pressed a hand to her head. "Ruka..."

"I'll be right back!" I dashed into Setsuna's room and sifted through the stuff on her dresser. I finally found what I was looking for - her transformation pen. "Please humor me and work..." I raised the pen in the air and cried out in a commanding voice, "PLUTO PLANET POWER, MAKEUP!" Before I knew it, I was clad in Sailor Pluto's outfit. "Huh." I was baffled at the fact that it had worked. "Setsuna's stuff is really gullible. I'm surprised everyone isn't turning into Sailor Pluto." I spun around, admiring my red and black sailor suit. "Mmm...cute colors. Nice and depressing. I feel more like Setsuna already." I headed back into my bedroom, welcomed by screams from Michiru.

"How did you do that? Are you actually Sailor Pluto now? Could I become Uranus if I wanted to?"

I cackled. "That would be kinky! Then Setsuna could become Neptune and I could watch the two of you..." I was cut off when the Time Staff whacked me in the stomach. I gasped. "Okay...you should be Pluto...you know how to hit with that thing as well as she does..."

Once Michiru and I had stopped arguing, we both held onto the staff. "Let's try this again." I pulled myself up to my full height. I was suddenly painfully aware that Setsuna's suit was too short for me, and the panties were showing in the back. "Time Staff! This is Sailor Pluto! Take us to the Gate of Time!" I was amused at how well my voice echoed. Being Sailor Pluto was such a lark.

The Garnet Orb flashed - I swear it giggled - and we were suddenly standing in front of the Gate of Time. Michiru let go of the staff and looked around. "What a lonely place. I hate the fact that she had to stay here alone for centuries. I wish she had been with us."

"It's no wonder she's nuts." I was busy fishing around the intricate carvings on the Gate. "Ha! I knew it!" I pulled out a very old doll.

"Put that back, and be nice! We did steal her staff, and come here against her will. How will she make it here now?"

"I'm sure she can get here on her own. I'll bet she doesn't even need the staff anymore. After all, she's got the power in her. I'm just wearing her clothes. I'm surprised the staff listened to me at all." I looked around. "Michi, what's that noise?" Forms were rapidly approaching through the mists.

"Quick, hide!" Michiru ducked into the shadows, but I was surrounded by a group of people who were carrying a music player and many CDs. 

"Pluto! Hi!" I was embraced by several people.

I immediately stiffened. "Er...hello..."

"Pluto, your hair is really different!" said one young woman. "It's cute, but why did you cut it and dye it blonde?"

"She looks like Sailor Uranus," commented another young woman, who looked a lot like Minako. 

"Um, who are you?" I asked.

"Are you feeling okay? I'm Sailor Venus!" I suddenly realized that these must be the sailor soldiers of the future, possibly our daughters or their daughters...who knew with time travel? 

"No matter. Let's party!" A dark-haired woman, a Mars I assumed, turned on the boombox and suddenly music blasted forth. My hands were grabbed and we all danced. I looked helplessly in Michiru's general direction as a wild blonde twirled me. "You're cute," the blonde whispered to me, and I had the sudden feeling that if I ever had a daughter by some miracle, this would be her. I felt a bit odd.

"I...I...I...need to get some...um...air." I managed to slip away and found Michiru in the shadows. "Are you getting a load of this? I'm dancing with the children of the future and they think I'm Sailor Pluto."

"I guess there are always going to be Inners," said Michiru. Poor Inners, doomed to be a bit dumb. 

"Hey, I think the blonde is a Uranus." 

Suddenly, the Gate opened and a very pissy looking Sailor Uranus stomped in. I looked at Michiru. "Oops. Someone's going to be cranky for the rest of the night."

Setsuna, looking very sexy in yellow and blue if I do say so myself, had arrived at the Gate. She had my Space Sword in her hand. I blanched. "How did she find that? I had that hidden!"

"You stole her staff!" Michiru pointed out. 

"True." I was feeling anxious. 

"Besides, I think she could use it better than you can..." Michiru mumbled.

"I heard that!" I examined the situation. "I think it's time we were moving along..." 

The group had gathered around the _true_ Sailor Pluto, having figured out it was her, and were very interested in finding out why she was dressed as Sailor Uranus. 

"Well, when I went to transform, I found that _someone_ was already wearing my outfit, so I couldn't change. I had to borrow a different suit." She must have found my transformation pen, since I had hers. She gave the sword a vicious swish and eyed the shadows. 

I gulped. "I'm dead. She's going to kill me."

"She won't if you give her staff back." Michiru wagged a finger at me.

"I don't know...I kind of like it." I tried to twirl the staff again and clanked it into the door. "Damn!"

The sound had alerted Setsuna, who narrowed her eyes. "Just a moment." She waltzed over into the shadows, pushed me over on my bum, and pulled the staff out of my hand. "Gimme that!" She started away again. 

"What about my sword?" I called.

"My turf, my game!"

I couldn't argue with that. I looked at Michiru and shrugged. "Should we dance?"

She smiled. "Yes." With a flick of her transformation pen, she became Sailor Neptune, and soon enough we were grooving to the beat of Pluto's Dance Party. I decided I loved the Time Gate. 

I snuck up behind Setsuna and wrapped my arms around her from behind, lifting her and spinning her around. "I could be Sailor Pluto. I'll take over your job."

She laughed. "Go ahead!" She held the staff back out to me. "Now you can deal with Small Lady. And trust me, she has a lot of issues."

I blanched. "Er...I think Luna-P sounds better than Luna-U...you can keep it. But I had fun playing with it."

She held out my Space Sword to me. "Me too. But you're lucky you didn't end up in some dimension in the Orion Nebula. The Garnet Orb likes to play games with those who steal my staff!" She winked and ran off to do the Hokey Pokey with Michiru and a future Sailor Saturn. 

I smiled and lifted my sword. It had been a good night. "Hey Michiru, watch this!"

My girls watched as I spun my sword around with talent and grace...until I crashed it into the side of the Gate. "Er..."

The girls sweatdropped and I flushed. I decided to stick to racing. Twirling talismans was just not my thing.....

***********************************************************************

Okay, I don't think this one really fits in with the other ones in terms of reality, but hey, what part of Sailor Moon is realistic? lol I also doubt they can use each other's transformation pens, but it was fun to write and I hope it was fun to read! It was inspired by watching too many clips of the Black Lady Sailor Moon Musical where everyone's dancing in front of the Time Gate. What a chuckle!

Next Time: I have no idea! I have a couple more in the works, but as for actual plots...we'll just have to see. I know there will be one with Michiru in focus. How long can she put up with Haruka and Setsuna without snapping? My guess?...not too long. 

Until next time!

Lady Grizabella

setsuna_haruka_michiru@yahoo.com 

An accompanying illustration (copy, paste, take out the spaces):

www.angelfire.com / anime / deathchild / images / pluto_uranus_swap_suits.jpg

Not my best work by any means (Setsuna's hair screwed up completely), but you get the point...whahahahahaha. Ruka looks so uncomfortable in Suna's little suit! 


	7. The Slam Of A Bathroom Door! Michiru Sna...

The Slam Of A Bathroom Door! Michiru Snaps

************************************************************************

I was cuddled up with Michiru in bed, naked as the day I was born. Ah, to be with Michiru AND naked. I know I mentioned that I dislike my sailor uniform because it's so short, but it's totally different if Michiru is naked too. Then it's entertaining. 

~*~

I guess I'll tell you right now that Michiru was having a very bad day. First off, Hotaru had come over and Michiru had made a large lunch for us to enjoy. Unfortunately, Hotaru went to heat up some soup on the stove and she turned the wrong dial. The lunch which was cooking in the oven promptly burned up and we had to use the fire-extinguisher. Unfortunately, when I squeezed the handle and the foam came out, Michiru was right in the way. She was covered with the foam and had to drop everything to take a shower. Therefore, she was walking around in a towel when the doorbell rang. Unfortunately, none of us were anywhere near the door, and didn't hear the ring, and didn't hear Michiru screaming like a maniac, so she had to answer it herself in her towel. Unfortunately, the Inners, complete with Mamoru, were standing there and they all gawked at her. She graciously let them in and told them that she'd just get dressed if they didn't mind, when, unfortunately, Chibi-Usa tripped and flew into her, pulling away the towel. I'd never heard Michiru scream so loud as she dove into our room. Naturally, we heard the scream, but didn't go out to help her, the nice roommates that we are, so Usagi and Minako raided the kitchen while Michiru hid in our bedroom. It was all very...unfortunate. 

~*~

And that pretty much brings us to the moment. Once the Inners and Hotaru had gone, I decided to cheer up Michiru in the way I knew best....in the bedroom...before she went and made dinner for her ravenous family. She seemed to enjoy herself, and I was just happy lying there being naked. This didn't last for long though, as I decided to go for Round Two. I had just rolled over to kiss Michiru when the door flew open, and there was Setsuna, every hair out of place and dark smudges on her cheeks. Michiru shrieked in surprise and pulled the sheet up over her chest, but I just stared at Setsuna. This was...odd. She usually wouldn't come within a mile of our bedroom when she knew we were "playing". 

Setsuna cleared her throat and crossed her arms with irritation. "I just thought you'd like to know, the microwave has exploded. I'll be in my room." She stomped out, slamming the door behind her.

I looked at Michiru. "Well, that was unexpected."

Michiru's face was bright red. "That's it! I have HAD it!"

I jumped back, terrified. "What do you mean?"

She scrambled out of bed, pulling the sheet with her, threw open the door, and ran across the hall into the bathroom. I heard the door slam and the lock click. "Oh, great! Michiru!" I headed out of the room, still bum-naked, and pounded on the door. "Open this door, Michiru! You can't just lock yourself in the bathroom over a microwave!"

"It's not just the microwave!" she howled. "I want to know why I have to do everything around here? Why can't you and Setsuna get your sorry tails in gear and do something for once! It's not like you have _jobs_ or anything yet!"

"Please open the door? We'll be more helpful, I promise. Please come out?"

"No! I'm staying in here away from the chaos that is my life!"

She was being terribly overdramatic. But I knew she was really mad this time. It was perfectly natural for Michiru to get mad at me, but she'd never locked herself in the bathroom before. I figured she must have snapped. "Michi-Love...open the door please."

"No!"

Setsuna's voice came from behind her closed door. "Haruka, will you please get dressed so I can come out?" 

I realized I was still naked. "Um...yes."

~*~

A half an hour later, Setsuna and I were lounging on the couch with little notion of what to do. "I could go get some of my power tools, take the door down, and pull her on out of there." I suggested.

"Better leave her," said Setsuna. "She won't appreciate you coming in after her. You did spray her with that foam and you refused to get the door when the Inners came over."

"You blew up the microwave," I countered.

She nodded. "Yes. Yes, I did. So it's not safe for either of us to approach her."

I nodded and took to staring at the TV again.

Not five minutes later, Setsuna told me what I had been expecting to hear since Michiru locked herself in the bathroom. "Haruka...I really have to use the bathroom."

I looked toward the ceiling. "I figured as much." Setsuna had the most overactive bladder I had ever seen. I don't know how she managed to make it through so many battles. During the final battle with Galaxia, I was almost expecting her to say: 'Excuse me Galaxia, but before my friends take my Star Seed in a pathetic attempt to defeat you that won't work, but will sure put me through emotional hell since they're supposed to love me, may I use your bathroom?' Let's just say it's hard to take Setsuna on long car trips.

She flushed with embarrassment. "I'm sorry...it's not like I can help it."

I smiled. "I understand. I kind of have to go too." I stood up and wandered down the hall. I knocked gently on the bathroom door. "Michiru...sorry to bother you, but Setsuna really has to use the bathroom."

Silence.

"We're really sorry, but you know she has to go every hour!"

More silence. I was feeling bad for Michiru, who had snapped, but I was getting irritated all the same. "Fine, be that way!" I stalked back into the living room and smiled at Setsuna. "Don't worry, we'll find you a bathroom." I took Setsuna's hand and called out, "I'm taking Setsuna to find a bathroom. We'll be back soon. Enjoy yourself in there!"

~*~

The closest place I could think of to go was Makoto's house. I knocked on the brunette's door and gave her a cheesy smile once she opened, very surprised. We had never visited her alone, and I realized it must be a big shock. After all, Haruka Tenoh and Setsuna Meioh didn't visit people everyday. "Hi Makoto. How are you?"

She quirked an eyebrow. "I'm fine. What can I do for you?"

I put an arm around Setsuna and drew her forward. Her face couldn't have been any redder. "Actually...could we use your bathroom?"

I have to give Makoto credit, she didn't laugh or tease us at all. She just smiled and said: "Come on in. It's down the hall to the right."

Since Setsuna was practically dancing, I let her go first, and I helped Makoto make some lemonade. Setsuna and I stayed there for about half an hour, not really wanting to go home, but by the time we did leave (after using the bathroom again for good measure), we were both feeling better about things.

"You know what, Setsuna? I helped Makoto make some lemonade and it really wasn't that bad. We should help out more. If we tell Michiru this, maybe she'll come out of the bathroom."

Setsuna was a lot perkier now that she'd used the bathroom, and she was sitting up in the front seat next to me, gazing at the nearby ocean with interest. I had tied her hair back with a ribbon to keep those wacky strands of hers out of her face. "I think we should make dinner. That might make her happy."

I blanched. "Dinner? I've never made something as complex as dinner."

Setsuna looked at me cheerfully. "Oh, no, it's really easy. I'll show you when we get home."

~*~

It turned out that Setsuna's idea of making dinner really _was_ easy. Too easy. "So how do we make dinner?" I asked her again, standing in the middle of the kitchen, A.K.A. Michiru's Domain.

She opened a cupboard and helpfully pulled out one of those cans of processed spaghetti she loved so much. "Take can. Open can and dump in pan. Heat up. Put in bowl. Dinner." She nodded and handed it to me.

I took it and looked at it distastefully. "Michiru will never eat this stuff. Come to think of it, I won't either. I like those big dinners Michiru makes with meat and vegetables and desert."

Setsuna's face took on a dark look. "Oh."

I sweatdropped. "I'll make this for you though, if you want." Setsuna was a surprisingly picky eater.

"Don't bother," she grumbled. I had spoiled her big dinner plans.

"Why don't we make something you and Michiru both like? Like homemade macaroni and cheese."

She mulled this over. "I guess that might be all right."

"Good." We went to work. "Setsuna, get out some cheese from the fridge. I'll boil some water and cook the macaroni." 

She pulled open the fridge door. "Don't you think you should find a recipe?"

I scoffed. "Nah, who needs a recipe?" 

"How do you know how to make it, then?"

I rolled my eyes. "Sweetie, any moron could make macaroni and cheese."

She fiddled with the cheese grater. "I have the feeling you'll be eating those words instead of dinner..."

"I see you have a lot of faith in me." I filled up a pan with water and put it on full heat. "Don't worry, Setsuna. This will be fun. You grate the cheese and I'll go tell Michiru that dinner will be ready soon. I assume she's still in the bathroom."

I left Setsuna grating her poor knuckles on the cheese grater in favor of cheering up Michiru. I knocked on the bathroom door. "Hi Love, we're home, and we have a surprise for you."

There was silence for several moments before a voice cautiously asked, "What is it?"

"We're making dinner!" I exclaimed proudly. 

The door opened a bit and Michiru's red-rimmed eyes peered out at me. "Are you serious?"

"Yes. Setsuna's working on it right now. We're very excited about it. Just leave everything to us and I'll let you know when it's ready."

A scream suddenly erupted from the kitchen. "HARUKA!!" 

Michiru shut the door with a bang. "I'm not coming out! I don't even want to know!"

I had taken off at a dash to find Setsuna standing in the middle of the kitchen, wringing her hands, screaming at the pot of water which was cheerfully boiling over all over the top of the stove. "Yikes, I think it's done!" I managed to turn the heat down and pick up the box of macaroni. "Are you all right? You didn't burn yourself, did you?"

Setsuna shook her head. "I'm sorry. Are you mad?"

I smiled. "It's only water. And it's easy to panic when that happens." I dumped a mass quantity of pasta into the now half-empty pan and brushed my hands together. 

"Isn't that a lot?" Setsuna asked.

I looked in the pan. "Not really."

Setsuna muttered under her breath as she hunted for a casserole dish. "_I_ think it's a lot." 

I stood around waiting for the noodles to cook. I began to tap my foot and drum my fingers on the counter top. "These cook too slow!" I complained. I looked at Setsuna who was searching for popsicles in the freezer. "Hey! Don't spoil your dinner!"

"Yes, Michiru-Mama." She grinned evilly. 

I narrowed my eyes. "Very funny." I looked back to the pasta. "Arg, this takes forever! Let's go watch TV while we wait."

Setsuna shrugged. "Okay." We settled ourselves on the couch and turned on a silly Japanese game show to wait for the pasta to cook.

Forty-five minutes later, I was screaming at the TV. "Uranus! The seventh planet from the sun is URANUS! Idiots!!" 

Setsuna managed to take her eyes off me, intense as I was, and looked towards the kitchen. "Do you think the pasta is done yet?"

"I don't know, let's go see."

Needless to say, it was the most well-done pasta ever. It wasn't even pasta anymore. It was more like pasta afterthought, seeing as how it had mostly melted into unidentifiable blobs. My helpful streak was waning as I stepped on stray pieces of pasta that had overflowed out of the pan and landed on the tile. Cheese lay all over the counter top and some had been brushed on the floor. "Well, you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs." I was suddenly having a Minako moment, not sure if that phrase applied to the situation. I took another look at the macaroni substance. "Hmmm. Well, we'll just have to hope Michiru doesn't look too hard. Let's just dump this mass into the casserole dish, throw the cheese on top, and shove it in the oven. Let's get this over with." 

Setsuna didn't argue, even though she didn't look like she wanted to touch it. She just spread the cheese over the top and got out some salt and pepper. "It should at least be seasoned."

"Agreed." I took the salt and Setsuna took the pepper. We went to open the containers, but the tops were stuck on. "My top is stuck. What about yours?"

"Mmmh. Tight on! It won't budge."

"Well, I'm not going to stand for this!" I started to smack the salt container against the counter top, hoping to shake something loose, and Setsuna followed suit. On the tenth try, the tops exploded with a massive pop and salt and pepper flew all around the kitchen. "AHHH!" I yelled.

"AHHH!" answered Setsuna. We coughed for a bit as the pepper settled right in our noses and all over the counters and floor. 

"That was not good," I said, as I gathered some salt and pepper mixture into my hands and threw it in the casserole. "But at least we got it open."

"This place is a mess!" Setsuna took the dish and popped it in the oven. She stared in through the glass window of the oven, and then she looked at me. "I'm not eating this." 

I picked up Michiru's wooden spoon and shook it at her. "Oh yes you are! I slaved all day over a hot stove, and you're going to eat my dinner, young lady!"

Setsuna seemed amused. "You do know I'm over two thousand years old, right?"

I shrugged. "Makes no difference. As long as you live under _my_ roof, you're eating my dinner!" The spoon then flew out of my hand and smacked Setsuna in the head before clattering to the floor to take its place in the salt and pepper mess.

"Oww!"

I crossed my arms. "See? I've made my point." 

~*~

Once we set the table and lit some candles, the cheese was fully melted and I proclaimed dinner done. "Michiru, Love! Come to the table!"

The bathroom door opened slowly and Michiru cautiously looked out. "Is it safe?"

"Perfectly safe. It looks delicious too!" I shot a look at Setsuna who was gazing at the dish in revulsion. "Doesn't it, _Setsuna_?" 

She grimaced. "Mmmm!" she managed to cough out. 

Clad in a bathrobe, Michiru hesitantly came to the table and sat down. "Haruka...what is that?" Setsuna had just placed a plate with the stuff on it in front of her. 

I gave her an innocent look. "It's macaroni and cheese, just like you make."

She poked at the substance. "Well, there's macaroni and cheese in it, but it kind of looks like it's _just_ macaroni and cheese. There are more ingredients..." She looked up at our hopeful faces and immediately realized we had truly wanted to please her. "What I mean to say is, it looks delicious."

Setsuna and I grinned happily at each other. We had won Michiru over.

~*~

As for the macaroni and cheese...it was pretty bad stuff. I don't believe Michiru managed to get down as much as she did. Setsuna made an effort too, even though I know she would rather have made that spaghetti. I was ready to try it too at that point after my big mac'n'cheese failure. But Michiru seemed happy and calm, which was the important thing. 

When we were done pretending to eat, Michiru approached me and kissed my cheek and then Setsuna's. "Thank you both for trying to cheer me up. I love you very much. Since you worked so hard on dinner, I'll go do the dishes."

Setsuna suddenly jumped. "Michi...I wouldn't..."

Michiru screamed upon entering her domain. "OH MY GOD!!!" She turned right around and stomped back to the bathroom, yelling as she went. "Haruka Tenoh! Don't even think about relaxing until you've cleaned up that kitchen!"

"Aw, shoot." I moped.

As the bathroom door slammed, Setsuna looked up at me with guilty eyes. "Haruka...I think I need to go to the bathroom again....."


	8. The Sting Of A Mosquito! Mother Nature A...

The Sting Of A Mosquito! Mother Nature Attacks

AKA

The Vacation Epic

*~*~*~*

Setsuna was curled up on the sofa, bundled up in a sweater to avoid the frigid air conditioning. I was sitting in a chair across the room positioned right in front of the air, in nothing but my bra and panties, with a table fan blowing on me. I was still sweating. "Honey, can you please turn up the air a little more? My butt has melted to the chair and I can't move."

Michiru came out of the kitchen and reluctantly turned the air up a notch. "All right...but if Setsuna gets sick you're in trouble."

Setsuna pulled a scarf out of her pocket and started to wrap it around her head before she continued pouring over her book. I eyed her incredulously. "How can she do that? It must be a hundred degrees in here!"

Michiru sighed. "Love, it's freezing in here." She headed back to the kitchen where she secretly had a little space heater blasting. 

Setsuna looked at her watch, which had every possible function one could imagine. Seeing as how Setsuna was Setsuna, it seemed perfectly natural for her to want to know what time it was in England when it was three o'clock in Mongolia. The girl obviously had a thing for Time, but the best was when she sat in front of the grandfather clock and watched the pendulum swing back and forth. It also made a good conversation piece when company came over.

At any rate, the watch also had a date function, which seemed to be what she was using it for at the time. "Tomorrow is the fourth of July," she said. "That's a holiday in America." 

"I remember studying that. Didn't they sign some important document on the fourth?"

I could hear Michiru mutter from the kitchen: "...never paid attention in World History..."

"Yes." She pointed in her book. "See here? They have fireworks on the fourth. It looks like fun."

"I love fireworks. So does Michiru. She thinks it's romantic." 

Setsuna looked shyly at her hands. "Do you think we could get some? I like learning about American culture. Couldn't we celebrate too?"

I shrugged. "Not a bad idea. I'm certainly not going to complain about fireworks, as long as they're cheap."

"I think it's a wonderful idea!" Michiru was leaning against the doorframe, drying off her hands. "We should get some inexpensive fireworks and take Setsuna up to your parents' little waterside cabin for the weekend, Haruka. It'll be fun and we can sit by the water and go boating. It'll be fabulous."

Setsuna looked perky, but I had to burst their bubble. "Sweetheart, it's just a little one-room cabin. No running water, no bathroom. You'll never survive."

Michiru's eyes flashed. "I think we'll live, Haruka. We _can_ rough it, you know."

I looked aside. "...doubt it..."

She crossed her arms. "Give it a try, Haruka. We'll have fun, I promise." 

I bit my lip and looked at Setsuna who had become hypnotized once again by the pendulum. "Brat?"

She slowly turned to look at me. "Sure. I'll be okay."

I sighed. "I suppose it might be all right." 

"Yay!" Michiru cheered in delight and took off to pack.

Setsuna set aside her book. "But we'll miss the fourth."

"We don't have a lot of choice. We can't light fireworks in the middle of Tokyo. We'll shoot them off at the beach." I unstuck my butt from the chair with an uncomfortable ripping noise and went to go find my dreaded swimsuit. 

~*~ 

Early on Saturday morning, I loaded up the car while Michiru coaxed Setsuna into eating a cinnamon pop tart. Setsuna didn't want to do anything in the early mornings except grump. As I hauled the third bag and stashed it in the trunk, I wiped perspiration off my forehead. "Michi, how many bags do we _need_? We're only going to be there for a couple of days!" 

Michiru packed food into brown paper bags. "We need some clothes, don't we?" 

"I _have_ clothes!" I held up a small backpack. I live for low maintenance. 

"But it could be hot, or cold, or rainy, or windy, or buggy. We just don't know what we'll need to be comfortable, so..." She slung a huge duffle bag into my arms. "We need a lot of things." 

By the time we had packed enough clothes, beach towels, food, cheap fireworks, books, painting supplies, and CDs to last a year, we had no room in the back of the car. Setsuna and Michiru ended up in the front seat with me, sharing a seat belt. They were in an excellent mood (even Setsuna, who had cheered considerably), but I figured it wouldn't last long. I looked at them and only one word could describe them: Bait. They were sitting there in sundresses and perfectly white socks, their hair finely coifed and brushed. They looked like movie stars. Mother Nature was going to eat them alive. I sighed and started up the car. "Get ready, girls. We're off to the wilderness."

~*~

Several hours later, we were in the midst of the woods. Setsuna's brow was furrowed behind her sunglasses, and Michiru was a bit petrified. "It's a good deal more wooded than I was expecting," she said.

"What _were_ you expecting?" I asked. "It's a cabin in the woods." 

"But it's by the water, right?" Setsuna pointed out. "It's not all going to be forest."

I hesitated. "It's not all forest, no. But there _are_ a lot of trees. The water's beautiful, though!" I added, trying to put a cheerful face on it. We had come all this way and I was going to make the best of it.

I eventually turned down a drive and we headed into a dim thicket of woods. I parked the car in front of a tiny cabin, not much bigger than a child's playhouse. Michiru stood up in the car and stared. "Um..."

Setsuna kneeled on the seat and whispered: "Michi, can we go back home?"

I shrugged helplessly. The wilderness was not really my thing either, as mentioned once earlier. "I tried to tell you. Mom and Dad will eventually have a cottage here, but in the meantime there's just a tiny cabin. Dad stays here while he's working. It doesn't need to be large for just one person."

Michiru swallowed. "I'm sure it will be just fine. We wanted to come, and here we are. Let's go inside. Get out of the car, Suna."

We headed into the tiny cabin and Michiru examined it critically. She finally cleared her throat and tried to drive the disappointment out of her voice. "How...quaint."

"Can we go home?" Setsuna asked once again.

"Not until we visit my parents and the rest of my family," I said. Michiru looked suddenly miserable. I felt guilty. "I'm sorry...it's duty. As long as we're up here, they want to see us."

"I'm glad!" said Setsuna. "I love Sushi-San!" 

Sushi-San. That wasn't my mother's real name, of course, but she insisted my friends call her that. Frankly, my mother was nuts. Setsuna gave me a critical look as if she knew what I was thinking. "What?" I asked. Setsuna and my mother got on famously, but that wasn't surprising considering Setsuna was a little off the norm too.

Michiru sunk down on a wooden stool. "But it's not just her mom and dad, Suna. We also have to visit her aunt and uncle and her cousins and their babies."

"Hey, at least my psycho grandparents aren't here. To them, homosexuality is a big no-no, and the fact I don't have a job is even worse!" Come to think of it, my aunt and uncle wouldn't be too thrilled to learn I was a lesbian either. We would have to try to keep a bit cool. No wonder Michiru was nervous. "I'll handle everything somehow," I promised. 

Michiru then set about making the cabin her own. She started to unpack things and move other things around, all the time looking a bit like a deer caught in headlights. I could tell this place was making her _very_ nervous, but she was being brave. Setsuna, meanwhile, had deposited herself on the makeshift sofa and had pulled her long legs up to her chest, trying to be as compact as possible in the tiny cabin. "Michiru..." she whispered. "I think I'm too big for this place."

"Nonsense," said Michiru. "Why don't you go up into the loft and put on your bathing suit? We can go swimming before we light a fire to cook dinner."

I came in from outside, having just flipped on the electricity. "We're cooking over a wood fire? Do you know how to do that?"

Michiru shrugged. "Well...not really. But how hard can it be? It has to be better than your macaroni and cheese." I had taken on a very dark look. Michiru tried to hide a smile. "Sorry."

"Hot dogs shouldn't be too hard, I guess." I looked at Miss Claustrophobic. "Head on up there and put your suit on. Can't we at least try to have fun?" I sat down next to Setsuna and wrapped an arm around her. "You're happy here with us, aren't you? We're going to have a good time. It's small and a bit cramped, but we're here together and that's what's important."

Michiru applauded sarcastically and I shot her a look. There was no getting around one of Michi's irritable moods. But Setsuna snuggled close to me and said: "I'm glad I'm here with you."

This caused Michiru to break into a genuine smile. We were always trying to make up for Setsuna's years of loneliness at the Time Gate. "Then head on upstairs and get into your suit! Haruka and I will change down here, but we won't wait forever!"

Setsuna hopped up and climbed the tiny staircase to the loft. I handed her bag up to her and started to strip down to put on my yellow one-piece. "Are you going to sleep up here?" she called down. There was a queen-sized air mattress up there and sheets. One of the nicer features of the cabin. I figured Michi and I would have fun up there, but we would probably bump our heads on the ceiling. Besides, we were going to try to fit Setsuna up there with us, so she could actually get some sleep. I think she was on a maximum of an hour sleep in the past twenty-four-hours. 

"We are. You can sleep up there too. It's big enough for the three of us." I pulled on my bathing suit and yanked a towel out of one of the bags. 

Michiru was fastening her blue bikini bottoms. "What do you think, Suna?"

There was silence from above. Michiru looked at me. "That's odd."

I stepped over to the bottom of the stairs. "Honey, are you okay?"

Setsuna's voice was small. "Haruka...there is a giant...spider...crawling right for me."

Michiru shivered. "She's kidding! I'm not going up there to sleep in the dark if there are spiders up there!"

'Oye,' said my brain. This was going to be a long night. "I'm going to go up there and save Setsuna before she starts screaming."

"_I'm_ going to scream," said Michiru, backing up. "There better not be any more in here!" 

I climbed up to the loft to find Setsuna holding a blanket up over herself since she was undressed, a large black wolf spider crawling over the ceiling. I recoiled a bit. I could handle a daddy-long-legs, but those tarantula-like things freaked me out. I pulled off my shoe and whacked it to spider hell. Setsuna let out a sigh of relief, but scurried towards me in a hurry. "Whoa," I said, catching her by the shoulders. "Don't go toppling off here. It's dead now."

She clung to me. "I'm not sleeping up here." Her eyes darted to the corners of the loft and all over the ceiling. 

"I'm not either!" called Michiru. 

That figured. I nodded in resolution. "Understandable. One of you can take the couch and the other can have a cot. I'll sleep up here." 

"You're so brave!" exclaimed Setsuna. 

I was so floored at the fact that my girls could battle horrible spit-dripping monsters from the pits of hell, but couldn't handle a spider or a bumblebee. Or a mosquito, as it turned out.

"Ouch! Don't bite me!" Michiru was standing outside the cabin, swatting at her bare arms. "Haruka, the mosquitoes are terrible out here! Spray for them or something!"

"I'm afraid I can't. I just have spider spray."

Setsuna breathed a sigh of relief, but she was still watching the unfinished walls like a hawk.

"Just head on down to the water, Love. They won't be down there where it's sunny. There's just too much shade here."

Michiru went running pell-mell over the rocky ground towards the little path to the lake. I watched her retreating back-end with amusement while Setsuna gingerly pulled on her violet one-piece behind me. She wasn't too keen on me seeing her naked. Hmm...I wonder why? I then grabbed Setsuna's hand and off we went.

~*~

As Setsuna and I picked our way through the path, we saw Michiru standing there, gazing at the water. I went to her and wrapped my arms around her from behind. "Anything wrong?"

Setsuna voiced her opinion. "Where's the beach?"

"It's beautiful, Ruka, but Setsuna's right. There's no sand."

Oh no...I had forgotten to mention that it wasn't a sandy beach. In fact, it was all rocks. "Well...um...there's no sand at all, actually. That's why we're wearing the water shoes." I dug my water-shoe clad foot under a rock and kicked it. "The water will be nice, though. And we can sit on lawn chairs rather than beach blankets."

Setsuna tilted her head and smiled a bit. "It's not all that bad." She then looked down and jumped at Michiru. "AHHH!"

Michiru titled backwards from the force of Setsuna slamming into her. "Ahhhh! What?"

"There are spiders in the rocks!" the noble time god howled. 

"Ewww!" said Michiru.

I rolled my eyes. "I swear, how immature can two women possibly be?" I was met with furious glares. It was one of those times when I had to pull my foot out of my mouth. "I mean...do you want me to carry you to the water?"

"Don't bother!" huffed Michiru, even though Setsuna looked interested at the proposition. My love gripped Setsuna's arm and the two girls started to pick their way over the rocks to get to the water. Luckily, the spiders didn't seem to have evil intents and they were kind enough to stay in the rocks.

~*~

Once we tramped back up to the little cabin, it was time to use the bathroom - the bathroom being a wooden box with a toilet seat over a hole in the middle of the woods. Setsuna's eyes were as large as saucers. This would definitely be the hardest part of the weekend for her. 

Still in our bathing suits, I led the girls through the woods. Michiru was walking on tiptoe and swatting at her face from time to time, and Setsuna held her arms as close to her body as she could get them. Yet another word to describe them popped into my head: Pathetic. 

We reached the woodsy toilet and I gestured to it. "Go ahead, Michi."

She took a step towards it, smacked at her face again, and looked at us. "I can't go with all of you watching me!" 

I rolled my eyes. "This isn't the time for privacy. What if you need assistance?"

She pointed sharply down the path. "Both of you, wait down there!"

As Setsuna and I headed back down the path, waving away mosquitoes, I grunted. "She's too shy."

Setsuna crossed her arms. "Well, _I_ don't really want you looking at me when I'm using the bathroom either!" 

I looked around and directed a question to the creatures of the woods, "Is it any wonder I'm crazy? Look what I have to deal with!"

Michiru suddenly came pelting down the path again, practically in tears of frustration. She was waving her arms around her head like a crazy woman. I kind of wondered if she was having some sort of fit. "Geeze, what's wrong?"

"There are mosquitoes everywhere! They're trying to eat me alive! I can't have a pee with them all over me! I can't _concentrate_!" 

I was still trying to keep a straight face at the phrase 'have a pee' coming from Michiru. "They are bad, aren't they…I'm sorry."

Michi continued to dance around like a chicken with her head cut off. "I've got to get out of here, or I'll go mad!"

"I really have to use the bathroom!" Setsuna announced, obviously irked with the whole situation. "Take us to the harbor bathrooms!" 

"No way! You guys are just going to have to deal with it!" I could only keep my cool for so long.

Michiru took off at a run for the cabin, Setsuna at her heels. I sighed and stalked towards the bathroom to use it myself. There certainly were a lot of mosquitoes around, even though I didn't feel any bites from them. But I did understand how Michiru said it was hard to concentrate on the task at hand when you're swiping at them.

On my way back to the cabin, I happened upon two bundles of clothing that vaguely resembled Miss MosquitoBait and Miss Arachnophobia. They wore heavy pajama bottoms, their little white sneakers, and dark sweatshirts with hoods tied very tightly around their faces. Their hands were pulled back inside the sleeves and they kept their arms very close to their bodies. "We're going to the bathroom," the slightly shorter pile of clothing mumbled. "We'll be right back." 

"Right." I turned to head back into the cabin (to finally escape this mosquito hell), and my water shoe caught on an exposed root. I flailed my arms and went sprawling right into the foliage that lined the path. "AH-HA-HA!" I yelled stupidly. I sat up, feeling irritable. "Yes, well…that was delightful." I pulled myself up again and stalked back to the cabin to put some _clothes_ on. 

~*~

That afternoon, Setsuna and I took my father's little boat out. We sailed the high seas while Michiru took a nap. It was odd for Michi to turn down a water sport, but I think she was already set to call it quits. I, meanwhile, was feeling better, and Setsuna seemed high spirited even though we were hoping she would crash right after the fireworks. It would be a very long night for us if that girl didn't sleep. I scratched my arm, which was itchy.

After the boat ride, Michiru woke up and decided to paint the evening sky while I built a fire for dinner. I asked the good-natured Setsuna to help me carry some more firewood. I watched in amusement as she picked up _a_ piece and stumbled over the rocks towards the campfire. "Got enough there?" I asked.

"It's _heavy_!" she responded. 

So she was weak, but she was cute. 

We cooked hotdogs over the fire without too much hassle. My dad had left an apparatus that you put the hotdogs in to cook them, eliminating the messy prospect of them falling off the stick. I thought it might have been easier to just put them in the microwave, but Michi wanted to do the whole "camping out" thing. At least we ate indoors. 

We had just finished our dinner up at the cabin and sat back down around the beach campfire to wait for dark when I noticed Setsuna kept moving from spot to spot. First she was sitting on a rock, but she started dashing smaller rocks against it. Then she tried to sit on the pieces of wood the boat usually sat on, but jumped again pretty quickly. She kicked it a few times before finally ending up in my lawn chair with me, on my lap. I didn't mind too much, and Michiru thought it was cute. I was actually glad that it was Setsuna and not my Michi. Michiru smelled like a walking can of bug spray. It was then that I noticed Setsuna's stick.

Setsuna was bundled up in jeans and a sweatshirt and she felt soft and warm (think cuddly kitten material), so I tried to cuddle her. It would have been a nice bonding moment if she hadn't been bending over every couple of minutes to smack at something on the rocks with this stick she had picked up somewhere. It was becoming tiresome. I wanted a cuddle, dang-it! "What are you doing with that stick? You've been hitting things all night with it, haven't you."

She whispered to me confidentially, "The spiders are everywhere! Haven't you seen?"

"I haven't noticed," muttered Michiru, smacking a mosquito off the top of her hooded head. "But then again, I've been busy." 

"They must be coming out because of the fire. You ought to be safe on my lap, though. Good thing Michiru isn't the jealous type." I winked at my girlfriend.

She waved her hand. "I'm so uncomfortable right now, I wouldn't care if you were cheating on me with Seiya!"

I blanched. "That is not funny!" I then wiggled. "Setsie, as long as you're here, could you scratch my back?"

"Setsie?" She raised an eyebrow. Setsuna had one of the easiest names to form cute little nicknames out of. We liked to drive her crazy.

"Please? I'll give you a kiss." I grinned like a cheshire cat.

Setsuna looked at Michiru. "Your girlfriend is trying to seduce me, Michi."

Michiru was pulling her cuffs more firmly down over her hands. "Haruka, stop seducing that poor girl and stoke up the fire some more! It's nearly dark." Michiru seemed to brighten at the thought of fireworks. 

Setsuna was scratching my back and I was purring. "Ohhhyesthat'sreallynice!" 

She started to laugh. "No self control." WHACK. She took another swing at the rocks with her Spider Whacking Stick®. 

Soon mosquitoes and spiders were forgotten as Setsuna broke open the pack of fireworks. She eagerly set up the first one on the little cement "launch pad", and fired up my lighter. Her eyes gleamed with excitement.

Michi was cuddled in my arms now that Setsuna had vacated, and it was worth it even with the bug spray smell. "Do you think we should be letting her light those?" she asked. "What are the odds she lights that hair of hers on fire?"

"Well it can't hurt to give it a try. I hate lighting and scrambling."

Setsuna really took the instructions on the fireworks seriously. She was supposed to light the wick and GET AWAY. Well, she GOT AWAY so fast, she stumbled on the rocks and tumbled as the firework went off. She cowered in terror as the sparks went flying all around her.

Michi looked at me. "See?"

I smirked. "She'll get the hang of it."

Setsuna held up a little firework. "This one is called 'Flowers and Butterflies'."

"Oooo…" I said for effect. 

"Ahhh…" giggled Michiru.

Setsuna laughed like mad as she lit the firework and moved backwards. The firework burst forth in slightly half-assed glory as we watched appreciatively. Once it had burned out, Setsuna knocked it off the launch pad and set another one in its place. "This one is called 'Monsoon'." 

"Oooo…'Monsoon'! This one will be a winner, I can tell!"

Michiru elbowed me for being ridiculously over-enthusiastic. 

The firework blazed to life and we watched it. "Haven't we seen this before?" I asked.

"Yes," answered Michiru dryly. "It was called 'Flowers and Butterflies'." 

Setsuna laughed so hard she could hardly light the next firework.

In awhile we were getting a bit tired, but we were pretty amused. "These are the cheapest fireworks I've ever seen!" I laughed. Some had been really pretty, but a lot of them had resembled 'Flowers and Butterflies' in more ways than one. My favorite one was a horrifically loud one called "Piccolo Pete'. It shot out bright lights and a loud screeching noise for longer than thirty seconds. I loved it. Michiru eventually proclaimed she was going deaf, but I could have listened to that all day. 

Finally we came to the end of the batch. Setsuna lit the firework and scrambled for the last time. "What's this one called, Setsuna?" I asked. "It looks familiar too."

Once the firework had burned out, she examined the writing on the shell. "Um…'Flowers and Butterflies'." Setsuna immediately bent over in hysterical giggles. 

Michiru rolled her eyes. "Did you really have to ask that question?"

"Nah, I just wanted to hear Setsuna say it one more time."

~*~

Back up at the cabin, we tried our best to get ready for bed. We went to the bathroom again using a huge flashlight that lit the woods up like day. Michiru and Setsuna didn't seem so concerned about privacy at night in the pitch blackness, and they were eternally grateful that I stood down the path and shined the flashlight at them. "That thing is God," announced Michi. The mosquitoes didn't seem so bad at night either.

Then we brushed our teeth using coffee mugs with water, attempted to wash our faces, and went to bed. Michiru curled up on the makeshift couch, which was borderline comfortable, and Setsuna burrowed down in her quilt with a sleeping bag for padding on the collapsible cot. I took the air mattress upstairs, braving the spiders. I had sprayed the place earlier, so I figured they had to be really dumb to attempt an assault. 

Things were quiet for some time until I woke up with a jolt. I listened carefully, but there was no noise from downstairs. The girls were either asleep or at the bathroom being terrorized by wild animals. But I suddenly realized what had awoken me. My whole body was itching like it was on fire. "Oh my God!" I started to scratch convulsively at my pajamas. "Help!"

I heard the cabin door open and the girls came back in in their mosquito gear, holding the huge flashlight. "Haruka? Are you awake? We've just been to the bathroom."

"Help me...I'm dying!" I scratched my back like a demon. 

"What's wrong?" asked Michiru. "Come down here and let me help."

I painfully climbed down the ladder and threw myself into her arms. "Help me! I itch!"

Setsuna turned on the lamp while Michiru attended to me. "Let me lift up your shirt. Maybe you have bugs in it." She lifted my shirt up in back and gasped. "Love, you are completely broken out in a rash back here! What did you _do_?" 

I groaned. "I don't know! I did fall in the weeds earlier, but they're just woodsy plants!"

Michiru pulled my shirt off me and we realized my front was also saturated with the rash. "Sweetie, I think you may have fallen in poison ivy."

"Oh no!" I howled, scratching my rashy legs and arms. "Please help me."

"But how did you get it all over you like this? You're a mess!"

"I was in my swimsuit!" I wailed. I _knew_ I despised that suit! 

"Here, try this," said Setsuna, pulling calamine lotion out of the bag. "If we put this on you, it will help the itch." 

Setsuna and Michiru spent the rest of the night dabbing calamine lotion onto my poison ivy rash and listening to me cry. We got absolutely no sleep, but the girls were very good to me. It wasn't often that Sailor Uranus lay on her stomach on the couch, covered in pink medicine, balling. I could imagine the Inners taking photographs in mirth. 

~*~

The next morning dawned in silence as we packed up the car. Michiru was covered in mosquito bites from head to toe. It was as if they had been out to kill her from the moment we got there, and had almost succeeded. Setsuna's hair had a very smoky smell and her poor fingers were a bit singed from fireworks spitting at her. She held her Spider Whacking Stick and kept her eyes out for eight legged creatures that might decide to crawl over her feet. Paranoia was written all over her. I was still covered in calamine lotion. It was all over my face, my arms, my legs, my body, and yes, even my butt. I was uncomfortable being alive.

Michiru climbed into the driver's seat and finally spoke. "You just sit and relax and I'll drive us to your aunt and uncle's house."

I didn't love the idea of Michiru driving my car in unfamiliar territory, but I was too twitchy to drive. As I settled in the car and wrapped an arm around Setsuna who was nodding off on me, I had never been so happy to be visiting my family, and Michiru didn't seem to be complaining either. We would just visit the family, stay overnight in a cozy hotel, and get the heck back home. We'd had enough of the cabin for one summer. "But it was kind of fun," Setsuna murmured sleepily. 

I shook my head. "Go to sleep, Setsie." I then instructed Michiru to drive straight for an hour. "You know what, Michi?"

"What?"

"I've never been so excited about going to visit my homophobic family."

She laughed. "Neither have I, Ruka. Neither have I....." 

*~*~*~*

__

Okay, this one took a month to write! I know the Fourth of July was ages ago, but that's when I actually *started* this story. And I'll mention that most of this is true, except for the extreme misery. There *are* mosquitoes though. Oh yes...there are mosquitoes that bite your bum when you use the outdoor toilet. Piccolo Pete and Flowers and Butterflies also exist, unfortunately. Fireworks really are cheap nowadays. They all look the same, as Haruka noted. But Piccolo Pete was one of the coolest even it if did make your ears ring.

Next time: Haruka and Michiru are visited by an unexpected furry guest...with Setsuna in tow. See you next time!

The accompanying illustration: http://www.angelfire.com/anime4/setsuna_meioh/images/sets_ruka_heat.gif

Yes, Haruka's in her underwear. lol 

Also, if you like these stories and you like art, you may want to check out my new page called "Michiru's Scrapbook". It features photo-style drawings and other odds and ends with comments by Michiru. Check it out if you like the Outers as a family. 

http://www.angelfire.com/anime4/setsuna_meioh

Love,

Sets

setsuna_haruka_michiru@yahoo.com

http://www.angelfire.com/mi3/ladygrizdrawings/sailor_moon.html


	9. The Bark Of A Large Dog! Setsuna And Har...

The Bark Of A Large Dog?! Setsuna And Haruka Are Celebrities

*~*~*~*

"Where are yoooooou?" I tunneled through the mountain of sheets towards the sound of giggles. "I can hear you giggling. You're in here somewhere!"

Michiru's laughs came through the dim light of the sheet tent. "Come and find me!"

Yes, we were playing under the sheets. Like a couple of goofy kids, I know, but we took glee in small pleasures. 

I reached out and managed to grasp something warm. An ankle. "Gotcha!"

Michiru squealed and scrambled away from me. "Heheheheeeeeeeeeeeeek!" There was a thump from the other side of the bed. I sat up and pulled the covers off my head. "Michi?"

Michiru's giggles were now coming from the floor. "What, did you fall off the bed?" I asked.

"Yep!" She was very giddy. I looked at the empty bottle of champagne that was sitting on the nightstand. We had gotten a little carried away on this particular evening.

I leaned over and grasped her hands, pulling her back up on the bed. "I'm glad we stayed here tonight while Setsuna went to check the Gates. Pluto's Dance Party is great, but so are you."

Michiru giggled and stood up on the bed, curtseying in the little lace nightie she was wearing. "Why, thank you." She hopped up and let herself crash back down to the mattress, causing the bedsprings to complain loudly. "I have an idea! Let's go find some ice cream and make a big mess!"

I tried to extract the last remaining drops of the champagne from the bottle. "How much of this did you drink?" But I wasn't going to complain about ice cream. "Let's go."

~*~

Not long after, Michiru and I were seated at the table in negligees and slippers, eagerly scooping ice cream sundaes into our mouths. Michiru leaned over and smeared a glob of chocolate sauce right on my nose. "Hey, what are you trying to do? Get me all excited?" I asked. I tried to touch my tongue to my nose. "Setsuna will be home soon."

"I know she will. But she always goes right to her room and gets on the Internet, so she won't mind if we're playing with ice cream."

"But she will get upset if we don't offer her any. She won't turn down ice cream, either." I got up and pulled out a bowl for when Setsuna arrived. 

We had just cleaned ourselves up a bit when we heard the familiar whooshing noise that filled the air right before a Time Portal opened up. "Setsuna must be coming home. I hope she uses the cushions you set up for her, rather than just trying to appear in the kitchen," said Michiru. "Last time, she came falling out of the ceiling like a ton of bricks and broke the table. She got her poor bottom all bruised."

I pretended to be aghast. "And how would yo_u_ know that?"

Michiru smiled in a shifty way. "Wouldn't _you_ like to know?" 

I laughed. Poor Setsuna. She was always the butt of our naughty jokes.

There was a poof and a small portal opened up in the ceiling. Setsuna's Time Staff promptly fell out and smacked me right in the head before the portal closed again. "OWWW!"

Michiru clucked her tongue. "That girl needs to take better care of her things." 

I rubbed my head. "What is up with that?"

Michiru picked up the Staff. "Do you hear some kind of rumbling?"

I listened, nursing my aching head. "Yes, I do. It sounds like it's coming from the bedrooms."

A vicious barking suddenly started, causing both of us to jump. "What on earth is that?" Michiru exclaimed.

"A dog, I assume." I gulped. "A really loud dog." The barks were enough to make my eardrums hurt, and the walls had started to shake.

Michiru clutched onto me. "Where is it?"

Suddenly, the most gigantic dog I'd ever seen burst into the kitchen. Did I mention it was the size of a small elephant and had three heads? "AHHHHHHHHH!!!!" I grabbed for Michiru.

Michi started to scream her head off, both of us gawking at the animal which hardly paused before barreling through into the living room, knocking things off tables. "He-e-e-e-elp!" a jostled something cried from its back.

Michiru gathered her breath again. "Setsuna?!"

We stood in shock as the huge dog went plummeting through our cozy living room and burst right through the front door, knocking it off its hinges, and down the dark street. At least we had wide doorways. 

I looked at Michiru, still trying to breathe. "Houston, we have a problem." 

~*~

"What?" exclaimed the image of Usagi.

I nodded at my communicator. "You heard right. Pluto's loose in the city on the back of an elephant-sized dog with three heads."

"It wasn't quite that big," panted Michiru. She was picking her beloved dolphin figurines off the carpet. 

I could practically see the wheels turning in Ami's head as I gazed at her image, which had popped up next to Usagi's. "That dog sounds a lot like the creature the ancient Greeks believe guarded the underworld. Cerberus, he was called."

"And who do we know who's supposed to have some guardianship of the underworld?" Michiru prompted dryly.

"Hades," Ami immediately answered. "But he was also called Pluto."

I looked at Michiru. "Bingo. That's our beast. Let's move." 

~*~

We ran out of the house into the warm air and looked up and down the street. Everything was quiet in our peaceful little suburb, no sign of anything. "Great! She could be half-way to downtown Tokyo by now and we'll never know!" I exclaimed.

Suddenly my communicator blinked to life and Minako's face appeared. "Oh my God! You'll never believe this, Haruka, but I just saw a HUGE dog run past my house and you'll never guess who was on its back!" She was bouncing around so much her face would hardly stay in the view screen.

Michiru sighed deeply. "I can guess. Pluto was on its back?"

"Yes!" shrieked Minako. "How did you _know_?" 

"Maybe because our house is in shambles, since they just ran though it?" I said. Michiru and I hopped in the car and headed in the direction of downtown Tokyo. "Where were you when this news was new?"

Our little blonde friend blushed. "I was on a date."

I smirked. "Makes sense. Look, contact the other girls and see if you can track her down. Use Ami's computer or something. Michiru and I will be there in a few minutes." I floored the gas pedal.

"Slow down!" hollered Michiru. "It won't do any good if you get us killed!"

"I'm a professional racer!" I countered. "I won't get us killed. I'm very careful."

Michiru held both hands over her hair. "How many crashes have you been in, hmmm?"

I decided to take what the Americans called "The Fifth" on that question. 

~*~

Soon enough, we were standing around outside Usagi's house, which Ami had determined as the location of the next Pluto and Furry Friend sighting. The dusty gears in Usagi's head were working overtime that night. "Okay, here's the plan! When they run by, Mina ropes the dog with her Love Me Chain. Haruka, you get up there and pull Pluto off before the chain breaks." Huh. Actually, it was a pretty good plan. 

"Why me?" I asked. 

"You're the biggest."

"But I'm not an amazon!" I countered. "I can't just go scrambling up on some huge mythological dog with three heads!"

"Mamoru can do it!" decided Chibi-Usa, who stood by holding Hotaru's hand. "He's a big, strong, brave man. He's a hero!"

"Hey!" I exclaimed. "I'm a big, strong, brave ma-woman!"

"You just said you didn't want to do it. You're a walking contradiction of yourself," Michiru pointed out.

I sighed. "I know."

"Hey..." Rei finally took a good look at us. "What are you guys wearing?"

I looked down at my clothing, immediately horrified. Michiru squealed and jumped behind me. We were still wearing lacey negligees, and although we were decently covered, it was more of me than I wanted anyone to see. "Okay, so we were ready for bed and we forgot to change." 

They gave us skeptical looks. I could practically hear their faith in the Outers dying a slow, horrendous death. 

"HE-E-E-ELP!" A voice came crackling through my communicator. The owner of the voice was being bounced so violently she could hardly spit out her cry for assistance. I looked at my communicator and all I could see was masses of dark fur and strands of green hair. "Hang on, honey!" I called into it. "We'll get you down!"

Rei looked exasperated. "How did she even manage to do this!" I gave her a death look, ready to pull my Space Sword. Only Michiru and I were allowed to get exasperated at Setsuna!

Michiru put a hand on my shoulder to silence my growling. She spoke into her communicator: "Sweetheart, how did you get on the dog?"

"I-F-FE-FELL-IN-TH-THE-TI-ME-STREA-M"

I believed this and could picture it completely...

*PLUTO CAM*

Pluto: "I love Time! Now to check the Time Stream. I lo-OOPS! AHHHHH!" *thud*

Cerberus: "WOOF!"

Pluto: "Uh Oh..."

**

"Ruka? Haruka, wake up." 

"Huh?" Michiru had been nudging me after I spaced out. "Oh, yeah. Well, are they almost here?" I pulled the negligee down around my bum a little more. Darn sexy underwear... Mamoru also chose that moment to swoop out of Usagi's house, and I swear he took a good look at me. Laugh it up, Tux Boy. You won't see Haruka like this _ever_ again. 

Ami scanned her computer. "They're coming this way. They should be by any minute."

"Poor Setsuna-Mama!" cried Hotaru. "We have to get her down from there! She doesn't even like dogs that much." She wrung her hands.

"Better transform, Minako," advised Makoto, peering over Ami's shoulder. "They're nearly on us."

"Right!" Minako made a traditional Sailor V pose and threw her hand up in the air. "VENUS STAR POWER, MAKEUP!" She twirled around and gestured at us. "Goddess of love and beauty, at your service!"

"Am I that over-dramatic when I transform?" I asked. 

"Worse," giggled Michiru.

Ami motioned for us to get out of the road. "Get back. Here they come. Venus, get ready!"

All of us except for Venus and Mamoru, who knew he was going up after Pluto, got out of the way of the street. The pavement started to vibrate as the massive three-headed dog turned down our street and headed straight for us. Pluto was hanging onto the dog's middle neck for dear life, hollering up a storm. I wanted to know how that thing made it through our house without causing monumental damage. At least it was considerate. 

Venus raised her hand. "VENUS LOVE ME CHAIN!" Power burst out of her hand and the thin golden chain wrapped around the left neck of the dog just as he was tearing past us. He was jerked and started to growl, pulling at the end of his bonds. "Go, Mamoru! It won't hold long!" 

Mamoru was rooted to the spot, staring, his mouth hanging open. I slapped him on the back. "Go on! Get up there and get her!" 

"Can't...feel...legs..." he gasped, and before we could do anything, big, brave, strong, manly Tux was passed out on the concrete. 

I gave him a kick, ignoring that he would one day be our future king - he was very much just Mamoru now - and slung myself up on the dog's back. "Hold on, baby, I'm coming!" 

Pluto let go of the dog's neck and reached for me. "Ruka!" 

As I clasped her hand, the Love Me Chain dissolved, and the dog reared forward. Pluto and I fell backwards and I managed to grip onto the dog's fur and get an arm around Pluto as the dog took off at breakneck speed. 

"Why didn't Pluto just jump off when she first fell on the dog?" I heard the irritable Rei demand before we were carried off, and Michiru's just as irritated response of: "She's Sailor Pluto, not Hercules!" 

~*~

Some time later, Pluto and I were riding along at a nice speed. "You know," I said, ignoring the fact I was being jostled around, "this is actually a nice way to tour Tokyo."

Pluto eyed me. "What do you have on?"

I shook my head. "Don't ask."

"How are we going to get off this thing? I should have just jumped."

I rejected that idea. "No, you would have hurt yourself, even as Sailor Pluto. It's too hard to jump off an object that's moving this fast. You'd have no control." 

Pluto rose next to me to peer over the dog's middle head. "Haruka, what's that up there?"

I strained my neck. "It looks like some kind of...police road block!" We were barreling towards a whole crowd of people on the sidewalks and police officers with guns. It looked as if the whole town had turned out to see the freakish dog that was loose in their city. Naturally, Tokyo had seen lots of odd things, but this seemed to be the only time the Sailor Soldiers hadn't managed to stop the threat.

People started to exclaim in excitement and awe as Cerberus barreled among them. I started to hear cries of, "A Sailor Soldier! The dark-haired one! Haruka Tenoh, the racer! He's so cute! What's he doing with her? And what's he _wearing_?" 

I would have waved if I hadn't been in lingerie. Now they not only thought I was a guy, but also a cross-dresser. Fabulous. I liked masculine clothing, but I also was glad to be a girl. I didn't want to be known as 'Haruka Tenoh, that guy who wears negligees.' 

I suddenly blinked as a TV camera flashed on, blinding Pluto and me. Great, we'd be making the morning news. "VENUS!" I yelled into my communicator. "WHERE ARE YOU?"

"I'm up here!" I saw her orange-clad form waving at me wildly from a bridge we were approaching. She had her Love Me Chain alive and hanging from her hand. The TV cameras had spotted her and all light was suddenly on her. She gave them a brilliant Minako smile and dropped the Chain down to our level. 

Pluto pointed. "Look!" The police officers had lowered their weapons and were preparing to fire on the dog.

"Ready...Aim..."

"No, DON'T!" Pluto hollered. "He's not from our time!"

"FIRE!" Little darts hit the dog and he immediately stopped in his tracks and started to weave. 

"They were just tranquilizers," I said, wrapping an arm around Pluto's waist and hauling her up off her feet. "We'd better get off this beast, or we're going over!" I reached up and grasped the golden Chain. With a yank from our friend, Pluto and I were flying up towards Venus, to the delight of a cheering crowd.

Pluto ran down from the bridge and gestured for everyone to move away from the unconscious dog before anyone could get near enough to poke and prod him. "I'll send him back to his time!" she exclaimed, her Time Staff materializing in her hand. She raised her Staff and the dog disappeared in a great flash of purple light. The crowd oohed and ahhed. 

I would have given anything to have Pluto simply whisk _us_ back home, as several reporters and camera-people approached us. Pluto ran to me and flung her arms around my neck, grateful for my help, and was promptly caught in the snare as well. We were quickly rounded up, together with Venus, and asked a barrage of questions. I could see the others smiling at us from the sidelines, though Usagi looked bummed at not getting the immediate attention for once. I gave Michiru a helpless look and shrugged. Meanwhile, Venus was living it up.

~*~

Early in the morning, the whole group of us sat around the TV in Usagi's house, having decided to have an impromptu sleepover. Naturally, we didn't get much sleep and were still up at five to catch the early, early news. The Inners and Hotaru were sprawled on the floor, half-watching, and half-dozing, and Michiru and I had the very shaken Setsuna stretched out across our laps. Our interest perked when the story came on the TV, but Setsuna covered up her face in embarrassment. 'Late last night in Tokyo, some kind of mythological beast was let loose in the downtown area after appearing to have kidnapped both the Sailor Soldier of Pluto and our very own Haruka Tenoh, famous racecar driver.'

"Oh my God." I hid my face against Michiru's shoulder. "This is so humiliating."

"There you are!" cried Hotaru. Yes, there I was, hugging Pluto, in my lingerie. 

"Oh my God," I repeated. 

The news anchor continued: 'Everything was once again put to rights as Sailor Venus appeared and rescued the two from a possible catastrophe.' Minako and Co. cheered and tossed popcorn around.

The image of Venus suddenly popped up on the screen. 'They were in danger and I was the only one who could save them from the mythological dog, so horribly out of his time! My Venus Love Me Chain and I will always be there to bring assistance to the helpless!" She held out her two fingers in a victory expression and winked.

Setsuna and I glared at Mina. She sweatdropped and pointed to the TV. "Your interviews are coming up now."

'Sailor Pluto was able to send the dog back where he came from, using her Time Stick.'

"'Time _Stick_'?" Setsuna muttered. 

Pluto's face appeared, and her image kept looking around nervously, refusing to meet the camera with her eyes. 'Why didn't I just jump off the dog? Well, I couldn't just leave the dog all alone in a strange city, could I? And Haruka thought I would hurt myself if I jumped, and I probably would have too. I don't have the best luck.' She looked over at someone, probably Michiru. 'Can I go now?'

Setsuna buried her head in her hands. "I look so dumb."

Michiru hugged her tightly. "No...you look cute! Look how cute you are!"

The next footage was of a livid looking Haruka. 'No, I'm not a _cross-dresser_! I'm a GIRL!' 

I banged my head against the back of the couch. "I really want to die."

The anchor was back, giving the camera a bubbly smile. 'So, thanks to the efforts of Sailor Venus, Tokyo is safe once again from invasion.'

Michiru cautiously flipped off the television. "We've had enough, don't you think?"

Setsuna and I had clasped our arms around each other in our misery. Meanwhile, Minako was saying to the cheerful Makoto: "I hope they replay the newscast at seven so I can tape it!"

"How does one fall in the Time Stream, Setsuna?" asked Ami. I'm glad she asked, since she did it in a nicer way than Rei would have. 

Setsuna groaned. "I was just checking it and I tripped into it. I flew through Time and landed in Hades, right on Cerberus. He got excited and jumped through a Time Portal. It's not like I could help it!" A-ha! My Pluto Cam was correct. 

"Sounds like something Usagi would do," chirped Chibi-Usa. 

Usagi stopped sponging off wimpy Mamoru's forehead with a washcloth to give the kid a dirty look. 

Michiru stroked Setsuna's hair. "Well, dear, you don't have very good coordination. Why do you think Haruka put those cushions down for you in the living room?" 

Setsuna sniffled. "I know."

Hotaru suddenly launched herself into Setsuna's lap and threw her arms around her neck. "Don't worry, Suna. We love you anyway!"

We shared a big group hug and then prepared to get some sleep.

"But I don't have anything to wear to sleep," said Setsuna.

"I know!" exclaimed feisty Rei. "I found this in Usagi's drawer." She held up a lacy nightie, not unlike the ones Michiru and I were wearing. Needless to say, Rei quickly got a pillow in the face...

*~*~*~*

Next Time: Not really sure. :) I have a couple of ideas in the works, but I'm not sure what will come first. What happens when the lovers quarrel? What does Setsuna do when she's really bored? (And no, it doesn't involve getting Haruka drunk!). All these questions (possibly) answered and more, next time! Expect another Hotaru cameo too. 

Also, on a more serious note, it's come to my attention that someone wrote a story that's a lot like my Chapter 3 of this series. Even though she used her own words for the most part and added things, some of the elements, including the basic plot and some phrasing, look as if they might have been taken from my fic. I'm sure I'm hardly the first one to write about drunken Outers, but just as a reminder to writers, make sure you use your own plot elements even if it's basically open season on the subject. I know originality is mostly dead, but you still have to be very careful of what phrases you use, and at least give some kind of credit if you know your work is inspired by someone else's. (At least that's all *I* ask) I'm not even sure if this writer knows she did it (it might have been sort of sub-conscious – I worry about that), but if she does and she really did take things from my fic, I just hope she might give me credit so I don't have people accusing me of plagiarizing someone else's work, thinking I copied it off hers. Thanks!

Until next time,

Sets

An Accompanying Illustration: 

Black and White Version: http://www.angelfire.com/art2/prettybetsikes/images/haruka_pluto.gif

Computer Coloring Attempt: http://www.angelfire.com/art2/prettybetsikes/images/haruka_pluto_color.jpg

Oh yes, I also wrote a fanfiction about the deaths of the Outers in the Stars manga. It's sad, but sweet in that it focuses on the love the four have for each other. Here's the address if you're interested: 

http://fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=880717 

* * *


	10. A Lovers’ Quarrel! Haruka And Michiru Ar...

A Lovers' Quarrel! Haruka And Michiru Are Ridiculously Unreasonable

*~*~*~*

The day got off to an odd start. The first conscious realization I had was that Setsuna was in bed with us. "Michi, is there something about last night I don't remember?" I muttered.

It turns out that Setsuna had come into the room, thrown herself on Michiru, and was now begging for Midol, and we girls all know what that means. It meant several fun-filled days of cramps, tears, and irritable mood-swings. Time also seemed to do funny things when Setsuna was in pain. One month, a goat dropped out of a time portal, and Michiru and I spent most of the afternoon trying to shove it back in. Michiru was not happy that day, especially after the goat ate her favorite pair of expensive shoes, and she vowed never to let Setsuna suffer through cramps again.

Michiru sparked into action before the apocalypse could begin. Setsuna already had her eyes shut tightly, and a wail was building up in her throat. Some of us took our time of the month like troupers –

"IT HURRRRRRRTS!"

-And some of us didn't. 

Michiru threw a blanket around Setsuna's shoulders and left her with me. "Midol! Have to find Midol!" she yelled, very much in a panic.

I wrapped my arms around Setsuna and rocked her. "It'll be over soon."

"Don't treat me like an infant!" she said in one breath, and then in the next: "It HURTS! Hold me!" 

Michiru's head poked into the room. "We're out of Midol."

"Get her an Aspirin!" I ordered.

"That won't work!" howled Setsuna.

"Okay, keep calm everyone." I started to throw off my tank top and boxers in exchange for dress-shirt and jeans. "I'll just go to the store. You hang tight, Setsuna, and I'll be back soon."

"Hurry!" ordered the goddess of time. To my horror, I thought I heard the whoosh of a time portal.

~*~

When I arrived back from the store, a full regiment of supplies and good craving foods (like chocolate and ice cream) in tow, everything seemed to be in order. No wild animals were roaming the house, and apparently Genghis Kahn was still in his own time (don't ask). Setsuna was curled up on the couch, whimpering. I entered the living room and rubbed her shoulder. "Here, beautiful. I got you some pills and other supplies and goodies."

"Oh, thank you!" She looked at me gratefully and headed into the kitchen to find some juice.

"Where's Michiru?" I followed her and put the ice cream in the freezer. 

"She took a taxi and went shopping." Setsuna broke open the Midol box. "I think she got sick of me." 

I was aghast. "A taxi? Shopping? She knows we're a little strapped for cash right now!" I ignored the fact I wasn't helping much with finances. 

Setsuna moved slowly, so as not to encourage my wrath. "I'm sure it won't be that bad, Haruka."

I shut the freezer door with a bang. "Did she take her own money?"

Setsuna hesitated. "Well…no…actually, she took your credit card."

"WHAT?!" 

Setsuna had just taken a pill and a big gulp of juice when I yelled, and she promptly started to choke. I started to slap her on the back, absolutely furious. "How could she just take my credit card?! She knows I don't like it when anyone uses my credit card! You girls and your shopping habits!"

Setsuna sputtered. "Leave me out of this."

"She's going to hear it when she gets home!" I stomped out of the kitchen and shut myself in my bedroom, slamming the door. 

I instantly felt stupid. Maybe she just needed to do a little window shopping to relieve stress. It had to be better than having her suddenly snap, with the consequence of having to pry her out of the bathroom. She would probably come home with a new lipstick, and everything would be fine.

~*~

Hours later, I roused myself from my bed where I had drifted off in front of our bedroom television. I hadn't heard anything from Setsuna, so I figured she was sleeping…or dead. Same difference. 

What woke me up had been the sound of the front door. "I'm home!" called Michiru.

I headed out to the living room, prepared to kiss Michiru and ask her if she had had a nice day. "Hey, we missed you!" I called out. "What all did you - ?" The living room floor was covered with bags. I let my mouth hang open, and tried to formulate words. "Wha?…Wha?…"

Michiru smiled. "I went shopping. Didn't Setsuna tell you? There was a big sale, and I decided I shouldn't pass it up."

"But, you…"

"I realize I should have taken Setsuna with me, but she didn't feel well and wanted to sleep. I was looking at the paper after you left, and discovered that the sale was today. I needed to get there before all the good items were taken. There was so much there that I liked!"

"But, you…" I couldn't speak.

She kneeled next to her twenty-some bags. "Do you want to see what I bought? You should see the designer clothes I found!"

I exploded. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SENSIBLE ONE!" I stood over her, foaming at the mouth at the amount of money she must have spent.

She froze and gawked up at me. Presently, her blue eyes filled with tears. "Why are you yelling at me?" 

"How much?!" I demanded.

Michiru trembled. "Um…about…six?"

"Six _what_?" 

She cringed. "Hundred?"

"AHHH!" I gave her a look of death.

By then, she had gotten over being hurt, and she was just as angry as I was. "Now, you listen to me Haruka Tenoh! I have every right to go out and buy something if I want! I'm an adult woman, and I have _needs_!" 

"But it's six hundred dollars!" I thundered. "You're crazy!"

"You are!" she screamed at me. "Who's the one who buys motorcycles every year?!" She shoved me.

"That was before we were low on finances! And don't shove me! It's wrong to hit a girl!"

"_I'm_ a girl _too_!" 

Setsuna headed into the living room from the hallway, rubbing her eyes sleepily. "What's going on? Why are you yelling?"

I turned on Setsuna. "Miss _Kaioh_ spent six hundred dollars on clothing and makeup!" 

Setsuna, still not fully awake, cowered. I was scary when I was mad.

Michiru looked enraged. "Well, Miss _Tenoh_ here has no right to get on me about money, when all she ever does is buy parts for her precious _car_!" 

"Leave my baby out of this!" I yelled.

Setsuna's face screwed up. "Don't fight! I'm miserable!" She burst into tears, and proceeded to start digging through the shopping bags to find anything that might have been bought for her. 

"Good job, Haruka! You made her cry! You bully!" Michiru started to gather up half of the bags (Setsuna dragged the other half to her room, tears still flowing freely), and flounced towards our bedroom. 

"_I'm_ the bully?! Who's the one shoving people?" I felt red in the face.

"I don't think you'd better come near me right now, Haruka!" Michiru dumped the bags in the bedroom and grabbed the doorknob. 

"You'll stay away from me too, if you know what's good for you!" I answered, grabbing the bathroom door. I immediately pictured the police swarming outside, ready to arrest me for threatening my girlfriend.

"FINE!" Michiru slammed our bedroom door with a crash.

I paused, looking at the bathroom door. "Yeah, well…FINE!" I slammed the bathroom door as hard as I could, even though I was still standing in the hallway. 

"Stop the noise!" Setsuna howled from behind her closed door. 

~*~

Dinner was a stony experience. Michiru came out of the bedroom and boiled a small bit of spaghetti in complete silence. She then very deliberately dished out pasta and sauce onto two, not three, plates. She gave me a look that clearly said 'I am not attending to you', and called Setsuna in to dinner.

No one spoke as we ate. Michiru daintily finished all her spaghetti, while Setsuna picked at hers and hardly ate enough to keep a bird alive, due to a very queasy stomach. As for me, I resignedly ate my peanut butter and jelly sandwich and wished that someone would say something. _Anything_!

Finally, Michiru spoke. "Setsuna dear, please ask Miss Tenoh if she would mind not hogging the bread. There _are_ other people at this table." 

Setsuna just looked at her.

I bristled. "Well, you can tell Miss Kaioh that I think what she's doing is completely childish."

Setsuna quirked an eyebrow. "But you're doing it too."

Michiru gripped her fork harder. "Well, you just tell Miss Tenoh that I really don't _care_ what she thinks!"

I rose off my chair several inches and flung a napkin onto the floor. "Setsuna! You tell Miss Kaioh that she's entirely too girlie! No one needs six hundred dollars worth of clothes!"

Michiru slammed her fork down on the table and yelled, "Well, Miss Tenoh is entirely too boyie, and she doesn't need to spend six hundred dollars on car parts!"

Setsuna gawked at Michiru. "There's no such word as 'boyie'."

"Oh yeah?!" I thundered.

"Yeah!" hollered Michiru.

We both started to scream at each other in a babble of incomprehensible words, both of us picking on each other for anything the other ever did. Finally, there was a horrible shriek and something sliced through the air and hit the table with a crack. The thing just happened to be Setsuna's Time Staff, and Setsuna was holding it, looking none too happy. "SHUT IT!" she ordered. To illustrate her point, our table cracked down the middle and broke in half, spilling dishes all over the floor. She glared at us, garnet eyes blazing. "OUT! NOW!" She made a threatening gesture with the Time Staff, her other hand pressed to her abdomen. The poor thing still had cramps. "GO!"

We took this as a hint, and quickly made ourselves scarce.

Michiru and I met in the living room. "She's scary when she's mad," she said.

"Good thing it's only once a month, or we'd be spending a fortune on tables."

Then we remembered we weren't speaking, and turned away from each other. Finally, after several moments of bitter silence, I spoke. "I'm leaving."

Michiru stole a glance at me. "You are?"

"May as well." My voice stuck in my throat. "I wouldn't be able to sleep if I stayed, and neither would you."

Michiru hung her head. "Go, then."

"I will." I pulled a sweatshirt off the pile by the door and left Michiru standing in the living room, and Setsuna crying for no good reason in the kitchen.

~*~

Later that night, I curled up in bed next to Hotaru, having decided to stay at the Tomoe's. Whether or not Hotaru's father knew I was there didn't seem to matter. Hotaru was pretty much left to do her own thing.

Hotaru was sweet and cuddly, but I missed Michiru. I wondered if Michiru was wearing the silver nightie to bed. I wondered if the girls had had ice cream for desert. I wondered if poor Setsuna was still crying. I missed home. Plus, there was a really spooky lamp across the room, and it was just waiting for to fall asleep so it could eat me. 

Hotaru suddenly rolled over and her arm flopped hard on my stomach. "Ugh!" I grunted. But I patted Hotaru's head. She was so cute.

I had just closed my eyes when I heard a noise outside. Some kind of rustling. "Hotaru! Wake up!" I shook the smaller girl.

Hotaru whimpered and rubbed at her eyes. "Ruka, I'm _sleeeping_."

"Shh...there's something outside."

The sound of a twig snapping made us jump. "Ruka! What is it?" Hotaru clutched my right hand as my left dug through my clothing pile for my transformation pen. (I was sleeping in my underwear. Hotaru's father would probably freak.)

The beautiful sound of violin music suddenly drifted through the chill night air. Hotaru and I looked at each other for an instant before we leapt to the window.

Michiru was standing down on the lawn, her eyes closed, playing away. Hotaru looked at me. "It's so sweet! She's serenading you!"

I couldn't answer. My throat had a huge lump in it.

Michiru suddenly raised her eyes to me and she smiled. "Please come back home?"

I hesitated, just drinking in the fact she was down there. Hotaru elbowed me. "You're both being ridiculous! Go down there and make up!"

It took a twelve-year-old to make me move. I ran down the stairs and out the front door, grabbing for Michiru. I embraced her hard. "I've been so stupid! Let's never fight again!"

"I've been stupid too! I never want another harsh word to pass between us!"

Hotaru carefully lay my clothing on the doorstep and shook her head. "Children…" She shut the door.

I scooped up my clothes. Once again, I found myself out in public in my underwear. Why me? "How did you get here, Love?" I had the car.

Michiru shivered. "I took the motorbike."

"You actually got on that thing? _You_?" 

She nodded. "Amazing, isn't it? I love your car, but could do without the motorbike. The helmet makes my hair stick to my forehead, and it's just too fast."

I smiled. "You and the violin can take the car. I'll ride the motorbike. See you at home, sweetie." Truly sickening, yes. But at least we were happy again.

~*~

The first thing we did when we arrived home was to attack Setsuna in her bedroom. Poor unassuming Setsuna was placidly poking at her laptop when suddenly she had the lesbian population of the Sailor Soldiers on top of her. "Whaa! It's three in the morning!"

We hugged her. "Guess what, honey!" I said happily. "Michiru and I are back together!"

"I'm so surprised," she grumbled sarcastically.

"And we vowed never to fight again! So you won't have to break any more tables."

"I'll believe it when I see it." Setsuna tried to push us off of her.

Michiru added, "And we just wanted to thank you for putting up with us this afternoon, even though you weren't feeling well and were horrifically cranky." At this point, we both planted kisses on Setsuna's cheeks. 

The combination of the slight insult and the kisses caused Setsuna to widen her eyes, grab a pillow, and smack us soundly with it. "GO AWAY!"

As we escaped, I couldn't help but laugh. "Don't worry, Michi. Give her a couple of days and she'll be back to being only mildly cranky."

"Yes, I think I'll wait a couple of days before going through her closet to find all the clothes she snatched while we were fighting…." 

*~*~*~*

__

Ahh…silly, yet sentimental. Sorry for the delay. Writer's block. But thanks for the nice reviews!!

Next Time: Michiru finds a very interesting way to get unwanted company away from Setsuna. See you then!

Love, Lady Grizzy

An Accompanying Illustration: http://www.angelfire.com/art2/prettybetsikes/images/haruka_setsuna_michiru_fight.gif

setsuna_haruka_michiru@yahoo.com

http://www.angelfire.com/mi3/ladygrizdrawings


	11. Menace On The Subway! Setsuna Is Spoken ...

__

Note: This part involves a kiss between girls, so if you can't handle that…why are you reading this fanfiction? lol 

Menace On The Subway! Setsuna Is Spoken For

*~*~*~*

I don't like it when people drive my car. Or my motorcycles. I'm not so picky about my cute little motorbikes, but it takes guts to get on one of them. So when Michiru and Setsuna decided to go out for the afternoon on the same day I was to be at the garage, I knew we would have a problem. I sensed another huge disagreement coming on.

"Haruka, can't you just drop us off downtown on your way to the garage?" Michiru asked me as she cleared away the dinner dishes. Then to Setsuna: "For God's sake, eat! You're a chopstick!" Michiru wanted us all to be strong, healthy, and pleasantly plump, and Setsuna stubbornly refused to gain any weight.

"Honey, I'm leaving for the garage at six-thirty in the morning. Good luck getting her out of bed that early." I gestured to Setsuna who was gloomily picking apart a piece of bread. 

"I don't believe _you're_ getting up that early. It must be some kind of miracle!" Michiru shook her head. "But six-thirty is way too early, even for me. And I'm not dragging cranky Setsuna through the shopping district all day on that little sleep. She'll be ready to cop out by lunchtime."

"Need I remind you that I'm in the room?" Setsuna grumbled.

I started to pick off Setsuna's plate. It's a wonder I wasn't pudgy, even more so than Michiru wanted me to be. "What if you took the motorcycle?" I figured it was better than my beloved car.

"I'm not getting on that thing. It's dangerous. And I wish you would stop giving rides to the little girls, as well." The 'little girls' were now nearly twenty (not that they acted like it). "Let us have the car, Ruka."

"No way! I'm taking the car to show off to the guys at the garage."

"I'll take the little motorbike," said Setsuna.

I shook my head. "Try to remember that you hate to drive, and all you have is an expired learner's permit."

"Well, I'm not afraid to drive a little motorbike," she groused.

Michiru stopped all further debate. "It doesn't matter. We will take the subway."

I smiled. "Good girls. Very independent." Honestly, I was tired of driving their butts everywhere. Not very gracious, I know.

Since no one had any complaints, Michiru stopped trying to force-feed Setsuna, and we congregated in the living room for Silent Reading Time (another one of Michiru's organized sanity-saving activities).

~*~

I'm to understand that the next morning at about ten o'clock my girls got on the subway that would take them to downtown Tokyo. This in itself wasn't that exciting, nor was what they did there. I assume they had tea and went shopping, although after our recent blowup, Michiru bought next to nothing. All in all, I think they had a good day. Things only got complicated when they caught the subway to come home again.

When the girls boarded, the train was pretty full, so they were going to have to sit next to people. Michiru had dropped into a seat next to some man and Setsuna sat next to her with an empty seat to her left.

At the next stop, an older, scruffy, suspicious-looking man had gotten on, and he took the seat next to Setsuna. "I felt Setsuna scoot a little closer to me, but I didn't think anything of it," said Michiru. "She really doesn't like it when strangers get too close to her."

They had ridden in silence for some time, but Setsuna had started inching closer and closer to Michiru. "Eventually, she was practically in my lap, but her face showed no emotion. She just kept her eyes straight ahead behind her sunglasses."

Finally, Setsuna had leaned over to Michiru and whispered: 'Michi, this guy is staring at me.'

Michiru had replied: 'Just ignore him.' I would have smacked him one, but I hadn't been there to defend them from creeps.

'But he keeps moving closer to my seat. He makes me nervous!' Setsuna had complained.

This is the point in the story where I'm pacing around the living room with my hands balled into fists, vowing to pulverize the next guy who even _glances_ at Setsuna. 

"I really didn't know what to do," said Michiru. "The train was so full, we couldn't move to different seats. Maybe I should have switched places with her, but the guy to my right didn't seem much better."

"Well, you shouldn't have had to sit by any man!" I grunted.

So Setsuna had been forced to sit by this rather uncomfortably cozy guy, at least until he got off and someone more respectful got on. "If he had tried to touch her, I would have smacked him right in the face!" Michiru exclaimed with a vengeance. She would have, too. Michiru could hit hard.

Things had been peaceful for awhile, but suddenly Michiru heard the man speak. 'Hi.'

Setsuna had just looked his direction for a brief moment and smiled vaguely. "But he pursued it!" Michiru exclaimed angrily. "He asked her what her name was."

A wail suddenly came from where Setsuna had curled up in an armchair. "I didn't want to tell him, but it would have been impolite not to answer!"

"She told him?" I demanded.

"Actually, she told him her name was Trista. I wonder where she got Trista?"

"It just came to me," said Setsuna. 

'I'm Bobby,' he had said. What kind of name was Bobby, anyway? 'You have really pretty hair.'

'Thanks,' Setsuna had answered, still being polite.

'Who's your pretty friend over there?' He had looked at Michiru.

This is the point where Michiru stops me from punching the wall. "Hentai!"

"Calm down, Haruka! He was smitten with Setsuna. I wouldn't talk to him, so he basically ignored me."

'I am reading,' Michiru had answered, and ignored the man. This was one time when Michiru's ice princess façade came in handy. Michiru had acted as if she was indeed reading her book, but she was secretly keeping an eye on the guy. "And I did not like where he was looking at all!" Across the room, Setsuna self-consciously folded her arms over her breasts. Michiru nodded. "Exactly."

"I should have killed him when I had the chance!" Why I didn't think to pull my Space Sword when the guy came up from the subway, I don't know. I would have if I had known the whole story at that point. 

Then the guy had noticed the shopping bag that Setsuna had between her feet. 'What have you got there? Something sexy? Lingerie?' 

Setsuna's eyes had narrowed behind her sunglasses. "I was expecting her to Dead Scream him right there and then," said Michiru. "But she kept calm. Our stop was coming up anyway."

Michiru had reached over and taken Setsuna's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. 'Well, our stop is coming up,' she said to her. 'Time to get off.'

"I had never been so relieved," said Setsuna. 

"You should have punched him, Setsuna," I coached. 

"I'd never been in that situation before. I didn't know what to do offhand."

Michiru crossed her arms. "I think it was harassment. Asking her if she had purchased lingerie, honestly! What a question!"

"If you want this guy dead, Setsuna, just say the word and it's done." I held a crazy look in my eyes.

"That's very kind, Haruka, but it's over now." Setsuna sunk down further in her chair. 

Michiru had pulled Setsuna up the second the train stopped and yanked her out the door, only to discover that Bobby had followed them. This is the point in the story when I come back into it. I had walked to the subway stairs to meet them, and when I was still several paces away I saw them being followed up onto the street and then stopped by this guy. I wondered who he was, so I walked a little closer and stood within good hearing distance.

'It was nice to see you today,' he said to Setsuna. 'I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me sometime?'

'Uhhh…' said Setsuna. 

'Maybe go back to my place for a drink?' He winked. I glared and my teeth clenched in a very painful way.

Michiru studied him for a minute, before gently wrapping an arm around Setsuna's shoulders. 'Um, I'm afraid you don't really understand, Sir. You see, she's spoken for.' Then Michiru swiftly turned Setsuna around and caught her lips in a deep kiss. 

I had no idea what was going on, but I knew we had to get this guy away. I stepped forward without hesitation, pulled Setsuna away from Michiru, tilted her backwards and kissed her passionately. I opened one eye and took a look at the man's face. Absolutely priceless. 

The man turned tail and ran from us, revolted - or else very turned on. Either way, he knew he couldn't handle us. 

I still had Setsuna in my arms, who had gone rather limp. I was impressed. She hadn't even flinched. She did look up at me and said rather breathlessly, 'You two have a very avant-garde way of getting a point across!' 

~*~

Now that I knew the whole story, and I actually knew _why_ I had kissed Setsuna, I was pretty livid at the whole situation. "I should have just found a way to drive you! This wouldn't have happened if I had been nicer."

Setsuna shrugged. "I've taken the subway before. Everyone has. It's only once in awhile you end up with a freak."

Michiru nodded. "She's right. We didn't know what to do at first, but then we took care of it, Haruka."

I grinned. "You sure did. And you -" I pointed at Setsuna. "You liked it, admit it!"

She raised an eyebrow. "I'm straight, remember?"

"Damn." I laughed. "And here I thought we had a good thing going." 

*~*~*~*

__

Yeah, public transportation pretty much sucks. lol And the sad thing is, parts of this are based on personal experience! Anyway…

Next time: With any luck, Setsuna's birthday special! In hopes of entertaining Setsuna, Haruka picks the one thing that is the least enjoyable for the birthday girl.

~Lady Grizabella

setsuna_haruka_michiru@yahoo.com

http://www.angelfire.com/mi3/ladygrizdrawings/sailor_moon.html


	12. October 29th! Haruka And Michiru Try To ...

__

Note: I'm bumping the rating of this story to PG-13, I think. This chapter is a tad risqué, and the next one will be too, so I just wanted to give warning that the rating is higher, at least for the next couple of chapters. Hey, it's all Haruka's fault for thinking and doing naughty things!! 

Haruka: Thanks so much. -_-;

*~*~*~*

October 29th! Haruka And Michiru Try To Entertain Setsuna

*~*~*~*

Michiru was studying the calendar one chilly day in late October. "Haruka, do you know what day is coming up soon?" 

My blood froze. "It's not our anniversary yet, is it? Is it today? Did I miss it somehow?"

Michiru raised an eyebrow. "No, it's not our anniversary, even though you really should know that."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"It's Setsuna's birthday."

"Oh! So it is!" I smiled. "That's fun."

Michiru pressed her hands together and sighed wistfully. "Our little girl is turning…"

"Twenty?" I guessed.

"Two Thousand?"

"Two Million?" 

Michiru shrugged. "She's turning something."

"Let's just say she's turning twenty-one. Then we can take her out for a drink, just like Americans do when their kids turn twenty-one."

"We have to do something special for her twenty-first birthday," Michiru agreed. "Let's just hope it's better than what we did for ours." 

"I don't remember my birthday. Did I even have a twenty-first birthday?" I wrinkled my forehead.

Michiru smiled. "You were in the hospital after a racing crash. You were out cold for most of it." 

"Oh."

"Setsuna and Hotaru put a party hat on your head, but that was the closest we came to celebrating."

"What did we do for your birthday?"

"We went out with my parents, remember?"

I shivered. "Oh yes. How could I forget that?" An evening with the perfect Kaioh parents was always a humbling experience. Setsuna and I hung out in the restroom for a lot of our dinner. "Well, we're going to make her birthday special this year. She finally has a family to help her celebrate, so we have to do something with a bang." I clapped my hands together. "Let me plan it! I know the perfect thing to do for a girl's twenty-first birthday. Something sexy and fun."

Michiru hesitated. "I don't know if she's going to like sexy very much. I can't picture Setsuna as the type."

"Just leave it to me! She'll love it!" I pranced off in search of a phonebook, while Michiru tried to find a recipe to make a cake.

~*~

"Where exactly are we going?" Setsuna was standing on Michiru's vanity chair, reluctantly being outfitted for her big night. (Michiru loved to dress people up, even against their will.) "Where is Haruka taking us? We really don't have to do this. I've been twenty-oneish for milleniums." 

"I don't know where we're going, but we want to be dressed appropriately." Michiru pulled a rather modest red dress over Setsuna's head. It came to her knees and poofed out slightly. It was fancy, and the kind of dress you would wear to a nice dinner. "There, that's beautiful!"

Setsuna looked at herself critically in the mirror. "Isn't Hotaru coming with us?"

Michiru motioned for Setsuna to kneel down so she could brush her hair and pull it back in barrettes rather than it's usual bun. "Haruka says this isn't an outing for Hotaru. We're all going to go to the movies tomorrow so she can celebrate with us." 

"I see…I think."

I chose this moment to stop lurking around the doorway, and entered the bedroom to put in my two cents. "She looks beautiful, but I'm not sure if that outfit is quite appropriate for where we're going."

"Haruka, just tell us what we're doing. We can't get dressed if we don't know!" Michiru picked through her closet.

"Here Setsuna, put this on." I held up a very short red Chinese-style dress that was made out of a shiny plastic substance, and Setsuna's gothic combat boots.

Setsuna gawked at the dress. "I don't want to."

"You'll want to wear this, trust me."

Michiru looked just as freaked. "What will _I_ wear?" 

"What you have on is fine. Suna's the birthday girl, so we have to dress her up. This evening is for her." At this point, I left the room so they could stew over the sexy red dress.

~*~

I covered up Setsuna's eyes with my hands and walked her from the car towards our destination. "I don't like this," she complained, holding her arms out in front of her.

Michiru shook her head when she realized where we were headed. "Oh, Haruka, I don't know. She may not enjoy this."

"What? What's going on?!" Setsuna practically yelled.

"Of course she will! She's a girl, isn't she?"

"What?!"

I opened the door to the building and made Setsuna stand there with my hands still over her eyes while Michiru handed over money to get in. Setsuna tried to pull away from me, but I kept my hands firmly over her eyes. "What's that music? Who's cheering and screaming? What's going on?"

"You'll see," I said.

Michiru took Setsuna's arm and we led her towards the thumping music and female screams.

"I know," Setsuna said sarcastically. "You've brought me to the pits of hell for my birthday."

"Pretty much."

"Michiru!" I waited for the perfect moment before whipping my hands away from Setsuna's eyes. "Voila!"

Setsuna was face to face with a man dancing on a stage. She stared in shock for about two seconds before screaming, jumping at me, and hiding behind me. "Haruka, that man is naked!"

I crossed my arms. "Yes. Yes, he certainly is."

"_Why_ is he naked?" Setsuna demanded.

"Good question." Michiru watched with little enthusiasm.

"He's naked just for you." I pulled Setsuna out from behind me and pushed her into a chair. She sat, staring, with her mouth open. Michiru and I looked at each other and sat on either side of her. "So what do you think?"

"He looks like Mamoru," said Setsuna, staring at his general groin area.

"Ew!" said Michiru.

"How do you know that?!" I howled. Setsuna + Mamoru = UGH!!

"I'm the Guardian of Time. I know everything," she said smugly.

"I'm surprised Mamoru is that big."

"Michiru!" I gasped.

The guy on the stage danced over towards our table. Setsuna cowered and Michiru started to giggle nervously before waving a waiter over to order a drink. I looked up at the guy with a grin on my face. "Setsuna, give him some money."

"No way!" she said.

The guy swiveled his hips and winked at me. I looked at Setsuna who pressed herself against the back of her chair, and Michiru who was downing a shot held by some shirtless, muscular man, and then back at the stripper. "Meee?"

The guy smiled and nodded. 

"Er…" I wasn't sure what to do. Sorry, buddy, but I'm a lesbian. I watched a girl nearby me put a bill between her teeth, so I did the same. I stretched my neck out and the guy took the money with his teeth. Then he gave me a small kiss. Once he had gone back to dancing, I looked at the giggling Setsuna and wiped my mouth with my hand. "Yuck."

"That was great, Ruka! I wish I had a picture of that!"

"I'll bet you do." I slumped back into my seat and ogled the other girls, most of who wore skimpy clothes. 

Michiru smacked the table. " 'Sex on the Beach' here!"

The girl next to me had a thong sticking out the back of her jeans. I nudged Setsuna. "This isn't so bad."

~*~

I had my chin resting in my hand. "This is pretty bad."

Setsuna yawned. "Maybe I like girls."

"Don't tease." I looked at Michiru who had little neon shot capsules lying around her. "At least _she's_ happy."

"Take if off!" yelled Michiru.

"It's off," I informed her.

"I'm ready for him to do something exciting," said Setsuna, sipping her drink and gesturing to the man on the stage.

I had been waiting for her drink to kick in in hopes she would enjoy herself, but I was reaching my fill of naked men. "Are you drunk yet?"

Setsuna swirled her drink with her straw. "Nope."

I looked at the girl with the thong once more. "I have a better idea. Grab one of Smiley's arms and let's go."

"Goodbye naked men!" hollered Michiru as we pulled her towards the exit.

~*~

"Yeah, that's more like it!" I yelled, waving a bill around in the air. 

Stripper Bambie stood in front of Setsuna and bounced her bosom at her. Setsuna shook her head. "I don't think I like girls either."

"I do," I said, waving the bill. Bambie pranced over and ran her fingers through my hair. "It's a good thing she's asleep." I gestured at Michiru, who was passed out practically on Setsuna. "I'm surprised you're letting her lean on you like that."

"She seems comfy…" Setsuna was suddenly hit in the back of the head with a random bare breast. "…Which is more than can be said for me."

I tisked at the fact that _I_ hadn't been smacked with a breast yet. "Some girls have all the luck." 

Michiru lifted her head, raised one finger, muttered, "Sex…Beach," and promptly passed out again.

I sighed. "I think it might be time to go home."

~*~

After I carried Michiru into the house and put her into bed, I went to find Setsuna. I cracked open her door to find her reading on her bed, so I went in, singing softly. "Happy Birthday to you…Happy Birthday to you…"

Setsuna looked up to find me carrying a small cake, simply packed with lit candles. "Ruka?"

"Happy Birthday Dear Setsie, Happy Birthday to you!" I wasn't the best singer, but I managed to squeak out the song.

"Oh…Haruka…" Her face shone in the candlelight, her eyes alight with a smile. "It's beautiful!"

I sat across from her and placed the cake before her. "Make a wish."

She thought for a moment before she leaned forward and blew out every candle. She had a good set of lungs for being almost as old as Time.

"What did you wish for?" I asked.

She grinned at me. "Can't tell. It won't come true."

"Bah. I don't really believe in that. What did you wish for?"

She gazed at me. "Promise you won't laugh?"

"I promise."

She smiled. "I wish that we three will always be together and that I won't have to be alone anymore."

I smiled. That was brave to say, coming from someone who never talked much about her lonely past. "Come here." I reached for her and hugged her close. "Michiru and I will never leave you."

She snuggled into my arms. "I'm glad." She paused for a moment before adding, "I also wished that you would never take me to another strip club."

I burst out laughing. "Okay, it's a deal. What do you say we go cut this cake?"

Setsuna and I headed towards the kitchen just in time to hear Michiru yell from the bedroom, "Sex on the Beach!"

Yes…I think we were _all_ done with strip clubs….

*~*~*~*

In case you didn't guess, "Sex On The Beach" is a drink, and it actually tastes pretty dang good. I've had it in shot form in a little neon cylinder. Yummy, but expensive! 

An accompanying illustration: http://www.angelfire.com/art2/prettybetsikes/images/setsunas_birthday.jpg

Warning: There _is_ a bare butt in the drawing. 

Coming Up: After a misunderstanding, Haruka sets out to prove that she's not a pervert. These chapters seem to be taking an interesting turn. It must be the changing of the weather. lol

~Lady Grizabella

setsuna_haruka_michiru@yahoo.com

http://www.angelfire.com/mi3/ladygrizdrawings/sailor_moon.html


	13. A Thunk On The Head! Pluto In A Cage

A Thunk On The Head! Pluto In A Cage

*~*~*~*

I pressed my nose to the window glass and stared out across the front lawn. "It's snowing!" I pushed my hands against the cold window and let my nose flatten even more. I giggled gleefully. 

"You look like an adorable little five-year-old," noted Michiru.

I shot her a look. I was excited about playing in the snow, but still… On the other hand, it was also freezing, so the snow had its downside too. Setsuna, for example, was in a wretched mood. She had awakened in a very frigid state, demanded that Michiru dig out the electric blankets, and had promptly stomped off to the Time Gates, shivering in her Sailor suit. There was to be no Pluto Dance Party, as Setsuna had hollered, "And you'd better not follow me!" Then with a string of uncharacteristic profanity, she was gone.

Not long after, Michiru and I were cuddled up on the couch to watch a movie. "We haven't watched a movie together in a long time. It'll be so romantic!" Michiru hugged my arm happily.

I frowned. "Yes, but does it have to be _Sleepless In Seattle_? I wanted to watch _Days Of Thunder_." 

"No way! I am _not_ watching that again!" 

"Hey, it was romantic."

"You were too busy drooling over the racecars to even notice Nicole Kidman."

Suddenly the television fuzzed up and pink light blasted forth from it. I jumped. "Whoa, what the heck?!"

"Eeek, kill it!" hollered Michiru.

The image of Neo-Queen Serenity materialized on the screen and gave us both a look. She seemed to be a bit stressed. "What are you two staring at?"

Michiru and I looked at each other. "You're in our television," I pointed out.

"How can you do that?" asked Michiru

Serenity shrugged. "It's a perk. Look, I'm here to let you know that Sailor Pluto's had a bit of an accident, and I need the two of you to sort her out."

"What?" cried Michiru. "Is she okay?"

"Oh, she's perfectly fine – except for the amnesia."

"Huh?" was my intelligent reply. 

"But you had really better go get her fast. With my Guardian of Time out of commission, the timeline is in danger."

"How did she get amnesia?" I demanded.

"Your Majesty…" Michiru added politely.

"I had her lifting some boxes onto a shelf and one fell, clipping her on the head. She'll be fine." Serenity looked a bit harried, but I was livid.

"Why did you have her doing that?! Have you looked at her? She's _tiny_!" You would think Usagi would have gotten over her laziness as the years passed.

Serenity bristled. "Look, I'm sorry, but I just wasn't thinking clearly. If you were me, you'd be stressed too! CHIBI-USA! NO! BAD CHIBI!" Serenity's face faded out.

I looked at Michiru and crossed my arms. "Well, we really have _so_ much to go on." 

"At least she took the time out of her busy day to let us know."

"But I'm really worried about Setsuna," I said. "We'd better go get her and bring her home." I reached for my transformation pen, but Michiru stopped me. 

"Wait, I'm not so sure we can do that. If she doesn't know who we are it might freak her out."

"Better than having her wandering around blindly. She'll get lost! Time is huge!"

"You're right." We both transformed quickly. "But how will we get to the Gates? We usually go to Pluto's Dance Party with her."

I winked. "Watch this." I threw one hand into the air. "I call upon the power of time and space on behalf of Uranus! Garnet Orb, I choose you!!"

Neptune smirked (probably at my choice of words) until the ceiling opened up and Setsuna's Time Staff dropped into my outstretched hand. She gasped. "How do you learn how to do all this fun stuff?"

"The Garnet Orb and I have had a very special relationship ever since I was Sailor Pluto a few months ago." I grabbed Neptune's hand and we disappeared in a flash of garnet light. 

~*~

We arrived at the Time Gates and pushed through the mists. "Geeze, this mist is kooky. I'm always expecting Pluto to try to take our heads off, thinking we're intruders. So where is she?"

Neptune pointed. "There! Over there."

We came upon Pluto, who was wandering around the Time Gate, admiring the architecture with a dazed look on her face. She turned to look at us and her eyes immediately narrowed. "Who are you?"

"It's us, honey," said Neptune. "Uranus and Neptune."

She glared and nodded towards me. "What are you? A boy in a dress?"

I poofed out air. "I'll forgive you, as you've had an accident. But you have to come with us now."

Her eyes widened. "Why should I? I don't even know you people! Who are you, and why are we all wearing these skimpy outfits? Where am I? There was some kind of silver stick with a red ball on top, but it disappeared." The Time Staff, I assumed. She continued, "What is going on here? Why are you walking towards me?" 

"Just come with us, Pluto," I said.

"No way! Stay away from me, you freaky boy-girl!" She turned and ran for the Time Gate. She managed to get her hand on the doorknob before I grabbed her around the chest.

"Neptune! Grab her arms so you won't be kicked!" I bodily lifted the screaming Pluto off her feet and thrust her towards Neptune who managed to get her under the arms, while I gathered up her feet. "Believe me, Pluto, this is for your own good! If you go through that door, you'll regret it!"

"Help!" Pluto screamed, trying to pummel Neptune. "Kidnappers! Rapists! Thugs! Put me down!!"

"Garnet Orb! Get her out of here!" I called. Just as Pluto's vicious black boot caught me in the chin, we disappeared into thin air.

~*~

While Neptune got on the kitchen phone to the other girls to ask for help (or to chew out Usagi for her future self), I tried to keep the hysterical Pluto under control. I was on the floor with her, struggling to keep her still, but she simply refused to stop wiggling. I finally had to resort to pinning her down and lying on her with all my weight. "Help! Crazy lesbian!" hollered Pluto. 

"I'm going to clonk you on the head again!" I vowed. I finally came up with a good idea.

~*~

Michiru, detransformed, walked into the living room again. "Okay, the other girls think maybe they can help. Rei can – HARUKA!"

I shrugged cheekily. "Well it worked, didn't it?" I had managed to shove Pluto into a rather large dog cage that dated back to my childhood pet.

Locked in the cage, Pluto sat hunched over, gripping the bars, scowling heavily. "What did I ever do to you?"

Michiru shook her head. "We have to let her out of there."

"No way! She'll kill us. I mean, look at her eyes. They're _red_!"

"They're _always_ red." But Michiru relented, seeing as how Pluto was now imbalanced. As we shoved a blanket through the bars to keep her warm in her sailor suit and dragged her out to the car in the cage, Michiru asked, "Is she always this mean-spirited, or it just the amnesia?"

I huffed as we lifted the cage and dumped it into the backseat. "Nah, I figure she's always like this. She just doesn't remember she's supposed to be keeping it in check."

~*~

We arrived at Rei's temple and pulled Pluto's cage into the room that held the sacred fire. The other girls were already there and they stared at us. Pluto gnashed her teeth at them through the bars. Minako trembled. "Is that Pluto, or a rabid dog?" she asked.

"She's a little pissed right now," I explained. 

Ami was horrified. "Why is she still in her sailor suit? She must be freezing!" 

"She doesn't remember how to detransform, and we couldn't hold her down long enough to strip her suit off. You want to try it?"

I smacked the top of the dog cage and Pluto growled. "Stop that!"

"Don't make her more upset, Haruka!" Michiru gave me a reprimanding look. "So, can you help us, Rei?"

"I think so." Rei kneeled down in front of the fire. "Roll the cage over here."

I shoved it over and Pluto started to panic. "What are you doing? Stop that! I'm a person, not a beast! Open the door! I swear, I'll -"

"Evil Spirits, Disperse!" Rei yelled and slapped one of her charms on Pluto's forehead through the bars. Pluto's eyes went wide, she choked, and then went limp. "Okay, Haruka, I think it should be safe to take her out of the cage now."

I reluctantly unfastened the lock and opened the door. I pulled Pluto's limp body out of the cage and grumbled, "It's a good thing I love you so much, or I wouldn't put up with you!" I did, however, tenderly brush a strand of hair away from her eyes. "Go ahead, Rei."

Rei positioned Pluto right in front of the fire, and kneeled over her. She started to chant and beads of sweat appeared on her forehead from the effort. Pluto lay there like a brick. I couldn't see how this was going to work. Eventually, Rei opened her eyes. "Okay, lets see if that did anything." She lifted up a corner of the charm on Pluto's forehead and her eyes fluttered open. "Who are you?" Rei asked her.

"I'm…" Pluto's eyes drifted out the window and focused on Chibi-Usa, who was running around like a demon outside in the dark, harassing Hotaru with snowballs. "I'm…Chibi-Usa?" She looked at Usagi, eyes suddenly brimming with tears. "Mommy?"

Usagi shook her head. "Oh, no! No way! I couldn't put up with two of them…although Setsuna would be oddly preferable."

"Dang!" Rei pushed the charm down again and Pluto passed out. "We'll just try again, shall we?" She started to chant wildly.

An hour later, Pluto had been a china teapot, a kitty cat, the planet Neptune (Michiru had been flattered), and most horrifically, a Backstreet Boys-singing Mamoru. Rei was starting to loose faith. "This one's too stubborn! If the chanting won't help her, then I don't know what will! Stubborn!"

I sighed. "Maybe we should just take her on home. Having another china teapot wouldn't be such a bad thing, would it?"

"You are _not_ funny," Michiru said dryly.

Pluto's eyes were suddenly open and she was on her feet, tearing off the charm. "I don't know who you people are, but you're all going to pay!"

"No! The time's run out!" called Rei.

"I'll teach you all to abduct me and then perform insane experiments on me!" Pluto reflexively reached her hand into the air and her Time Staff appeared in her grasp. She blinked, momentarily surprised, before she noticed us advancing on her. 

"Pluto, look-" I started.

"Ahh, the boy-girl!" She started to swing the staff at me like a baseball bat.

I dodged wildly, trying to pull my transformation pen out of my pocket at the same time. "Geeze, you're violent!"

"I need more wood!" hollered Rei. "I'll build up the fire and try again!"

Pluto had really had it with us. She started to spin the staff over her head. "DIE, KIDNAPPERS!!" We were all diving out of the way like maniacs.

"I'll get wood!" yelled Minako.

"Me too!" added Usagi, and she dove for the woodpile.

Somehow in the struggle that ensued, Pluto managed to get her hand around Michiru's wrist. Michiru tried to pull away. "Setsuna, honey-"

Pluto raised her staff to strike Michiru.

"Suna, NO!" I dove towards them.

"Here, Rei!" Usagi and Minako both made a run for the fire and promptly crashed into each other. Minako held onto her wood, but the log Usagi was holding went flying from her arms. Just as Pluto started to bring the staff down over the flinching Michiru and I was about to grab Pluto by the butt-bow, the large log of wood smashed into Pluto's head. Michiru screamed.

As if in slow motion, Pluto blinked and went very stiff. The staff fell her from rigid fingers and clattered to the floor. Just as blood started to run down her forehead, her sailor uniform melted away. She looked up at Michiru and walked towards her in a dazed manner, tears of pain and shock flowing freely. "Michi…I don't feel so good."

"Oh…my poor girl," said Michiru. She wrapped Setsuna in her arms, while I pulled out a hankie and pressed it to Setsuna's head.

I looked at the other girls, who were gawking at us, Usagi sniffling at having smacked Setsuna in the head. I tried to comfort her. "It's okay, Usagi. It's just been a very long day."

Setsuna clung to Michiru and asked through her tears, "Can I have a Happy Meal?"

"Of course. Anything you want," said Michiru.

I carefully extracted Setsuna from Michiru, wrapped the blanket firmly around her, and lifted her into my arms. I held her close to my chest and bowed my head quickly at the others. "Well, thank you for your help! We're off to the hospital!"

~*~

Later that night, Michiru and Setsuna watched _Sleepless In Seattle_ together, Setsuna bundled up in warm, comfy sweatclothes and slippers. She had a large bandage on her head from our trip to the hospital, and some slight dizziness, but otherwise she seemed quite content as she chomped on her Happy Meal and messed with the accompanying toy – a Hotwheels car I couldn't wait to get my hands on as soon as she konked out from chick-flick boredom. Otherwise, there wasn't much to show that anything had happened. The doctor hadn't even had to cut any of Setsuna's wild mass of hair. The whole incident might have been forgotten if I hadn't taken the opportunity to shove the dog cage though the living room on the way to the storage closet. 

Setsuna stopped munching, looked at the cage suspiciously, and then looked at me. "What's that for?"

I froze. "I…um…er…how much of tonight do you remember?"

Setsuna rose. "Come here, Haruka…"

Not five minutes later, Setsuna was back on the couch, cuddled up with Michiru, and I was in the cage. Michiru looked at me from time to time. "Well, dear, it's one way to get you to watch _Sleepless In Seattle_…" 

*~*~*~*

__

Well, as you can see, this isn't the episode I said was coming up last time, but this came to me in a flash and I had to write about it. I still plan on doing the last one, though. Not much to say except thanks for reading, and see you next time!

~Lady Grizabella

setsuna_haruka_michiru@yahoo.com

http://www.angelfire.com/mi3/ladygrizdrawings/sailor_moon.html


	14. Shiny Pants! Haruka Is Hentai

Shiny Pants?! Haruka Is Hentai 

~*~*~*~ 

_Hey all! I wanted to give this chapter about a PG-15 or 16 rating, do to some of the stuff Haruka encounters. But then again, the title kind of gave you a hint, huh? Enjoy!_

__

~*~*~*~ 

The weather had grown cold and I had developed Cabin Fever. Michiru had been cranky, so I was keeping my distance. I headed into the living room, which happened to be blazing warm do to a little space heater that was blasting out heat. "You people are going to burn the house down!" I remarked. I then noticed that Setsuna was face down on the couch, fast asleep. "Oh." Still, not wanting to run up the electric bill to ungodly amounts, I flipped off the heater and prepared to drape a blanket over Setsuna. That's when her pants caught my eye. 

She was wearing a pair of plastic pants, not unlike the sleazy red dress I had made her wear for her birthday, but these were bright purple. I was dazzled. "Wow." I dropped the blanket and put one hand on her leg. I had never really taken the time to feel clothing made out of plastic. The aforementioned red dress had been a gift from a distant family member. Completely not my style of clothing. But Setsuna had apparently liked it, as these wonderful pants had shown up. 

I let my hand travel down her leg and back up again. I _really_ liked these pants! I couldn't take my hand away. Without thinking, I slid my hand up until it was resting on Setsuna's butt. Mmm...curvey plastic-covered bum... 

"HARUKA!" 

I winced and closed my eyes. Princess Michiru had awoken. 

She stood over me, hands on her hips. I swear, she was ten feet tall and had horns. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" 

I shrugged. "Nothing!" I suddenly remembered my hand. "Oh...crap." 

"Pervert!" she hollered, wrapping her arms around Setsuna's legs and giving a great yank. 

Setsuna went flying off the couch like a shot and landed with a thunk. "What the hell?"she howled, jolted awake. 

Michiru gathered Setsuna, who was all thrashing arms and legs, into her lap and she rocked her back and forth. "Don't worry, sweetheart! I won't let Hentai Haruka bother you anymore!" 

"What planets are you people _from_?!" Setsuna yelled. 

I jumped around helplessly. "I'm not a pervert! It was the pants, I swear! The PANTS!" 

Michiru regarded me as if I were five years old, but kept a firm arm around poor 'molested' Setsuna. "Tell you what. I want you to leave. When you can prove that you're not a pervert, you can come back and live with us." 

"But Michi-" 

She widened her eyes. "Go." 

I obeyed. 

"Don't leave me alone with her!" Setsuna cried just as I shut the door. 

~*~ 

I walked down the streets of downtown Tokyo, feeling bleak and cold. It was the middle of winter - not a good time to get kicked out of the house. I would have to sleep in my car. I sighed and balled my fists. "Well, when the going gets tough, the tough gets...hypothermia?" Minako moment. "At any rate, I'm going to prove to Michiru that I'm not a pervert and get my rightful place in the house back!" I closed my eyes and threw my fist in the air in a victory celebration. "YES!!" I opened my eyes again to realize fifty people were staring at me. I slunk off into the sunset. 

~*~ 

After picking up a small video camera at the store, I went to the park to start my video journey. "I'll tape everything that happens for a whole evening, so Michiru will see that I can exist in society without being a pervert. She'll be sure to let me back in the house, then." Okay, so the idea was dumb, but Michiru in her rage hadn't given me any clues as to how to _prove_ my pervert status. This was all I could think of. 

I inserted the tape and hit record. "Behold, the park. Nothing going on here. Haruka - innocent. Haruka and Setsuna - innocent misunderstanding." I panned around the darkening landscape. 

"Haruka?" 

I jerked my head up to find a girl in front of me. She was wearing a mini skirt and a winter coat, but the coat was unbuttoned to reveal a _very_ skintight shirt and lots of cleavage. The camera and I gawked at her. "Yes?" I managed to stutter. 

"Haruka Tenoh?" The girl batted her eyelashes. 

"That's me." I grinned, forgetting momentarily about the piece of video equipment in my hand. 

"Wow, I can't believe it's you! You're so cute!" She leaned forward and whispered seductively, "Can you have your autograph?" 

Yikes. I suddenly had a mental picture of Michiru's face. And it wasn't pretty. "Er...I would normally love to sign an autograph, but it's really not the best time, you see. I have this..." 

The girl kept leaning closer and closer to me. Teenagers today! "I...I'm..." She planted her lips on mine. I froze for a moment and then bolted, clutching the camera. 

~*~ 

I tried to catch my breath in a side street. I suddenly remembered that it was all on tape. I let my head fall against the side of a building. "Oh no! Great! Just great! The whole thing's on tape and I'm supposed to show this to Michi tonight. Well, that's not happening." I started to mess with the tape to rewind it and tape over it, when I heard hoof beats. "What the-?" 

"There he is! Catch him!" I turned to see a wild pack of girls running down the street towards me, knocking innocent bystanders out of their way. They were all wearing my honorary Tenoh racing jacket, the kind the fan clubs loved to give out. One was holding a sign on a stake that read 'The Tenoh-ites'. My jaw dropped. "Oh my God..." 

"Haruka, we love you!" The girls pounded towards me. 

I took off, running for my life, literally. "Why is this happening to me?" I panted. "Why do things _always_ happen to me!" 

~*~ 

Trying desperately to escape the girls, I dodged into a nearby store. "Sanctuary!" I rasped. I then looked up and gasped, my blood running cold. "Oh no..." I looked to the right. "Ahh!" The left. "AHH!" 

I had stumbled into a shop that sold hentai movies. 

The guy behind the counter leered at me. "Need a recommendation, Mister?" He shoved a movie towards me across the counter top. 

"Gah! Keep it away from me!" I bolted for the door again as fast as my legs could carry me. 

The shopkeeper shrugged. "Girls must not be his thing." 

"Let me out!" I was in such a hurry to get out of there that I didn't notice the door had slammed behind me, catching both my jacket and shirt in it. I heard a tearing sound and then the miserable sensation of the buttons popping off my shirt as both my coat, and it, were torn off my body. I stood there, shocked, and cursing myself for not thinking to put a bra on that day. 

I closed my eyes against the laughter and screams from the people on the street. What in the world was so funny about public nudity?! 

"Pervert!" yelled one woman who was clutching the hand of a gawking child. 

"Get off the street, Hentai!" hollered another. 

The men said nothing disparaging, but did a fair amount of whistling and catcalling. 

Practically in tears of embarrassment and frustration, and freezing cold, I pulled my ripped shirt and coat out of the door, put them on, and held them closed in the front the best I could. I pushed my way through the crowd of people, just wanting to crawl into the earth. 

~*~ 

After I made my way away from the crowd, I addressed the video camera. "I swear Michi, these are all completely isolated events! They have absolutely nothing to do with me! On a normal day, rabid packs of girls do NOT chase me, I do NOT go to naughty video stores, and my clothes are NOT torn off in front of little children. This is the most crazy day of my life. But I swear to you, sweetheart, darling, apple of my eye, I am not a pervert!" 

I felt a presence behind me, and turned around to find a man there. He was wearing a trench coat. I shook my head. "Oh...please don't..." 

The man opened up his coat and flashed me. I just shook my head and trudged away. 

~*~ 

I stood in front of our front door, head hung low. "It's true. I _am_ a pervert. All of this proves it. I am the most perverted hentai girl in all of Japan - no! The world. I may as well go in and admit it to Michiru. She'll know it anyway when she gets her hands on the tape. Maybe she can figure out how to turn it off." 

I opened the door and headed on in. "Michiru? I've come back, and I admit it. I _am_ a perver-" 

Setsuna was asleep on the couch again, and there was Michiru, her hand idly rubbing Setsuna's butt. She looked at me and grinned. "You're right, Haruka. These really _are_ great pants....." 

~*~*~*~ 

_How about that for crazy and kooky? So this is one of the sillier ones. Oh well, it was fun to write once I got rid of my horrible writer's block. As for next time...not a clue as of yet. I also missed Haruka's birthday. Poo. Maybe I'll get something done for Valentines Day. We'll have to see. Thanks for reading!_

__

_~Lady Grizabella_

_setsuna_haruka_michiru@yahoo.com_

_http://www.angelfire.com/mi3/ladygrizdrawings/sailor_moon.html_


	15. A Tantrum! Haruka Has A Doppelganger

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Hi all! Before we start, I wanted to give what I affectionately call "The Hotaru Lecture". No, really, it's okay. Come back! It shouldn't be that painful. Since I've had a lot of requests for more Hotaru, I wanted to let everyone know why she isn't in this fic very much. I do try to put her in where it works, and I will give her cameos (she was supposed to have another big one, as those who have been following my art will know, but it's currently unfinished). But for the most part, this fic is about Haruka, Setsuna, and Michiru. Now for the reasoning behind it: 

1. This fic is anime based for the most part, although some manga elements may show up. But for the most part, it follows the anime plot. I'm more fond of the manga (since I HATED the Galaxia anime battle for obvious reasons - It's lucky I don't hate Uranus and Neptune completely after seeing that), but in this particular fic…anime. Therefore, Hotaru's dad is alive. I know she lived with the Outers in the anime for a short time, but I think her father would have missed her. It just seems to me that she would have gone to live with him once the battle was over. Therefore, Hotaru is not Haruka and Michiru's adopted daughter in this fic. She lives with her father who loved her so much in the S season. She's not an orphan like she was in the manga. Just as a side note, I'm under the impression that she's more *Setsuna's* adopted daughter, rather than Haruka and Michiru's, as they're always together in the manga. Haruka and Michiru get enough attention. :) But I guess I'm off the issue here. 

2. There are lots of other fanfictions that feature just Hotaru, or Hotaru with Haruka and Michiru, or Hotaru with the three older Outers as a family. I wanted to write a fanfiction that featured just the three older Outers as a family, as I've never seen it done. I was going for some originality. I do have three other stories where Hotaru plays a big role. This just isn't one of them. In "Love And Death", there is a sweet Hotaru and Setsuna moment. In "Pluto On The Outside," Hotaru plays a large role, and in "Firefly In The Elysian Fields", she's the main character! So if you're looking for a good dose of Hotaru, you can always go to those fics, and still enjoy this one for what it is. And those are just my fics. I'm sure there must be a lot of Hotaru fics out there.

And actually, Hotaru is in this episode, so thanks for staying through "The Hotaru Lecture"!

All that said, I'm SO glad everyone is enjoying this fanfiction, even despite the lack of the senshi of death. I'm really enjoying writing it! I hope I can keep writing many adventures more for our heroine Haruka and her girls. 

Thanks for reading, and on with the show!

**********

A Tantrum! Haruka Has A Doppelganger

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Pluto is said to be the oldest senshi, at about twenty-one. At least she is in terms of total years lived. Michiru and I just turned twenty-two, but Setsuna still outweighs us in lives lived and maturity. 

"_I HATE EVERYTHING!!!!"_

Did I say maturity? 

~*~

Setsuna had a bad day. Actually…she had a tantrum. I know what you're thinking: Sailor Pluto? A tantrum? Apparently you haven't actually _met_ her. 

We're not talking a bit upset, either. She's not fun to live with when she's on her time of the month, and recently she shoved me in a cage, but this was an all-out blowout. 

Setsuna had been doing quite well. She was the only one of us who had finally managed to secure a job. She always was better at that, for as much as she hated it. Since she had been battling social anxiety, she was only working a couple of nights a week at the local college as a receptionist. She had also signed up for three computer classes, as she seemed to be good at them. But for as proud as we were of her, things started to go downhill. First, she started to quit her classes one by one, and then she felt stupid at her job a couple of nights, and we couldn't muster up enough money to go to Florida in America for her winter break from school. She still had the Time Gate to guard, and an exam looming ahead of her in her one remaining class. It was freezing cold and snowy outside. Basically, everything that could have possibly made her miserable was doing a good job of it. 

She came home one night after work, mad about something. Someone had been cranky, or something to that effect. The girl just did not like people that much, and it hurt her feelings when people were jerks. You'd be amazed at just how sensitive Setsuna turned out to be, once we finally managed to break through all that ice.

Setsuna stormed around the kitchen, trying to make herself something to eat, and she kept bumping into things and knocking stuff off the counters, her hands were shaking so badly. Michiru was in with her, trying to calm her, but after Setsuna screamed at her she decided to give the upset Time God some space. Setsuna finally stopped what she was doing, fell to the floor, and started screaming like a banshee. 

I wasn't sure whether to comfort her or sell tickets. It was really a moment that was meant for videotape just to get people to believe it. 

Setsuna finally managed to get up to make a run for her bedroom. She slung open the door and then slammed it behind her, as we all so loved to do in our house. Then came a bloodcurdling scream.

"Ugh!" I said, covering my ears.

Michiru had her hands over her mouth. "Oh…the poor thing." 

A big chunk of green-black hair was caught in the closed door. She had slammed it on her hair.

I winced. "Well, if she wasn't pissed already…" 

Michiru and I huddled together, watching Setsuna's door cautiously. I think I've mentioned that odd things happen when Setsuna is mad. "No increment weather…" whispered Michiru, her eyes scanning the space above her.

"No Kinmokuians falling though the ceiling…" I added. 

The chunk of hair suddenly fell limply from the door and landed on the floor in front of us. Michiru and I followed the loose hair with our eyes. "Uhhh…"

The distinct sound of snipping suddenly filled the air.

"NO! Her HAIR!" yelled Michiru, and dove at the door. Beautiful hair was very important to my lover.

Michiru fought to get in the door while I stood there dumbly, listening to the metallic sound of slicing scissors from the next room. "Well, it's just hair, Michi," I said, trying to be helpful. 

"But it's _Pluto's_!" she sobbed. "No one has hair like that!"

"I'll say. Downright cumbersome, if you ask me."

"You're not helping!" 

We heard the woosh of a time portal and the lock on the door gave way, just as Michiru had taken a running start to break the door down (yeah, right). Instead of hitting wood, she went flying through the open door and landed flat on her stomach, her skirt flying up around her waist. Once again, the audience takes advantage of public nudity for a few chuckles.

After Michiru pulled her skirt down again, we surveyed the damage. Setsuna's room was covered with thick dark hair. There were piles and piles of it. We were stunned. "She must have cut all of it off, and then some!" I remarked. 

Michiru was sobbing. "She's _bald_!" 

"Honestly, she's not bald." I planted my hands on my hips, wishing I hadn't said anything. "Think about it. The girl has a lot of hair. This is probably just a trim for her." 

Michiru started to push the hair around into little perfect piles. "I'll save every bit."

I sulked. "It's her own fault. She had a fit and butchered it. You'd think she was your lover or something." I narrowed my eyes. "You're not sleeping with Setsuna, are you?"

Michiru looked at me. "Goodness, no! But if your kid suddenly cut all of her hair off with no warning, hair that took two thousand years to grow, wouldn't you be sad?"

I shrugged. "Geeze, I don't know. I just hope she's okay out there. And that she doesn't look _too_ awful," I added to the side. 

Michiru started to pack up the hair in ziplock baggies while I headed out to the living room to read the paper and wait for Miss Over-Dramatic to get the sense to come back home. 

~*~

Some time later, I had started to doze off when my communicator beeped to life. I opened one eye and clicked the talk button. "Home of the Happy Outers. Go."

"Ruka?" Hotaru's pale face was in the view screen.

"Go ahead, kiddo. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine…but I saw something you may want to know about."

"What's that?"

"I saw a Sailor Soldier! One that I didn't recognize."

I sat up. "A new Solider? What did she look like?"

Hotaru shrugged. "It was really dark and she was in silhouette. But I swear, she looked just like you. You have a doppelganger!" 

"Huh? Where do you learn such big words?"

"Television." Hotaru appeared to be bouncing on her feet. "Do you want me to transform? We should really go and investigate! A new Soldier who looks just like you!"

I was momentarily unsure of what to do. "I guess so. If there's a new Soldier, we have to find out who she is and what she wants. What was she doing, Hotaru?"

"She was kicking some guy's butt in an alley. Chibi-Usa and I were walking by and we saw. He must have stolen a purse or something." Hotaru jumped around a little more, punching the air. "Bang! Zoom! Right in the kisser!"

"Right." I prepared to click off my communicator. "Oh, and Hotaru? If I can give you any advice as one of your stand-in moms, it's this: don't watch so much TV." I left the karate-chopping kid to go fill in Michiru.

~*~

At about nine o'clock that night, we, the Sailor Soldiers, were standing around in the park making a general spectacle of ourselves. Luckily, we were slowly coming on spring so it wasn't terribly cold that night, but we were still in snow up to the tops of our boots. Our suits were specially designed to be able to handle some cold, due to the little layer of heat they sent off. (What? You thought we were just being stoic whenever we fought in the snow? How else are you going to stand around in a skimpy sleeveless outfit and not freeze? What do you think this is? Anime?) But we still shivered slightly. Sailor Moon was snuggled up in a blanket with Tuxedo Mask, and Chibi-Moon was trying desperately to get under too. Saturn stood next to Neptune, holding her hand, excitedly scanning the tops of the nearby buildings, and Jupiter and Mercury were bent over her computer, doing who knows what. Mars was hopping around miserably in wet high-heels (the snow was too deep for them), and Venus was signing autographs for the crowd nearby. Bald Pluto was not expected to attend. We figured she had shut herself up at the Time Gate, so we hadn't bothered to call her. To spare her feelings, we had told the other girls that she was guarding the Gate and we would fill her in later.

"So why are we here exactly?" asked Mars, standing on one leg to better dump some snow out of her shoe.

Saturn spoke, as she (and Chibi-Moon) had carefully orchestrated this plan. "See all those people over there near Venus? They're all waiting for free samples at_ The Tasty Chestnut_. Chibi-Moon and I figured there's usually some thug trying to pick pockets in any large group, so we're hoping for the best."

"Can someone explain this to me in Japanese?" I asked.

"Give her a chance," chided Neptune.

Saturn shot me a death glare that made my knees weak. "What I'm trying to say is, we wait for someone's pocket to be picked and that should lure the new Soldier here to help." 

Everyone stared at her.

"Well that's what she was doing in the alley when I saw her the first time. Trust me! It'll work!" Saturn stomped her foot indignantly. 

There was a chorus of 'Awww…isn't widdle Hotaru cute? Look at her widdle pale cheeks!', but no one really believed the kids' plan would work. However, since we really didn't have anything else to do, or any further ideas, this was the best move at the present. 

Suddenly, a cry went up from the crowd. "Help! My wallet's been stolen!" 

I looked sharply at Saturn, who gave me an adorable smirk.

"_See_?" challenged Chibi-Moon. Why was it that every one of Saturn's plans always worked? The kid was just too important for her own good. 

In the next moment a silhouette sailed by us, Tarzan-style, hanging onto what appeared to be a downed powerline. Venus had to duck to avoid being plowed over. The mysterious Sailor extended one leg in a practiced Sailor Kick and knocked the retreating thief right in the head. He keeled over, out cold. Stilettoed. The crowd cheered the new Sailor. 

"That's her!" exclaimed Saturn, who immediately went into Kung Fu mode again. 

"She _does_ look like you, Uranus," noted Neptune.

I shook my head, staring at the new girl. "No…I recognize those boots, and that strong kick..." I rubbed my chin, remembering a certain kick I received, given by a certain ornery Sailor. "But how…?"

Mars folded her arms. "That's Pluto."

All attention was suddenly on Neptune, Saturn, and me. "Don't you even recognize Pluto when you see her?" asked Jupiter.

"That's not Pluto!" I insisted. "Yeah, her kick is very similar, but that girl looks exactly like me. _Exactly_." 

Saturn looked at the Inners as if they were all crazy. "Pluto has really, _really_ long hair, _remember_? Honestly!" Saturn was starting to take on that lofty Outer mentality.

Meanwhile, Neptune smacked her forehead. "Uranus! Pluto cut her hair off, remember?" 

Saturn gawked at me. "Why don't you people tell me these things?"

"And you're just remembering this?" Mars asked incredulously. 

"Watch it!" I growled. "I'll believe this when I see it. There's no way that girl can look that much like me and still be Pluto."

Venus suddenly galloped over. "She's coming this way!" she squealed.

The dark silhouette headed over towards us, dragging her powerline behind her. The sparks coming from the end of it lit up her face from time to time, a face that was nearly identical to mine. Same hair, same narrowed eyes, same solemn expression. 

She stopped several feet from us and looked at us. "What are you all staring at?"

I squinted. "Pluto?"

Neptune was hitting her head in frustration at forgetting that Pluto's hair was now gone. "Of course it's Pluto! Can't we just go home yet?" 

Mars lit a fire at the end of her fingers and held them up to shed some light on the situation. I gawked. The girl, who was obviously Pluto, looked just like me. I pointed at her like a dork. "How?"

She narrowed her – no, _my_ – eyes. "I cut my hair off. It's short now."

"But you look just like me!"

"It's true," agreed Saturn. "You look amazingly like Ruka."

Neptune took a good look at her. "That _is_ strange. If you dyed your hair blonde and colored your eyes blue, you would look just like her. To a tee. You have the exact same eyes, only they're a different color. Why have I never noticed this before?" 

"I don't want a doppelganger!" I whined. 

"It'll grow out again," Pluto said evenly. 

"I like it," said Jupiter.

"It's stylish," noted Mercury.

"It's so KAWAII!" Sailor Moon, Venus, and Chibi-Moon all cried at the same time.

Watching this, I could tell that the girls were all very much in love with Setsuna. I was being replaced in their hearts. I sniffled. "How fast does your hair grow?"

"Are you sure you're not related?" asked Neptune.

~*~

Later on at home, I lounged on the couch and watched Setsuna open the love notes that had been pouring under the door all night. I had to agree that the short hair was really very cute on her. Apparently, she had been so horrified at what she had done to her hair, she had rocketed right to a hairdresser in Crystal Tokyo. Then, at the urgings of future Sailor Uranus, they had fixed her hair to look just like mine, hoping to get a rise out of me. Damn future Uranus, messing with my present. But at any rate, it was also kind of flattering. 

Flattering, yes. Flattering until Michiru came into the room and pretended she couldn't tell us apart. "Oh, Haruka! Look how adorable you are!" She then hugged Setsuna tightly and started to kiss her cheeks. Setsuna kept a straight face, but you could tell she loved it.

"That'll be enough of that!" I stood up. "Do you think I could borrow the Garnet Orb?"

"How come?" asked Setsuna, who was still being hugged.

"Oh, I just know of a future Uranus who needs to be taught a lesson….."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

__

Another kind of silly one! This was written under the idea that really Haruka and Setsuna look amazingly alike. I figured, as Michiru noted, if Setsuna's hair was cut to look just like Haruka's, and their eyes were the same color, they would look exactly the same. I love that they have the same eyes, almost as if they were related somehow. But I guess we'll never know. ;)

There will be a drawing for this one eventually. I'll let you know in an upcoming installment.

Thanks a lot for reading! 

Next time: Attack of the Tenoh-ites! But what does Michiru have to do with all this? Find out next time (with any luck! At least it's already started!).

An accompanying illustration: 

(Copy, paste, and take out the spaces)

www.angelfire.com / art2 / haruka_loves_setsuna / images / uranus_pluto_hair.gif

__

It's just Uranus gawking at an irritated Pluto. 

~Lady Grizabella

setsuna_haruka_michiru@yahoo.com


	16. The Thunder Of Teenage Feet! Tenohites A...

The Thunder Of Teenage Feet! Tenoh-ites Attack

************************************************************************

Michiru has always been very grown-up. As a _baby_ she was fully-grown. Back in the Silver Millennium - or so I'm told – when Setsuna and I were playing with blocks and plastic keys, Michiru had an EZ Bake Oven and a little dinette set. When we got home from Kindergarten, we would run out to play, but Michiru would follow Queen Serenity around with a little feather duster, saying things like: 'Oh, you silly goose!' and 'Do be a dear and stop trying to kiss me, Haruka!' Who do you think made Setsuna all those care packages that made her so pudgy while she was at the Time Gates? 

"SHUT IT, HARUKA!"

Geeze, sorry Sets!

Anyway, Michiru has always been infinitely sensible and mature. Perfect, says Setsuna, especially when she's feeling _not_ so perfect. I guess I would have to agree. Michiru was perfect in every way, and never inclined to do anything even remotely out of the ordinary.

Right.

~*~

I came bursting through the door, sweating despite the fact it was only mid spring, hair completely disheveled. My shirt had fingerprints all over it and several buttons were undone. I had lipstick marks all over my cheeks. I was a mess.

Michiru had been sitting on the living room floor, messing with Setsuna's hair (which now brushed the nape of her neck in an even bob - yes, it had only been a couple of weeks since she cut it. It grew _fast_). They stopped what they were doing and looked at me curiously as I slammed the door and leaned against it. "They're after me again!" I howled. "Nearly caught me this time!"

"Who, dear?" asked Michiru, eyeing the lipstick.

"The Tenoh-ites!" I sputtered. "This group of girls who are obsessed with me. Remember them from the Pervert Video?" Setsuna watched that movie enough so that no one could forget my recent adventure anytime soon. It was her favorite tape.

"That mad pack of girls?" Michiru was floored.

Setsuna lay on her stomach, fiddling with a loose thread in the carpet. "Why do they call themselves that? The Tenoh-ites."

I scratched my head. "Geeze, I don't know. But they're vicious, every one of them."  
"What exactly do they do besides chase you?" Michiru wanted to know. She had a very thoughtful look on her face. 

I buttoned my shirt indignantly. "How would I know? I assume they must have some kind of lives."

Setsuna chewed on a stray piece of hair. "I don't know why they'd want to chase you anyway. You're far too ornery." 

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks, kiddo."

"What they need is something useful to do with their time. Chasing you is fine for awhile, but energy needs to be spent on something beneficial." Michiru stood up and brushed off her hands, heading towards the kitchen.

I obediently stood still while Setsuna tried to wipe the lipstick off my face with her thumb. "I guess I don't really understand why you care!" 

Michiru's head poked back out. "You're cranky tonight. Go to your room until you can behave." 

"But-!" I protested.

"Go."

"Arg. I give up." I gave Setsuna an affectionate squeeze and headed off to the bedroom. As I lay there waiting until I was ready to 'behave', I wondered just what made Michiru so interested in the Tenoh-ites anyway. I figured Michiru was far too mature to worry about what a group of teenagers had in mind for me. 

Right.

~*~

The next day, Michiru wasn't there when I awoke. Since I didn't have anything else to do, I decided to go the garage that always fixed my car and find out if they had any part-time work. I took Setsuna along with me and decided to make a day of it. The two of us hadn't had lunch together in a long time and I figured it would be fun. 

I drove along, breathing in the fresh spring air. "What do you say we order out and eat at the park?"

Setsuna eyed me. "Something bad always happens at the park. I still hate bees." 

"I figure that was an isolated incident. I'm sure nothing will chase us this time."

~*~

I was almost right. It was still too early for bees, but the teenagers were out in full force. There seemed to be one lurking behind every tree. Setsuna was cheerful and ate well, but I was pretty paranoid_. 'Maybe the park was a bad idea. It's downright evil, this park._' 

Setsuna had just disposed of our trash when she stopped and looked around. "I hear something, Haruka. Something that sounds like shouting and thundering footsteps."

My eyes widened. "Oh, NO!" 

Without hesitating for a moment, I grabbed Setsuna by the arm and started to drag her along. "Run!"

"Why?" Setsuna cried.

"They're after me again!" Sure enough, the yells and cries belonged to about fifty girls, all of them wearing tight white t-shirts that read "Proud To Be A Tenoh-ite" on the front. Setsuna turned around, took one look, and started to really get the lead out. 

We eventually passed the Inners, who were out having one of their spring picnics. They watched us run by and just shook their heads. 

"There go the Outers," said Makoto.

"Humph. Must be spring," Rei observed irritably. *

"Come on, Setsuna,!" I howled. "Neptune always keeps up with me! She matches my pace exactly."

"No one cares!" Setsuna snorted.

The girls were closing in on us fast. In a last desperate effort, right before I was tackled, I grabbed Setsuna by the arm and slung her into a nearby bush to get her out of the line of fire. I went down hard under a delicate girl, who was remarkably heavy for her size. The other girls, who were a bit dumb, kept going as if I hadn't already been captured. I figured they would realize I had fallen after awhile and come back for me, so I had to make tracks fast. But I had this girl on top of me to deal with first. But gosh, she smelled good! "Excuse me, Miss, but if you could just hop off…"

"Gottcha!"

"MICHIRU?!"

She rolled off and giggled. "I was hoping I would be the one to catch you," she panted, trying to catch her breath. "After all, I always match your pace perfectly."

"So we've heard," came a sarcastic reply from the bush.

I gawked at her. "But what you are _doing_? You're a Tenoh-ite?"

"Absolutely. I just joined up today." She stood up and proudly showed off her white t-shirt. "I also have this way cute membership badge. See?" She held out a little plastic card with my smiling photo that read: _I, Michiru Kaioh, promise my undying love and devotion to Haruka Tenoh_. "If they only knew," she giggled.

"Did you say 'way cute'?" Something was definitely wrong with this whole picture.

"The back of my T-shirt has my name on it too. See?" She turned around. It said 'Kaioh' in blue letters across the back. "I also purchased one of your official racing jackets."

I quirked an eyebrow. "You could just wear mine. Wouldn't that be even more exciting to them if you showed up wearing the _real_ Tenoh racing jacket?" I failed to see what was so cool about me, really, but I decided to go with it.

"I thought about that, but I don't want them to get too jealous. They're already going to be jealous enough at the great idea I've come up with to raise some money."

I struggled to rise. "And why are you doing this again?"

Michiru helped pull me up. "I decided to join them because A: I _do_ promise my undying love and devotion to you, and B: They need some new ideas for things to do at their meetings. I've already been elected activity chairperson." 

"That's…good." I felt nervous.

Michiru looked around. "Where's Setsuna?"

I pointed to the bush. "In there."

Michiru swatted me. "Get her out of there! I have membership stuff for her too! You get your name on a t-shirt, Suna!"

"Leave me out of this," muttered the bush.

~*~

Later that night, I sprawled on the couch to watch a movie. Michiru had headed to our room right after dinner, claiming to be quite busy. I had tried to find Setsuna to be my movie-watching buddy, but Michiru appeared to have kidnapped her for her own method of madness. That left me alone.

I really tried to focus on the movie, which was this odd Japanese thriller about evil spirals, but I was dying to know what Michiru and Setsuna were doing in the bedroom. ** This Tenoh-ite business was making me nervous. There were all sorts of bumps and thuds, like drawers being opened and shut, and I saw Michiru get out a duffle bag from the hall closet, which was just weird. I would have preferred it if they were having an affair in there. Then at least I could have demanded to be in on the action and I could have had some fun too. Ooops…did I just say that out loud?

Anyway, when I finally couldn't stand it anymore and couldn't concentrate on the movie for another second longer (despite how odd and rather grotesque it was), I decided to barge in and get in on the secret action. 

I flung open the door and gawked at them. Michiru stopped digging through my drawers and froze, and Setsuna gave a little scream. Her lap was covered with my old boxer shorts. They both looked at me and I looked at them. "What the hell is going on in here?!" I howled.

Michiru laughed nervously while Setsuna tried to hide her head _under_ a pair of my boxers. 

I was busy watching Setsuna with the boxers and kind of wishing I had a camera when Michiru tried to explain. "It's a fundraiser. For the Tenoh-ites."

"What do my boxers have to do with-?" I stopped. It was a dumb question. Tenoh Boxers and Tenoh-ites kind of went together like Mamoru and his green jacket. 

"You never wear these ones anymore," explained Michiru. "I figured we could auction them off to the highest bidder. We'll give the money to a charity."

"Heck no!" I argued.

She didn't listen.

~*~

By the day of the auction, I was pretty much over the loss of my old boxers, but the embarrassment of it all still stung. Michiru had sweet talked me and we'd ended up in bed (Setsuna ran for the hills at this point), and I had promptly forgotten about the whole thing. But now that it was actually going to happen, I was really squeamish about the idea of some girl getting my old underwear. I wanted to at least be able to see who ended up with them. 

"If you come along, they'll mob you." She fluffed her hair out over the collar of her 'Official Tenoh Racing Jacket' that wasn't quite as official as the one I had in my closet upstairs. 

"I guess you're right. What time is the auction?"

"It's at three o'clock. I shouldn't be much more than an hour or two. Then I'll come home and make dinner."

"Okay." I suddenly got an idea. "Are you taking Setsuna with you?"

"No. She was sleeping the last I knew. I figured she wouldn't care too much about it. She doesn't seem to be that enthusiastic about being a Tenoh-ite. I wonder why?"

"Hmm…I wonder." I pushed Michiru towards the door. "Well, have fun! Earn some money with those things!"

Michiru left with the undies and I took off down the hall. I opened Setsuna's door and entered the lair of perpetual darkness.

She was asleep on her bed. I sat down next to her and gently rubbed her shoulder. "Setsie. Wake up, sweetie." I was always really nice when I wanted something.

She didn't budge.

I did the next thing that popped into my mind. I sat on her. She woke up. "What do you want?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

"I'm sorry, but I really need your help! I need you to turn me into a Tenoh-ite."

~*~

I stood in front of Setsuna's full length mirror, gazing at myself critically. "Not too bad." I had on a baby tee that said 'Kitten', a blue sailor skirt, white socks and loafers, plus about a pound of blush, mascara, and lipstick. "I look just like those girls. Except for the hair." 

Setsuna had placed a long black wig on my head, figuring that my own hair was a dead giveaway. She looked me over as she pulled on her Tenoh-ite t-shirt and racing jacket. "What's wrong with it?"

"It looks like a bad Sera Myu Mars wig."

"It _is_ a bad Sera Myu Mars wig."

"Oh. Right." Setsuna liked to collect costumes. 

Now that I didn't look remotely like me, we set off to watch Michiru's auction in progress.

~*~

"SOLD! To the pretty girl with the yellow bow!" Michiru pounded a gavel on the table in front of her.

I cringed. "Michiru is too nice to some of them."

Setsuna elbowed me. "Be good!" she admonished. 

We were sitting in an old auditorium that had been rented for the day specifically for the auction. It was kind of interesting, but at the same time I wasn't really that impressed with the girls who were buying my underwear. 

"But I don't _want_ some of these girls to have my boxers! They all seem so ditsy and boy-crazy to me!"

Setsuna gave me a death glare that she probably picked up from Hotaru, before turning back to watch. "I wonder how long it will be before Michi lets them know that you're actually a girl?"

I slumped down in my seat. "I figure she'll never tell them. She's having too much fun." My Mars wig was starting to itch. "Besides…it just _proves_ these girls are stupid. If any of them could read, they would know already that I'm female. There have been a lot of articles about me."

Setsuna smiled. "I kind of think they would be after you even if they did know."

"Are you speaking from personal experience?" I asked suavely. 

She thought for a moment before she said, "You bet!" She hugged onto my arm and I giggled. Setsuna could be fun. 

Michiru suddenly pulled out a pair of white boxers with red hearts on them. I squinted. "Hey…those were thrown to me by a girl at my first race!"

Setsuna eyed me. "I guess that would explain why Michiru doesn't mind getting them out of her closet…"

"Well, I'm not ready to get rid of those yet!"

Michiru held them up. "How much for this pair of boxers worn by Haruka Tenoh? Do I hear ten dollars?"

"Too much…" muttered Setsuna.

"Ten dollars!" called a girl in the front row.

"I don't think so! Those are mine!" I raised a finger. "Twenty dollars!" 

"Haruk-!" Setsuna started to cry, but I clapped a hand over her mouth. 

"Shh! If you call me by my name they'll mob!"

Michiru smiled up at me. "Twenty dollars from the lovely lady with the long hair." 

The girl in the front row glared up at me for a moment before turning back to Michiru. "Thirty dollars!"

Michiru was delighted. "I have thirty. Do I hear thirty-five?"

"Forty!" I yelled. 

Setsuna gawked at me.

"They're mine," I said between gritted teeth. 

"Fifty!" countered the girl.

"Who is that?" I demanded of anyone sitting nearby. 

The girl on my other side leaned towards me and whispered, "You don't know? She's famous here. Her name is Noriko Harada. She's member number one!"

"The first member?" asked Setsuna. "Well, that _is_ prestigious isn't it?" 

I snorted. "Oh, please! Sixty!"

The bidding went on like this until the total reached one hundred dollars. Michiru seemed thrilled, and a little bit floored, that a pair of her lover's boxer shorts was worth that much money. The rest had only gone for about twenty or thirty dollars, so this was her big chance to make some bucks. "One hundred and ten?" She looked at me, who had bid the hundred, and then at the girl.

You could tell my rival was really thinking it over. The muscles in her face were working hard and you could tell her hand wanted to fly up to signify more money. Personally, I hoped she would stop now. I was spending my first paycheck before I earned it. Finally, fuming, the girl shook her head.

"One hundred going once? Twice? SOLD! To the young woman with the dark hair…sitting next to…Setsuna." Only then did her eyes narrow suspiciously.

I started to sweat as I went to collect the boxers from the assistant girl they had been handed off to. 

Meanwhile, everyone stood up and started to head for the exit, some clutching boxer purchases. I was hugging mine happily when I felt a tug on my shirt from behind. I turned around to find myself face to face with Noriko Harada. She glared at me with her teeth clenched. "Those are supposed to be _my_ boxers. Who do you think you are coming in here and taking merchandise away from the true fans of Haruka Tenoh? I've never seen you before and I know all the girls. Who are you?" 

I smirked. "That's for me to know and for you not to."

Noriko gave me a cold smile. "All right…fair enough. But if you were really a fan of Tenoh-san you would have joined this club a long time ago. You can't really want those boxers that much. Why don't you sell them to me?"

I pretended to think it over. "Nah…I think I'll keep them."

Noriko's smile tightened. "I'll have you know that I always get what I want."

I grinned. "A ha. Well, not this time, honey."

That's all it took. Noriko suddenly jumped at me, trying to tear the boxers out of my hands. "I _will_ have them!" she shrieked. 

"AHHH!" I had to use all my strength to fight the girl off. She was a tough cookie. We rolled over each other a few times, all legs and hair, both of us clutching a portion of the boxers.

Meanwhile, the rest of the girls had drifted over to watch, including several guys there to pick up their girlfriends. I started to hear cries of:

"Stop this minute!" Michiru.

"Don't hurt her, Harada-san!" Setsuna.

"CATFIGHT!!" The boyfriends.

Noriko finally hit me where it hurt. She grabbed hold of the bad Mars wig and gave a mighty tug. The wig went flying and landed in front of a pair of aquamarine shoes, enclosing a set of very familiar feet. "I knew it," muttered Michiru. 

Meanwhile Noriko gawked at me, her eyes large. "You're…you're…!"

"Haruka, run!" yelled Setsuna. 

The girls immediately surged forward, screaming at the top of their lungs. I managed to squeeze through their legs in the general chaos and made tracks to the car, still clutching the boxers. I decided that lesbian or not, I really couldn't stand girls and never wanted to look at one ever again!

~*~

That night I slept in Setsuna's room and she stayed in with Michiru. Michi was not terribly pleased that I spent a hundred dollars on boxers that I already owned, and got in a catfight besides, so it was clear that she needed a night apart from me. But I figured she was more upset with the prospect of those boxers hanging around for the rest of our lives together. But I knew she'd get over it. After all, she was the sensible, mature one.

Right….

************************************************************************

FOOTNOTES: 

* The Outers seem to be chased through the park every spring…

** The movie Haruka is watching is called "Uzumaki", and it's this really bizarre movie in Japanese about spirals (yeah, like the swirly thingies), uzumaki in Japanese, that take over this town and cause the deaths of all these people. It was pretty wild, with blood and eyeballs stuck in windshields, giant centipedes, and people twisting into spirals, so Haruka would have to be very distracted not to be glued to it. Good movie for a late sleepless night, but be ready to read subtitles. 

************************************************************************
__

Next time: The girls attend a festival with a game competition, but an old "friend" shows up and causes Haruka grief. Already half done! Whoohoo! Hotaru and *Seiya* cameos! 

NEW WEBSITE BASED ON THIS FANFICTION! ****

So you like the Tenoh-ites? Want to be an online Tenoh-ite? I made four buttons featuring Haruka, Michiru, and Setsuna for those who want to display their loyalty to the Tenoh-ites on their webpage. Please see the new page for more details! 

(Copy, paste, and take out the spaces)

**www.angelfire.com**** / mi3 / ladygrizdrawings / tenohites.html**

An accompanying illustration: 

(Copy, paste, and take out the spaces – thanks to C-chan who suggested this. It's annoying, but seems to work. Thanks! Thanks also to those who gave me suggestions. *grin*)

www.angelfire.com / anime4 / setsuna_meioh / images / setsuna_haruka_tenoh-ites.jpg

It's Setsuna and Haruka in their disguises for the auction. Of course Setsuna's hair is shorter and Haruka doesn't look a thing like Haruka in her "bad Sera Myu Mars wig", but it definitely captures the oddball feel of this chapter. Besides, it's Haruka in skimpy clothes. *grin* __

I've also done an illustration for the last chapter, so you might want to check that out too if you like art. I'm posting it at the end of last chapter like I usually do.

Thanks a lot for reading! And sorry for the delay. It was supposed to be up a few days ago, but I couldn't find a computer that would actually let me post this once it was finished. Sheesh! 


	17. A Game Day! Haruka Versus Seiya

A Game Day! Haruka Versus Seiya

************************************************************************

In the middle of summer there was going to be a festival at the park, featuring entertainment, good food, and recreation. One of the main events was a game competition on Saturday afternoon, and I had my sights set on entering it, hopefully with Michiru. There were going to be lots of events like potato sack and wheelbarrow races. I figured I was destined to win at everything, because I was good like that. I had been looking forward to it for weeks. It would also be a good time for bonding with family and friends. I couldn't wait!

~*~

A couple of days beforehand I was sorting through a pile of clothes, trying to pick out the perfect athletic attire. "It should be cute, but yet sporty and easy to move in," I said to Michiru. 

"You're really going all out for this," she commented with a smile. "Excited?"

"You bet!" I chirped.

Michiru checked her watch. "Setsuna's checking the Gate tonight. She'll probably be home soon, and be hungry. I think I'll make a snack for us."

"Yes, it's about that time. I'll make sure the cushions are all in place. I'm not listening to her complain about any more bruises on her behind." I set about piling up cushions and pillows in the designated landing spot. It wasn't long before we heard the whoosh of an approaching time portal, and Michiru came out to welcome her home. We both backed up a good deal – this part could be unpredictable.

The time portal opened in the ceiling and Pluto came spilling out of it, onto her bum on the cushions. "WheeHee!" she cried, her eyes shut tightly in glee, her arms thrown up in the air.

Michiru sweatdropped and shrugged. "Good night, I guess."

Pluto picked herself up and de-transformed back into Setsuna. She looked around and planted her hands on her hips. "Well, that's funny!" 

"What is?" I asked.

"I swear she was just with me. Why isn't she here?" Setsuna looked quite worried.

I sighed. "Sweetie – do we need to explain the difference between real and pretend again?"

She gave me a dark look. "Haha."

I was so busy laughing at Setsuna that I didn't hear the whoosh of the time portal. I saw Setsuna's eyes move directly above my head and a split second later something hit me like a ton of bricks, flattening me to the floor.

Michiru gasped. "Good heavens!"

Setsuna sighed. "You'd think after two thousand years I would have gotten it right by now."

The someone rolled off of me and I rubbed my sore back. Then I realized who it was. "YOU!"

"Me!" I was face to face with Seiya Kou.

"Good heavens!" repeated Michiru.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded. "And in a dress?! Weren't you a guy last time?"

Seiya nodded and tugged at the dress a little. "Yes, but I'm a woman this time around. I'm tired of changing back and forth."

"…Always struck me as odd," I admitted.

"Anyway, I'm here for a visit, and I need a place to stay. Setsuna saw me traveling through space, met up with me by Mars, and suggested your house, since you have Hotaru's old room."

I turned to look at Setsuna, one eyebrow raised. "Well…we do," she said, shrinking back behind Michiru.

"Why don't you stay with Usagi?" I asked, turning back to the Kinmokuian. 

"Don't be rude," whispered Michiru.

"I would, but she has Chiba. And I'm not sure how he'd take the news that I was staying over. I was a guy last time, remember?"

"Yeah, but-" I started.

"I think it's very sensible," said Michiru.

"I suppose so." I shot daggers at Seiya with my eyes. "I had forgotten you're a womanizer!"

"Don't worry!" Seiya laughed. "If I go after anyone, it won't be Usagi." She looked at Michiru as she said this.

I glared. "Don't even think about it!"

"How do you know I'm interested in Michiru? Do you think I don't know better? There _are_ others here."

Setsuna blinked.

I stepped in front of her. "This one's off limits, too."

Seiya waved a hand at me. "Yes, yes."

~*~

Having Seiya over wasn't too horrible, except that I felt the need to keep a good eye on the girls. He, or rather she, had tried to seduce Usagi even when she knew Usagi had Mamoru. At least that was how _I_ saw it. Michiru said it was ridiculous. But I still didn't trust the woman.

On the bright side, Michiru cooked really good dinners whenever we had company.

~*~

On the morning of the festival, I was up with the dawn, out stretching in the backyard. I was raring to go. I had already made enough noise in the kitchen and the bathroom to wake up Setsuna, who had crawled into bed with Michiru, searching for a peaceful place. Every once in awhile she would lift her head, glare out the window at me, and flop back down again. I just waved and continued to do jumping jacks and karate moves until Michiru finally hollered out the window that it was only six in the morning and people were 'trying to sleep in here!'

I stopped jumping around and whooping like a maniac and slunk back inside.

~*~

Once everyone was properly rested and I was properly antsy, we got dressed and prepared to leave. I hopped out of the bedroom, wearing a set of tiny blue gym shorts with a matching sporty t-shirt. I thought I looked very kawaii and I struck a pose. "Ta da!"

Michiru clapped. "Oh, Haruka, you look very-"

The door to Hotaru's old room swung open. "Ta da!" Seiya hopped out, wearing the exact same outfit, only in red. 

I glared. "That's my style."

She shrugged. "It's my style too."

Michiru laughed nervously. "You both look wonderful. I hope you do very well today."

"Oh, I think I will." I gave Seiya a smug look.

At this point Setsuna dragged herself out of her room, looking dismal. We watched her skulk by and out the door to the car. Michiru shrugged helplessly. "Lets…just try to have a good day? Okay?"

~*~

Once we were at the park, Setsuna spotted Hotaru and immediately ran off. I held Michiru's hand and breathed in the fresh air. "I wonder what they're doing? I hope they don't miss the games. I feel confident about my chances."

Michiru hoisted the paper bag that held the casserole she had prepared for the festival picnic. "I figure they're going to register for the games. The judges' booth is in that direction."

I raised an eyebrow. "Setsuna and Hotaru are going to play? You're kidding! _Setsuna_?"

"Believe me, she tried to get out of it. But Hotaru was excited and begged Setsuna to be her partner."

I suppose I should mention that both Setsuna and Hotaru were lousy at every sport known to man (or, more importantly, woman). "Aren't you going to play?" I asked Michiru. "I was hoping I'd be your partner."

She shook her head. "Not this time. I'm going to be helping prepare the food in the main tent. Besides, you know sports aren't really my cup of tea."

"But don't you even want to watch Setsuna and Hotaru come in last in every event they enter?"

"You just let me know how it goes." Michiru headed off towards the main tent, her domestic instincts kicking in.

"But who's going to be _my_ partner?" I wailed after her. 

She turned and smiled at me. "Don't worry, Love. Go to the judges' table and they'll pair you up with someone. Not everyone has a partner. I'm sure you'll end up with someone just right for you."

Well, I was in no mood to have a random partner. I wanted to at least have my pick of the best. I headed out to find someone who was worthy of helping me win. 

As the morning wore on, the bleaker I felt. Everyone had a partner except for me. The Inners were there, but they were partnered with each other and Usagi had Mamoru. I considered Chibi-Usa for one split second until I realized how foolish that would look. Besides, she was still in the kiddie division. I would have been happy to have Setsuna as my partner at this point, even if she did stink. Defeated, I dragged myself over to the judges' table and admitted that I needed some help finding someone.

The head judge smiled. "Not a problem," he said. "We match people up all the time. In fact, we have another woman who is interested in partnering with someone. She's close to you in height and ability."

I felt more hopeful. "Who is it?" I asked.

"There she is right now." The judge gestured to someone behind me. "Miss? I think we found you a suitable match."

I turned around, ready to shake hands and smile, but my mouth dropped open instead. "Oh, NO! Anyone but you!"

Seiya crossed her arms. "Well that's friendly."

~*~

Seiya and I grudgingly stood next to each other to check out the game lineup that had just been handed out. We were going to be starting with the easy races and gradually move up in difficulty to finish with the mother of all events, the three-legged race. I spotted Setsuna and Hotaru gazing at their list, both looking worried. I promptly bounded away from Seiya and grabbed Setsuna by the arm, yanking her away from Hotaru so fast that the little girl spun around once and landed, dizzy, on her bum in the grass.

"Hey!" cried Setsuna.

"BE MY PARTNER!" I begged, hugging onto her arm. I had finally snapped.

"Haruka, no! I promised Hotaru."

Across the way, dizzy Hotaru raised one hand in greeting.

"You can both be my partners!" I said with desperation. "We can have a threesome!"

Hotaru started to laugh and Seiya snorted. Setsuna just shook her head. "Go away!" She left me, pulled Hotaru up, and the two of them took off. Setsuna stumbled slightly and bent down to tie her shoe. I sweatdropped. And they were entering?

Seiya nodded at them. "You're a desperate man, aren't you?"

"Oh, shut up!"

~*~

Soon enough we were all lined up across a wide field, our feet in potato sacks. It was a very Brady Bunch moment, except that I wasn't getting along with 'Greg' very well at the time. *

"Haruka, you're not holding onto the top of your sack with a very good grip," Seiya noted. 

"How do you know _you_ are?" I demanded. "What do you know about potato sack racing?"

"I won a potato sack race triathlon on Kinmoku," she said smugly.

I opened my mouth to argue this, but nothing came out except a loud bang. The race had just started without us.

"GO!" yelled Seiya and gave me a panicked shove. I tottered and tried to step forward, but it was impossible as I was in a burlap sack. I started to tilt forward and only managed to stay on my feet by knocking into Ami and sending her sprawling, propelling myself back to my feet using her body as something to push against. I choked out an apology and started to hop. By this time, Seiya and I were well behind and hopping for all we were worth. Setsuna and Hotaru were making little pathetic hops not far in front of us. "We both have to win this race in order to get in the lead!" Seiya hollered. The better place you got, the more points you and your partner received.

"We can at least overtake Setsuna and Hotaru!" I called. I thought we were doing decently for our late start. We were starting to pass the Inners.

Seiya had other ideas. "You're doing it wrong!" 

"I'm not!" I panted. "I think you are! Go faster!"

Up ahead of us, Hotaru looked tired. Setsuna took her hand and the two of them jumped together. I kept waiting for them to fall, but they didn't.

"_You_ go faster!" Seiya tried to grab my sack.

"Keep your hands off!" I tried to grab the back of her shirt to drag her along.

"Wait! Stop!"

"You!"

"No, _you_! You're-AHHH!"

We both tumbled to the ground, taking Minako and Rei with us. They yelled out and started to kick us and we kicked them, which resulted in the kicking of more people until most of the contestants were lying in a pile, nursing their bruises – except for Setsuna and Hotaru who somehow managed to come in third.

"We lost!" I sobbed, trying to get my legs free of the sack.

Seiya glared. "I dislike you."

~*~

I would like to say the other events went better, but it was a rough go. We started off strong in the carry-the-egg-on-a-spoon event, which consisted of exactly that – carrying an egg on a spoon for a lengthy distance, but when it came time to pass the egg to Seiya, we were in such a hurry that our spoons didn't line up right and the egg died on the concrete. Hotaru had a quick funeral service for it, which was attended by Setsuna, their egg (which had lived and come in second place), Seiya, and me, but it didn't help our score any.

The next event was the good old pass-the-orange-under-your-chin event, and you can imagine how that turned out.** Seiya came at me with an orange under her chin and as soon as I got my face close enough to hers to take the fruit with my own neck muscles, the two of us ended up staring at each other, blushing. Then we took to glaring at each other for making the other one blush. By then we were too far behind to catch up. 

On the other hand, the wheelbarrow race was the perfect opportunity for us to tell each other that we weren't only slow, but also heavy. The person being the wheelbarrow at the time also managed to get in a few well-aimed kicks to the chest of her partner when the latter was just a bit too insulting. I personally think Hotaru and Setsuna had an unfair advantage, both of them being lightweights. Setsuna was a good bit taller than Hotaru, but she didn't weigh anything. What in the world do Kinmokuians _eat_?

"You have thunder-thighs!" 

Seiya kicked me firmly in the chest. 

"Oww! Damn!"

~*~

We finally made it to the Goliath of partner races: THE THREE-LEGGED RACE. This was not an event for wimps.

I watched as Setsuna wrapped the cloth strip that would bind herself and Hotaru together around their legs and fastened it well. I almost felt sorry for them. There was no way they'd be able to win this race. I suddenly winced. "Ouch! You're tying it way too tight!"

"Do you want to come undone?" Seiya asked, giving the cloth another good yank. "We'll be disqualified if we don't stay together."

"On your marks!" called the race-starter. 

I threw my arm around Seiya's shoulders to support myself. "Let's do this."

"Get set!" 

"This is for the glory, Tenoh."

"GO!" The gun went off.

Utter chaos broke out. Some of the more seasoned racers began to move together swiftly, but a lot of people started to stumble and go down. This race would definitely determine who was woman (or man) enough for the trophy. The weak would be trampled and the fittest would survive. I started to move, starting on my right foot, but Seiya had the same idea and also started on her right. We stumbled right away, but didn't fall. "I'm not letting you screw this up!" I seethed.

"Me? You started on the wrong foot!"

"I didn't! You did! Besides, we never decided which foot to start on! It's really no one's fault," I suddenly realized. 

They were dropping like flies all around us as we struggled to move together in our haste to get to the finish line, failing miserably. As I took stock of the other opponents, I noticed Setsuna and Hotaru out of the corner of my eye. They were moving in perfect sync, counting out loud to stay in step. It was almost freaky how well they were doing. Well, they already had really pretty hair and cool weapons. I certainly wasn't going to let them win this race without a fight! "Come on, Kou! We're finishing this race if it kills us!" 

Usagi and Mamoru suddenly went down laughing right in front of us, which tripped up Seiya. Usagi squealed and pointed at Seiya and Mamoru's eyes went wide. "H..Hi!" piped Seiya, a grin spreading across her face.

"Oh, no you don't!" I gritted my teeth and started to physically drag Seiya across the field.

"He's a girl this time around!" I heard Usagi exclaim.

"Always struck me as odd…" Mamoru admitted.

The crowd erupted in wild cheers as Setsuna and Hotaru crossed the finish line in first place, and had started to walk away as I dragged the grass-stained Seiya across – in last. I fell forward face down on the ground and tried not to bawl and further humiliate myself. I stayed there until a cool hand came to rest on my sweaty neck. "Don't worry, Love. There's always next year." Michiru helped me up and we headed towards the judges' table, where the trophies were being handed out. 

I watched glumly, but also a little bit proudly, as Setsuna and Hotaru were both given trophies. After all, they were my girls and in the end it was nice to see them succeed. They had managed to make second place due to their miraculous performance in the three-legged race, which was far more than even they had expected. "How did they do it?" I whispered to Michiru. "Have you ever seen Setsuna be athletic a day in her life?"

"No, but they had incredible teamwork. Something which you…er…may have lacked."

That's for sure.

~*~

As we all sat down to eat, the embarrassment and shame of loosing so horribly and to Setsuna of all people was starting to ease. This was where that bonding time came into play, and I was determined to let nothing else spoil the day. I was even ready to be nice to Seiya, but she had disappeared somewhere. After lunch when Setsuna had taken off, Hotaru had gone to find Chibi-Usa, and Michiru had left to help clean up, I decided to find Seiya and apologize for being a poor sport. After all, Seiya had never really done anything to wrong us, even if she _had_ flirted with Michiru that one time. Besides, I figured I really wouldn't have to worry about her being too much of a force in our lives.

I turned the corner behind the bathroom building and came upon Seiya. She was kissing someone. Startled, but relieved to see it wasn't Usagi, I figured it was none of my business. "Oh! Excuse me. I'll just let you-" My mouth dropped open.

Seiya was kissing Setsuna. 

Michiru caught up to me at that moment. Her eyes went wide. "Good heavens!"

It only took about thirty seconds for me to take up the chase, screaming threats all the way, and believe me, I was going fast enough to win any race. 

************************************************************************

Footnotes:

* The Brady's had Potato Sack races in their backyard…I think.

** You know the game. You hold the orange between your chin and chest and the next person tries to take it from you using their own chin and chest.

************************************************************************

Next time…

Haruka is as stunned with this latest romantic development as you are, but for Setsuna's own good she decides to teach her everything she knows in a specially designed course: "The Haruka Tenoh Guide To Picking Up Girls".

See you then!

Lady Grizabella

setsuna_haruka_michiru@yahoo.com


	18. A Day Of Lessons! Haruka Tenoh's Guide F...

A Day Of Lessons! Haruka Tenoh's Guide For Picking Up Girls

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I dragged myself up our front steps, headed into the house, and slumped into a chair. "Ahh…" I sighed. "There's nothing like coming home to a wonderful family after a long day at work."

"You worked for three hours," Michiru noted, coming out of the kitchen. "And it's only eleven o'clock in the morning."

I ignored this. "Hello, wonderful lover."

She gave me a kiss. "Welcome home, sweetie."

"Hello, wonderful family pet." I leaned over and patted the top of Nepu-Nepu's bowl like she was a puppy.

Michiru raised an eyebrow.

I looked around. "Where is wonderful child?"

"If you mean Setsuna, I think she's in her room."

"Well, what's she doing in there?"

"Setsuna stuff, I'd imagine."

I sighed again and leaned back in my chair. "Ah yes…wonderful family…"

Michiru snorted (although elegantly). "Who are you? Ward Cleaver?" *

I took on one of those dark looks.

~*~

My mood only continued to plummet as we approached lunch. Michiru knocked on Setsuna's door to tell her to come to the table, and Setsuna, pushing her rapidly growing hair behind her ears, came out of her bedroom - followed by Seiya Kou.

Michiru froze. "Not good…"

All the blood drained from my face.

Seiya hesitated. "Oh crud…"

"OUT! OUT OUT _OUT_!" My voice rattled the window glass and my girls covered their ears.

Seiya held up her hands. "Geeze, okay! I'll go. I'll give you a chance to calm down." She ducked out the back door.

I turned on Setsuna. "SETSUNA MEIOH! How can you bring yourself to mess around with that _thing_!"

"Honestly!" exclaimed Michiru. "She's just a girl, not the devil!"

Setsuna shrugged. "I take it where I can get it, I guess."

"Since _when_?" I wailed. "Besides, you have _us_!" 

Michiru elbowed me.

Setsuna sighed and sunk into a chair. "It's not like I asked for this. I'm the lonely girl's best friend, remember?"

I also took a seat. "I really shouldn't be surprised. I always figured you were batting for our team."

"And what team is _that_?" Michiru demanded.

"But still," I continued, "You could do better than Seiya Kou. She'll have a new girlfriend every week." I suddenly pounded my fist into my hand. "I've got it! Since you're embarking on this new lifestyle, I figure you need some help. Someone with experience who can show you the right way to get the right girls. We'll start now!" 

Setsuna raised a finger. "But-"

"Get your purse, and I'll get the car keys. We're going out!"

As I happily skipped (yes, skipped) from the room, I heard Michiru say to Setsuna: "You may as well go with her. It's the only way she'll be quiet."

~*~

We took a quick pit stop in my room before we left. "What do you identify as most, Setsuna? Butch or femme?"

There was a patented elegant snort from the doorway. "That's a hard call."

I stuck my tongue out at Michiru. "Ignore her."

Setsuna shrugged. "I never thought about it."

"Well, it doesn't matter. I still think you'll look cool in my clothes. Besides, it's fun to dress you up."

Setsuna raised an eyebrow. "Apparently." **

~*~

I pulled over into the driveway of a business in downtown Tokyo and observed Setsuna who sat in the passenger seat. She wore a pair of light gray corduroy pants and a button-down white dress shirt. I nodded. "You look very cute. Nice and butch. But…maybe we should cut your hair again."

She just looked at me.

I sweatdropped. "Anyway, think it over." I then cleared my throat. "Welcome, Student, to _Haruka Tenoh's Guide For Picking Up Girls_, a special course designed just for you."

"Do I have to raise my hand to ask a question?"

"Behave or you'll have to stand in the corner! Anyway, we start with _Lesson One: Drive A Cool Car_."

"Uhh…" Setsuna began.

I cut her off. "I know you can't drive. That's why I'm going to teach you."

She looked at me sharply. "Are you losing it?"

"Come on, you can drive. You're not giving yourself enough credit. Just give it a shot. The girls will be all over you." I hopped out and headed around to the passenger side.

Setsuna hesitantly slid over into the driver's seat. "You must be really excited if you're allowing me to drive your car."

I froze for a moment. "Oh. Yeah. Well, I'm here, so I don't think anything will go wrong. Pull your hair back, slide on your sunglasses, and start up the engine. We'll be reeling in the babes in no time."

"Are you sure it's not _you_ who wants to attract the 'babes'?" she asked, cautiously turning the key. The engine sprang to life and she jumped a little. 

I swiped my hand through the air. "Nonsense! Now, put your foot on the gas, push down, and-AHHH!"

We went flying out into the street. Setsuna screamed and closed her eyes, at the same time letting go of the wheel. With my heart in my throat, I made a grab for it. "TAKE YOUR FOOT OFF THE GAS!" I hollered. "OFF! _OFF_!" 

Setsuna pulled her foot off and the car started to slow down. I guided the car over to the side of the road.

I tried to breathe, ignoring the cars that screamed by us, honking. "Okay…that was a good first try."

Setsuna was shaking. I reached over to pat her on the back. "They must have loved you in driver's education, huh?" Regrouping, I took her hands and put them back on the steering wheel. "What I meant to say was, put your foot on the gas, push down, and _slowly_ head into traffic. Yes?"

Setsuna nodded miserably.

"Good! So do proceed, Suna-chan. We'll try again."

A raise of the eyebrow. "_Suna-chan_? Need I remind you that I'm no longer twelve years old?" She carefully pushed down on the gas and we crawled back out onto the road.

It took a couple of moments for the cars around us to realize how slow we were going, and the honking promptly started after that.

"Haruka, make them stop!" the teary Setsuna demanded.

"Ignore them. You're doing fine. But you can go a little bit faster…"

"I'm going as fast as I can!"

We were going at a brisk ten miles an hour.

_HONK, HONNNNNK_!!!

I stood up in the seat and waved my fist at the other drivers furiously. "Hold your horses! She's a beginner, damn-it!"

Setsuna wasn't looking quite as teary, but she still clutched the wheel for dear life and we weren't going any faster. Now the insults had started to fly from other cars. Someone shot us the finger. Setsuna glared and promptly shot the finger back, along with a string of Plutonian Profanity that could make your hair curl. I was starting to realize that although we were certainly driving a cool car, we weren't, in fact, looking very cool.

I instructed Setsuna to pull on over. "I think maybe we've had enough of this for one day. Lesson One complete."

Setsuna slid back over to the passenger side so fast, she ended up in my lap. "Did I attract any girls yet?" she asked.

"Uhh…a few, I'm sure. Anyway, on to the park!"

~*~

Once we were both standing in the park I started in on the next lesson_. _"_Lesson Two: Walk Like A Bad-Ass_."

"That's a truly awful title for a lesson," Setsuna noted. 

"But the girls love it, trust me. Now you sit there on that bench and watch me." I started to strut down the sidewalk, my hair blowing in the wind, my shirt slightly unbuttoned, my hands stuck impishly in my pockets. About ten girls who were standing nearby all swooned. I turned to look at Setsuna. "Now for the final touch. Watch this." I snapped my fingers and those notorious cherry blossoms swelled in the air and blew angelically around my head.

Setsuna narrowed her eyes. "I'm not going into how odd that is."

I examined my nails. "Both roguish and beautiful – that's me," I said pompously.

"Right."

"Anyway, come over here and give me your best sexy walk."

With a sigh and much grumbling, the cranky time god headed over. After giving me a look that could kill, she started to slink down the path. Sexy wasn't exactly the word, but she did look intriguing – if you had depression. "Look alive there, Puu! Think _lust_!"

I had to hand it to her; she started to do this really interesting walk, complete with butt swaying. As people started to watch her, I almost felt jealous. "_I_ should just take her home… At any rate, people are looking at her now! HEY!" I used my hip to knock some puny guy with his tongue hanging out off the path. "Girls only, buster!" Then to Setsuna: "Hey, jump up onto the side of that fountain and strut around that! You'll be more visible to people."

Setsuna stopped and shook her head. "No way! This is good enough!"

I strode towards her. "No, really. This will be good. Just hop on up there…" I made a grab for her arm.

"Haruka, no!" she cried.

"…And walk around…" I hoisted her into my arms.

"Stop!"

"…Up there!" I stepped up onto the fountain ledge and prepared to set her down in front of me.

She kicked me.

"Awk!" I lost my balance and toppled into the fountain, still clutching Setsuna.

When I finally (and reluctantly) resurfaced, I winced against the laughter of the fountain watchers. "See this, Suna? This is bad attention."

She pushed her sopping bangs out of her eyes. "I hate the park."

~*~

After a quick pit stop at home to dry off, change, and be bitched out by Michiru – "You _what_? You let her _drive_? Are you trying to find her a girlfriend, or kill her?!" – we were on the road again, dry and with lunch finally inside us. I had decided to go get us an after-lunch drink, and figured what better place to go but a bar for women? The reluctant Setsuna was once again with me, still dressed in my clothes. She wasn't thrilled about our outing, but after such a turbulent early afternoon, she figured she could go for a stiff drink.

I pulled up in front of the bar frighteningly named _The Iron Bra_. "Have you actually ever been here?" asked Setsuna.

"Not exactly," I admitted, "but I've been to these places before. They're pretty fun. At night there's dancing, and usually some cute femme will buy you a drink. I'm sure there will be some cute girls here. Meeting people is the whole point of this place. By the way…this is _Lesson Three: Have Savvy Knowledge Of Chick Bars_." 

I hopped out of the car and headed towards the building. Setsuna started to follow me, but as soon as my back was turned, she tried to bolt. "Oh, no you don't!" I grabbed her around the waist and physically dragged her into the bar. 

~*~

I deposited Setsuna on the floor and looked around. She promptly scrambled to her feet and gripped my shoulders, peering around me cautiously. A frightening tableau lay in front of us. Every head turned to look at us, and what a set of heads they were. A woman with orange spiked hair, wearing leather, manned the bar. Those sitting at said bar all gawked at us with glittering eyes. They had an amazing assortment of hair colors and styles, tattoos, leather outfits in various states of there and not there, but each of them was terrifying. These girls would have frightened even the most seasoned of dominatrix. And they weren't exactly exciting and intriguing, like the kind of bondage women you saw in the magazines and books. They were more like back-alley material. But the worst part of it was the silence. It was so quiet you could hear water dripping somewhere.

I started to back up, pushing Setsuna towards the door with my body, never taking my eyes off the clientele. "Eh heh…we…were…just…leaving…yeah." With a smooth motion of my behind, I knocked Setsuna backwards out the door and scurried out after her. Once the door was shut safely behind me, I leaned against it and wiped sweat from my forehead. "Wow, they were a motley crew, weren't they? I always wondered what mid-afternoon was like in those places." 

Setsuna, sitting on her bum in the dust, leaned against my legs in defeat. "I'm swearing off bars permanently." 

~*~

On our way home, I was feeling bleak. I had the feeling that Seiya Kou was going to be a regular presence for the rest of our lives. But then I spotted a sign for a car wash. "Setsuna! I have one more lesson to teach you before we call it a day. And you even get to be a femme this time!"

Setsuna gave a slight snore. She had dropped off to sleep and I hadn't noticed because her sunglasses covered her eyes. "Hey!" I jabbed her. "Pay attention when your teacher is teaching!"

She jolted awake and whipped out a hand, which caught me solidly upside the head. 

"Oww!" I decided to stop being so bossy.

~*~

Later, after another change of clothes and lecture from Michiru - "Haruka! How could you take her to an S&M bar? Honestly!" - we were back on the road. The car wash turned out to be run by a group of middle school girls, so I figured they could use a little help with advertising.

Soon enough, I was standing out by the road, a sign that read "Cheap Car Wash" in my hands. "Come one, come all to the car wash! And don't forget to say hi to Miss Ferrari 2003! She's available!" I gestured to my car, which was parked behind me. Setsuna, wearing a sash that said "Miss Ferrari 2003" was likewise parked on the hood. In a bikini. And pigtails. This was _Lesson Four: Everybody Likes A Girl In A Bikini_. And my God was she attracting attention!

Setsuna seemed a bit shy, but she sure was cute. We soon had a steady stream of cars pulling into the parking lot behind us where the little middleschoolers were eager to please. I secretly hoped they were making a note of this brilliant sales tactic for the future.

I was delighted to see a group of girls gathering in front of me. My lessons were finally working! There were a thousand cute girls to choose from. "Look at all the girls, Setsuna! Wave at them!" I turned to look at Setsuna, but she was turned the other way. "What on earth…" I excused myself from the girls who swooned at me, and headed over to the car. 

Setsuna was sitting there, staring at a pack of drooling guys who were staring right back at her. Half of them were eagerly writing down their phone numbers and waving them at her. I made a run at them. "Hey you little punks! Get out of here!" I waved my arms like a mad-woman.

"Ahem." Someone tapped me on the shoulder.

"What is it, Suna-chan?" I asked impatiently.

"Haruka…" Setsuna was now being helped off the car by one of the guys. "Look behind you."

I turned around. A tall muscular man, obviously in charge of the middleschoolers was glaring down at me, tapping one foot, wanting to know the meaning of this hoopla at his car wash. I smiled guiltily. "Heh, heh." I then put my fingers in my mouth and gave a loud whistle. "LESSON OVER! SCATTER!"

It was pandemonium. Boys and girls were running all around, tripping over schoolgirls and banging into the shocked Mr. Authority. Setsuna, barely grabbing her kimono, was dragged one way and I made for the car. I sped towards our designated emergency meeting spot, hoping she would forgive me for this.

Now that I was safe, I was cheerful. I made for the pavilion in the park, waving a piece of paper in my hand. "Setsuna! I have the phone number of a really cute girl who wants to take us both out to dinn-" My jaw dropped open.

Setsuna was sitting in the pavilion, kissing the guy who had helped her away from the mob. I jumped from one foot to the other a couple of times, pointing in disbelief. "And who is THAT?" 

Setsuna shrugged. "Old friend."

"But that's a boy!"

Setsuna shrugged again, but her eyes betrayed laughter. "Who ever said I was a lesbian?"

"But you…kissing…bedroom…Seiya…ARG! You drive me crazy!"

I then stomped off into the sunset, hoping that maybe, just maybe, Michiru could explain it to me.

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FOOTNOTES: 

* Just another happy sitcom reference.

** Setsuna seems to be the chosen victim when it comes to dress-up time as seen in Chapters 12 and 16. 

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Next time…

I'd really like to do a Halloweenish adventure, but I don't know if I can get one done in a week. Please forgive me if it's a little late. Join us next time for Michiru-antics, some unfortunate Cardcaptor Sakura, and possibly even an exorcism! See you then!

~Lady Grizabella

setsuna_haruka_michiru@yahoo.com


	19. Happy Halloween! Haruka Is An Exorcist

Note: At one point in this chapter, Haruka emulates a movie that has a Christian (or is it Catholic?) theme to it. And since she _is_ copying a movie, no one should take any offense to any Christian symbols in this chapter. It's just used to bring the humor of Haruka parodying something to the story. 

Also, I've put URLs to images throughout the story. I don't normally like to employ the use of author notes in the middle of the story, but in this case I have in favor of showing everyone what costumes the characters are wearing at what time. I hope it adds to your enjoyment of the chapter and doesn't take much away! As always, please copy, paste, and take the spaces out of the URLs to view them in your browser. 

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****

Happy Halloween! Haruka Is An Exorcist

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"WHAHAHAHA!" I leapt into the kitchen wearing one of those masks from the movie _Scream_.

Michiru, who was dumping candy out into a basket, jumped a mile. "Haruka, don't do that! You scared me half to death!"

I spoke in a deep frightening voice. "There is no Haruka. There is only Deaaaaath…" I gave my most convincing death rattle and wiggled my fingers at Michiru.

She chose to ignore me. "You know this is why I'm not fond of Halloween. I have to put up with all of you jumping out at me all day. Hotaru already got me twice in the hallway…with that very same mask."

I pouted. I had wanted to be original.

At about this time, Setsuna showed up in the kitchen. She had her hair in a ponytail and wore the outfit of a swordswoman. "What are you supposed to be?" I asked. Setsuna and Seiya were taking Hotaru trick-or-treating, which usually made for an interesting display.

"I'm Motoko from _Love Hina_," Setsunasaid. "And Hotaru's going as Shinobu. And I wouldn't laugh at us, if I were you." She fingered the long wooden sword that hung at her side.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Setsuna's Costume: www.angelfire.com / art2 / griddlebone / images / setsuna_motoko.jpg

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"Geeze, point taken! You have her character down really well. And what's Seiya going as? Keitaro?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Seiya's Costume??: www.angelfire.com / art2 / griddlebone / images / keitaro.jpg 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Setsuna rolled her eyes. "Seiya is going as herself. She refused to behave and dress-up."

Hotaru suddenly bounded into the kitchen. "See?" she chirped. "I'm Shinobu when she dressed up as the little match girl!" She twirled around.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hotaru's Costume: www.angelfire.com / art2 / griddlebone / images / hotaru_shinobu.jpg 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"You did a wonderful job on the costumes, Suna," Michiru praised. "But I should head out to the front room to greet the trick-or-treaters. You two have fun! And Haruka…put the mask away and _try_ to behave yourself?" 

I had been in the process of sneaking up behind Michiru, once again wearing the mask. I pouted, stomped my foot, and stalked towards my bedroom. Maybe I could at least figure out a way to really scare Hotaru and Setsuna when they got back.

~*~

When I headed back to the living room to see if I could sneak some candy, Michiru was standing in the middle of the room with a dreamy look on her face, not moving at all. She was also wearing this bizarre pink party dress that a child of eight or nine might have worn, complete with little white socks and black Mary Janes.

"What happened to the trick-or-treaters?" I asked. I then noticed that she had a small clear crystal hanging around her neck on a chain. It was so tiny it was hard to notice unless the light caught it just right. "Hey, where'd you get that? I've never seen it before. It's pretty."

As she suddenly seemed to acknowledge my presence, her head snapped around – a full one hundred eighty degrees, that is – on her neck. She smiled at me.

I jumped backwards and pressed myself against the wall in shock. "Good lord!"

By now her head seemed fully normal and she was still alive, but I swear her head had rotated to that really unnatural angle. Now she ran over to me, planted her feet firmly and shoved her hand towards me to shake. "My name is Michi!" she chirped. "What's yours?" 

"Uhhh…"

"Do you want to play with me?" she pressed.

A lightbulb turned on in my head. "Ohh, I get it. The dress, the little kid innocent voice, those kawaii schoolgirl Mary Janes…this is one of those kinky games, right? But I dunno…if you had dressed up as a High School girl, maybe, but the party dress-WHAA!" 

Michiru had just grabbed me by the arm and was now dragging me up the little staircase to the attic. "Hey, wait, I can walk myself, you know!"

In response, Michiru scooped me up in her arms and carried me like a baby doll. "Time to get little Ruka all dressed up for tea!"

It was about this time I realized that we were in trouble. No one had _ever_ carried me as if I weighed nothing, and Michiru would have been the last to do it. I opened up my lungs and started to yell. "HEEELP!"

~*~

When the others returned home, I met them at the door…dressed in an outfit completely identical to one of Cardcaptor Sakura's.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Haruka's Tea Costume: www.angelfire.com / art2 / griddlebone / images / haruka_sakura.jpg

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"Good lord!" exclaimed Setsuna. "I don't even remember making that. That _is_ scary." 

I held out both arms and tried to block the way. "No…go back the way you came! Setsuna, take Hotaru and run! Just get away as fast as you can!"

"What on earth is going on?" asked the perplexed Seiya who had come up behind them with Hotaru's candy bag.

"Don't be ridiculous, Haruka. Hotaru and I have every intention of coming in, making dinner, and eating candy all night long. We're not going to run around in the dark and cold just because you're being your bizarre self." She pushed past me.

She was the first one that Michiru spotted. "Ooo, a cute little Kendo girl!" She ran at Setsuna, arms outstretched.

Setsuna, horrified at the prospect of being hugged by some pink creature and probably not even comprehending that it was Michiru, drew the wooden sword in alarm.

Michiru, not phased in the slightest, grabbed the sword right out of Setsuna's hand and started swinging it violently. "Yay, a sword!" she giggled.

Setsuna, completely freaked out, ran for me with Michiru on her heels swinging the weapon. I grabbed Setsuna, and knowing full well that Michiru intended to knock her with the sword, turned my back so that it was exposed instead. As I let Michiru whap on my back with the sword, Setsuna muttered, "Can I change my mind about taking Hotaru and fleeing?"

Speaking of Hotaru, Michiru gave a delighted yell as she spotted her and proceeded to chase her around the house, which gave us a few moments to talk.

"Is that really Michiru?" asked Seiya.

"Actually, that's _Michi_. Or so she says." 

Setsuna seemed floored. Michiru never referred to herself as Michi, even though she allowed the rest of us to call her that.

"And while we're on the subject of odd changes, did I forget to mention that Michiru now seems to be possessed by the spirit of a very strong, sadistic little girl?"

Seiya crossed her arms. "Yes, I think you did."

About this time, Hotaru galloped back into the front room and threw herself at Setsuna, who held her. "What happened to Michi?" Hotaru asked, her eyes wide. "Make her stop!"

"Do you want me to stop time?" Setsuna asked me.

"Try to remember that you'll be punished if you do that," I reminded her.

"Ah, yes…punishment." Setsuna smiled slightly.

I sweatdropped. "I don't even want to know."

Michiru, who was once again in the room, stomped her foot impatiently. "Play with me!"

We all scattered. The battle was short. Michiru took out Setsuna and Hotaru in the hallway and shut them in the hall closet. She then caught up to Seiya on the front walk outside and dragged her up towards the attic. Meanwhile, I didn't get very far either, as I wasn't about to leave the house in the Cardcaptor Sakura outfit.

~*~

"Would you care for some tea?" Michiru tipped imaginary tea into Setsuna's cup.

"I always wondered what happened to my old tea set," remarked Hotaru as she messed with the little sugar bowl. "But I never imagined I'd be playing with it again, and in a Cardcaptor Sakura outfit to boot."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hotaru's Tea Costume: www.angelfire.com / art2 / griddlebone / images / hotaru_sakura.jpg

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I want to leave now," Seiya grumbled as she sipped imaginary tea under Michiru's watchful gaze.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Seiya's Tea Costume: www.angelfire.com / art2 / griddlebone / images / seiya_sakura.jpg

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Me too," said Setsuna.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Setsuna's Tea Costume: www.angelfire.com / art2 / griddlebone / images / setsuna_sakura.jpg

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I leaned over towards them and whispered, "I think I may have an idea. I saw a movie about this kind of thing. I should be able to help her."

"What are you going to do?" whispered Setsuna. 

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it. You guys just distract the little princess for a few minutes."

They all looked at each other and shrugged before breaking into the most amusing routine. "Ooo, Michi, let me brush your hair!" cooed Setsuna.

"Yes, and I'll have some more tea," added Seiya, conveniently blocking Michiru's view of me.

Hotaru just jumped around like a spaz, which caused even further distraction. The whole thing was so funny I didn't really want to leave. But I still made for the hallway as fast as I could. I figured Michiru was overwhelmed by the attention for the moment, but my lack of presence wouldn't go unnoticed forever.

~*~

"Ahem." I cleared my throat. "Michi, I have a new game for you to play."

The others just gawked at me. "You're dressed as a priest," Seiya finally said. "Where do you get all this wacky stuff?"

I straitened my little stiff collar. "Setsuna has everything you could possibly imagine in her bedroom. Anyway, come here, Michi, and we'll play the game."

Michiru ran at me, and due to her heightened strength, she hit me like a locomotive and wrapped her arms tightly around my waist. 

"UGH! Okay…good girl. You just sit here and you'll be back to normal in no time."

Michiru scrambled onto the sofa and kicked her legs happily. "Fun."

As the others gathered around to watch, I pulled out an ornate gothic cross and held it in front of Michiru. "Spirit, be gone! Come out of her!" I shook the cross at her. "_The power of Christ compels you_!" 

Setsuna raised her hand.

I looked at her. "Yes?"

She pointed at the cross. "But what if you're Shinto or Buddhist, or something?"

"Yeah," added Seiya. "What if you celebrate the Kinmokuian Star God?" We all looked at her and she colored. "_What_?" 

I sighed. "All of them would work just as well. But I don't know how to perform an exorcism in Shinto or any other religion. Besides, this was how they did it in the movie." I went back to it. * "Out, I say, Demon! Back from whence you came!"

Michiru twirled her hair and giggled. "You're so silly!"

Setsuna narrowed her eyes at me. "This is all very amusing, but…"

"Oh, ye of little faith. I have another idea. This usually works even better." I pulled a little bottle of clear liquid out of my pocket. "This is genuine Holy Water. This will really freak out the demon child and bring Michiru back."

Hotaru stepped forward and dipped her finger into the bottle. Upon licking her finger, she shrugged. "It tastes like tap water."

"But this is hooooly tap water," I insisted.

"Haruka, you buy way too much junk from mail order catalogues." 

I shot our cranky Time God a look. I then turned back to Michiru. "Okay, honey, try this on for size!" I dumped the water over her head. 

Michiru blinked and looked down at her dress. "Hey…you got my pretty dress all wet! You're mean!" She swiped a hand out and swatted my arm. What normally would have been a measly pat from a regular child was like a turbo slug from possessed Michiru. I flew several feet through the air and landed on my bum with a thump.

Meanwhile, whether or not the water had actually been Holy, it sure had upset the spirit. But I personally think she was more upset about her dress being ruined than anything. Michiru had now levitated off the sofa and was balling like an angry toddler. Setsuna had cautiously moved forward and was now hugging the wet and distraught 'Michi'. "There, there…I'm sure your dress will dry soon." 

"She's so MEAN!" Michiru cried.

"Yes, I think she is too."

I rubbed my bum with one hand. "Thanks very much, all of you!"

At this point, Setsuna stared hard at Michiru's chest, which was right at her eye level due to the levitation aspect, glared, and then looked at me. "What's that around her neck?"

"I have no idea. She must have put it on when she changed into the dress. But it's pretty, isn't it?"

"You mean to tell me that the arrival of this necklace corresponded with Michi's transformation?" Setsuna shook her head. "Sometimes you're just so thick." She reached up, pulled the necklace off of Michiru's head, and tossed it to me. "Was that so hard? Get rid of it somewhere and let's have dinner." She stalked out of the room.

"Hey, wait…Suna! What about my exorcism!" 

Michiru, who had lowered back to earth, was sitting on the sofa rubbing her teary eyes. "Why am I all wet? And what was I crying about?"

Hotaru, Seiya, and I all gawked at each other for a moment before breaking into a jumbled explanation of what had happened, all with various degrees of exaggeration. Once Michiru was firmly convinced that she had breathed fire and went flying around Tokyo, Hotaru finally asked the question we were all wondering: Where had she gotten the necklace to start with?

"A little girl gave it to me when she came to the door for trick-or-treat. I guess it used to be hers, but her mother told her to get rid of it at the first house she went to."

"Some mom," I snorted. "Who would have their kid give such a dangerous piece of equipment to a stranger?" 

"A mom who's tired of her kid hitting her with a wooden sword, I would guess," said Seiya.

"But what are we going to do with it now?" asked Michiru. "It seems like a bad idea to keep it laying around the house. All we need is for Usagi or Chibi-Usa to spot it. Can you imagine what it would be like in their hands?"

Setsuna walked back into the room. "You're _all_ thick." She took the necklace from me, looked up at the ceiling where a time portal had just whooshed open, and tossed the crystal up into it. "There. I know exactly where it is now and no one can find it but me. Can we eat?" 

I threw an arm around her shoulders. "Absolutely. Happy Halloween, you cranky old thing!" 

Setsuna and I started to head to the kitchen, Hotaru and Seiya right behind us, when Michiru suddenly started to laugh. "Um, Ruka?" She laughed even harder.

I turned. "Hmm?"

"I'm sorry," she gasped. "But it's just…what are you all _wearing_?"…

************************************************************************

FOOTNOTES:

* The movie that Haruka is trying to emulate is, of course, _The Exorcist_. But I haven't seen it in ages, so I hope it's not _too_ incorrect. Not that Haruka knows what she's doing anyway. lol 

************************************************************************


	20. Stupid Elevator! Haruka And The Kaiohs S...

__

Well, I tried to write a birthday adventure for Haruka to actually be done **on** her birthday, but it took longer than I thought it would. Oh well, here it is. Haruka's Birthday Special! I also usually don't use the suffixes, or whatever they're called, such as "chan" and "san", but I tried to in this chapter to show some respect towards Michiru's parents without calling them Mr. and Mrs. Kaioh. I hope the suffixes are used fairly correctly. Again, I'm not one hundred percent sure about any of this, and that's why I don't use it often. I only know about five words of Japanese! lol

************************************************************************

****

Stupid Elevator! Haruka And The Kaiohs Spend A Birthday Together

************************************************************************

I was going to be turning twenty-three on January 27th, and I was looking forward to a nice leisurely day. I planned on watching races on television all morning, a nice long nap all afternoon, and then pizza and movies with the girls all night. 

Upon hearing my ideas for my special day, Setsuna decided it would be fun, but Michiru was too worried to give much of an opinion. With the dawn of the New Year, Michiru was absolutely sure, as she was every year, that Crystal Tokyo time was at hand, and she was treating it as the apocalypse. She had been searching the house for containers to fill with water for days, and buying way too much canned food. Luckily we had Setsuna to eat all that junk when Michiru discovered that, yet again, the world was not ending. Still, January was always an odd month for her. "How can you even _think_ about birthdays?" she demanded. "We're going to be going through a dramatic life-change any minute, and we need to be prepared!"

I rested my chin on the kitchen table where I had slumped. "The last life-change I went through was when I discovered that I got butterflies in my stomach when I looked at little Mao Kimura in the shower in gym class when I was twelve. I don't plan on having another one until I hit menopause."

For some reason Setsuna, who was skulking nearby, started to laugh. Michiru hid a smile as well. "All right. I'll try my best to relax. Your ideas sound nice."

~*~ 

The day before my birthday, Michiru appeared in the doorway of our room where I was snuggled up under the covers with a book. "Sweetie?"

I grinned. "What's up?"

"Well…" Michiru took a couple of steps into the room and fidgeted uncharacteristically. "I have some bad news about your birthday."

"Oh? Does this have anything to do with extra batteries for Crystal Tokyo Day?"

She shook her head. "Worse. My parents called and they insisted on…"

I froze. "On what?"

She winced and spit the words out very fast. "Ontakingyououttodinnerforyourbirthday!" She cowered as if waiting for a sudden blow.

"Michi!!" I wailed. "That's not fun!"

"I couldn't say no!" she cried. "They'll be here tomorrow and we're going to that new expensive restaurant in downtown Tokyo with the multiple stories. The top floor is made entirely of glass. I guess we're eating up there so we can see the skyline."

"But why are they doing this?" I whined. "I can pretty much count on us having to go out with them every year in March for _your_ birthday, but why _mine_?" 

"Daddy's coming into town for business, so we would have had to do it anyway. I just feel bad that it's happening on the twenty-seventh. I'm sorry." She looked at me glumly.

I couldn't stand to see Michiru upset. "Hey, it'll be fine. It's just dinner, and then we can come home and watch movies and have a sleepover like we planned. Maybe the Inners can even come over too. And it's not your fault, anyway. We have to see your parents when they come into town."

"Kaioh…Pa..Parents…?"

We both turned and saw Setsuna standing in the doorway, shivering.

"We have to go out to dinner with my mom and dad tomorrow," Michiru explained.

"Kaioh Parents!" Setsuna ran like hell and shut herself in her room as if the Kaiohs were already beating down the door.

Michiru shook her head. "Honestly, they're a bit difficult but they're not _that_ bad." 

As for me, I kind of had to agree with Setsuna. 

~*~

The next day, I sat on the couch in my suit and tie, waiting for my birthday to start. At least the racing and napping portion of my day had gone well. As for the rest of my evening, I couldn't say. The suit and tie part was, however, a big drag.

Setsuna sat next to me, silent as death, in a pretty sweater and skirt set. She was looking forward to this as much as I was. At least she didn't have the uncomfortable position of being Michiru's significant other, even though she was plenty weird enough to make the Kaioh Parents wonder just what was going on in her head.

I won't go into great detail about what Michiru's parents were like, as they're pretty much the same in every story like this. Her father was a successful businessman and her mother was the ultimate businessman's wife. They were very wealthy and strict and fairly traditional. They were the kind of parents who believed that children should be well educated, respectful, and play violin at a very young age. Thus, we have Michiru.

Strangely enough, they seemed to have accepted the fact that their daughter liked women, but I was still out of favor half the time for not being "good enough" for their little girl. Who cared that I was a good racer? It was a dangerous sport that was bound to leave their daughter a widow.

Setsuna didn't have much to fear except for a thousand questions about her future plans for school, career, marriage, children, and so on. Enough to make anyone flinch, I thought.

Michiru herself didn't always like seeing her parents, as they often made her feel like she wasn't reaching that level of perfection that all Kaiohs aspire to. She didn't practice enough, paint enough, and her hair had that odd aquamarine tint that most people found flattering, but Michiru's mother could have done without. 

Basically, the Kaioh Parents liked us, but we really didn't know why.

****

6:00 pm

The start of the evening was fairly uneventful. The Kaiohs - Yuuta-san and Tomoko-san - arrived, hugged their daughter, wished me good health, and promptly inquired about Setsuna's classes, wondering if she had met any nice young men. Since no one wanted to try and figure out just what the heck her relationship with Seiya Kou was, we tried to make the stopover at our house fairly brief. 

****

6:30 pm

Once we made it through the ride to the restaurant in the Kaioh's fashionable expensive car (adults in the front, kids in the back), Michiru pulled Setsuna off for customary nose powdering in the bathroom. I was about to announce that I, indeed, could go for a nose powder, when Yuuta-san put one hand on my shoulder and told the girls that he, Tomoko-san, and I would proceed to the elevator and head on up to the top floor out of the drafty entrance lobby. After giving the girls a look of pure fear, I followed Michiru's parents into the elevator.

Yuuta-san pushed the button for the topmost floor. "So, Haruka-chan, any thoughts on what you will do someday to earn a good living for Michiru-chan?"

I pulled on my collar and tried not to look like I was counting the floors. "Well, Sir, I work at a garage right now. I'm very interested in mechanics and automotives."

He nodded. "Yes, a hobby is a respectable endeavor. But you would do better to look into a career in business or perhaps computers. It would bring your family much pride and honor."

I knew that many families were concerned with honor and such, but my family wasn't really one of them. I was vaguely reminded of that Disney movie that Hotaru and Setsuna liked - _Mulan_. I had a mental picture of the Huns invading the elevator so I could do honorable combat and save China…Japan…Asia in general. I stifled a giggle. Instead I asked, "Isn't this elevator taking a long time?"

It suddenly occurred to us that we had stopped, but the door had not opened. "Oh dear," said Tomoko-san in a slightly weary voice, and pressed one hand to her forehead. I tried not to smile again. I always wondered where Michiru picked that up.

Yuuta-san pushed the button again…and then several more times. "I believe it's stuck."

I shivered. I didn't like the idea of being trapped between floors. I had never really considered myself to be claustrophobic, but this wasn't much fun. "What should we do?" I asked timidly.

Yuuta-san, as the man of the elevator, took charge. "We will just push the emergency button and they'll have us out of here in no time."

Once this was done, we all turned to face the front. As we stood looking at the motionless doors, Yuuta-san glanced at his watch. "Any minute now."

****

6:50 pm

We continued to face the front in silence. Yuuta-san checked his watch again. "They'll be here any second."

****

7:10 pm

We sat on the floor, having grown tired of standing. "Another cracker, dear?" Tomoko-san asked me, handing over the package that she kept in her purse in case of emergencies.

"Thank you, Ma'am."

Silence. 

After finishing his cracker and making sure he hadn't dropped a single crumb, Yuuta-san addressed me. "Where do you buy your shoes…?"

****

7:20 pm

I was crouched in the corner of the elevator, whispering into my communicator. "Michi, can you hear me? What's going on out there?"

Michiru's face appeared on the little screen. "Don't worry, Love! The workmen are trying to get the elevator moving. They'll have you out soon. Oh, you're being so brave!"

"Well…" I glanced over at the Kaiohs, who were watching me suspiciously. 

"Poor dear must be going a bit crazy," whispered Tomoko-san, leaning towards her husband, never taking her eyes off me.

I turned back to my communicator. "They're starting to look at me like I'm deranged. They think I'm talking to myself." 

"Well, don't worry. They'll get you out soon."

"How are you and Setsuna?" I asked. I felt bad that my dinner was going like this. The girls didn't even have Tomoko-san's crackers.

"I'm fine, and Setsuna…well, I don't know where she is." Michiru pressed her hand to her forehead.

I shook my head. Fabulous. I was stuck in an elevator and Setsuna was missing. Hopefully she had the sense to at least go ahead and get something to eat, wherever she was. "I'll see you soon, I hope," I said to Michiru and clicked off my communicator. I slumped back against the side of the elevator and tried to defend myself. "Cell phone," I explained. "Michiru says they're trying to get us out."

The Kaiohs looked a little relieved that I hadn't gone crazy. "That's wonderful news," said Tomoko-san.

****

7:30 pm

"Okay, I spy with my little eye…something blue."

"Is it my shoes?" asked Tomoko-san.

"She already spied that, dear," Yuuta-san reminded her. He then rubbed his hands together eagerly. "Is it my tie?"

I nodded. "You guessed it, Sir. You're very good at this game."

He smiled. "You should see me play Tic-tac-toe!" He studied us and the rest of the elevator. "Let's see…I spy with my little eye, something-"

There was a thump from up above us. 

We all jumped slightly and looked up. "Hello? Who is up there?" demanded Yuuta-san.

I bit my lip. I had a bad feeling about this. "I hope no one's going to do anything…stupid." 

"Dead….SCREAM!!!!!!!"

The ceiling of the elevator turned a vivid purple and the whole thing vibrated violently. Funny thing is, Pluto normally whispered her attack, but today she hollered it like she was in a bad dub or something. As if she was really relishing it. Then came the sound of a yell, as if her giant purple planet had just rebounded off the top of the elevator and knocked her off her feet. Then came the stream of profanity. Then there was nothing.

"Do you have any idea who that was?" the shaken Yuuta-san asked me.

I shook my head. "Not a clue," I lied. 

****

8:00 pm

We had started to believe that we were never going to get out of the elevator alive, or at least the Kaiohs had. I could see where Michiru picked up her fear of the end of the world. Yuuta-san had retreated to the far corner of the elevator and was lost in his own thoughts. Meanwhile, Tomoko-san had gathered me into her arms and was rocking me slightly. "Everything will be fine, Haruka-chan." I supposed she was trying to be comforting, but her voice had a teary waver. I, meanwhile, was trying to ignore the fact that my head was pressed so close to my "mother-in-law's" breasts.

At this point, and without warning, the lights went out and we were plunged into total darkness. Fully expecting the elevator to fall and crash, I started to scream, as did the Kaiohs. Tomoko-san clutched me in a deathgrip and I shamelessly clutched right back. Then there was a bright white light that flooded over us. "Don't go into the light, Haruka-chan!" Tomoko-san cried. 

A dark silhouette appeared in the light. "An angel!" I gasped, figuring we had crashed and died.

"Very flattering, but still not much of an explanation." Michiru gawked down at us. "Mother…Daddy…what are you three _doing_?" 

We three were huddled up together with our arms clasped firmly around each other. I hadn't even realized Yuuta-san had moved over to us. He quickly let go, stood up, and cleared his throat. "Er, nothing."

Tomoko-san picked herself up, brushed off her skirt, and headed out of the elevator. "Shall we eat then, Michiru-chan?"

Once the Kaiohs were on their way to the stairwell to climb the remainder of the way to the top floor, I looked up at Michiru from where I still sat on the floor of the elevator. "Has anyone ever told you your parents are kooked?"

Michiru grabbed my hand and helped pull me up. "Well, no. But then no one has ever been stuck in an elevator with them before."

As I walked shakily from the elevator, I grasped Michiru's hand and then Setsuna's, who had just joined us. "You know though, I'm not going to get on you about supplies for Crystal Tokyo anymore. I think it's best to be prepared. After all, we'd hate to have to rely on Setsuna to save the day." I smiled evilly. 

Setsuna glowered at me from under the big purple blotch on the side of her face. "Ha ha….."

************************************************************************

__

Next Time (Possibly): An old villain from the Black Moon family travels through time and space to visit…Setsuna?? Hope to see you next time!

~Lady Grizabella

setsuna_haruka_michiru@yahoo.com


	21. What Is That Annoying Laugh! A Blast Fro...

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I'd like to dedicate this one to Emerald from my message board, who came up with the general idea. Sorry it's so late!

****

What Is That Annoying Laugh?! A Blast From The Past

It was one of those afternoons at our house. Normal, boring, predictable. I was on the sofa, trying to look cute in hopes of gaining Michiru's attention. Michiru was flipping through a fashion magazine, successfully ignoring me. Setsuna was at the Time Gate, and as for everyone else…I had no idea. At least they weren't here, that's all I can say.

I decided to try out my feminine wiles by batting my eyelashes a little. "Michiiii…"

"No."

I flopped back against the sofa cushions. "Dang-it." I then heard the familiar whoosh of a time portal. "Good. Setsuna's coming home. Maybe _she'll_ play with me."

Michiru didn't take her eyes from her magazine. "Good luck."

The portal opened in the ceiling, but rather than Pluto spilling out haphazardly like she usually did, only her head and shoulders came through. Her head was turned around, yelling at something that was still in the portal. "Let me go!"

Michiru and I jumped up and looked at her oddly. "What's wrong?" I asked, a bit alarmed.

"Help me!" she cried, extending her arms towards us.

I grabbed one of her arms and Michiru took the other.

Pluto yelled into the portal again. "Let _go_!" She appeared to be trying to kick her legs quite hard.

"Pull!" I ordered, and Michiru and I started to tug. Whatever was hanging on to Pluto was quite heavy and apparently not giving up.

"I'm afraid I'm going to pull her arm out of the socket!" Michiru exclaimed, already putting most of her weight on one of Pluto's fragile little arms.

"I know, but her suit is starting to tear!" I had already thought to grab the back of her sailor suit and pull on that, but the last thing we wanted was for her to be naked and stuck in a Time Portal…although I bet we could have charged good money for viewing.

Finally, she started to slowly pull free.

"Just a little…mmh…more!" I leaned back so that all of my weight was on Pluto. With a pop, she came flying out of the portal and knocked into me with the force of a small torpedo. "UGH!"

Michiru went flying off to the side and I went down hard under Pluto. I groaned. "I get it. It's a running gag sort of thing. Every time something comes out of a Time Portal it lands on me. Haha. Funny."

"Haruka, there's a strange woman here!" Michiru exclaimed.

Pluto was suddenly pulled off of me, and I scrambled backwards on my butt in surprise.

Pluto was being hugged violently by a woman with long emerald green hair, wearing an emerald green dress, with an emerald green fan lying by her feet. She had her cheek pressed against Pluto's, her eyes closed in happiness. "My sister!"

Pluto, meanwhile, was struggling for all she was worth.

Michiru gawked at the emerald woman who had dared to enter her domain. "And you are…?"

The emerald woman opened her eyes but didn't release Pluto. "Emerald."

I couldn't help but snort. "No, really."

She glared slightly. "My name is Emerald!"

Michiru and I looked at each other and started to snicker like bitchy schoolgirls. "Really, we should have guessed," I said, half-blinded by all the green.

"Can you let go of me now?" Pluto asked breathlessly.

Emerald obeyed. "Sorry, sister-dear. I was just so excited to see you!"

"Is someone going to explain this to us?" I demanded.

The woman suddenly seemed to notice me for the first time. She blinked and blushed and pulled Pluto close to her. "Who is that?" she whispered, not taking her eyes off of me.

I sweatdropped. I knew that look.

"That's Haruka," said Pluto.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"Um…Michiru's." Pluto didn't bother to correct my gender. It wouldn't make much difference anyway.

Emerald stepped forward. "Well, that's no problem." She headed over to me, pushing Michiru out of her way as she went. My Michi landed on the couch with a surprised yelp.

Once Emerald was in front of me, I narrowed my eyes. "I don't like pushy women."

"What happened to Diamond?" asked Pluto, who was gently patting the sputtering Michiru on the back.

Emerald sniffed. "Dating Rubeus."

Pluto wrinkled her nose. "Eeeeew."

Emerald reached out and ran a finger down my chest (apparently too dim to notice the tell-tale lumps) and smiled. "So…"

Michiru made a very strangled sound in her throat, fire blazing in her eyes. She couldn't seem to form words, so I made an attempt, nonchalantly removing Emerald's grasping fingers from my behind. "None of this means anything to me. Excuse me, but…who the hell are you?"

Pluto sighed. "She's an old villain of ours. She and her 'family' tried to take over Crystal Tokyo, but Sailor Moon and the Inners, with the help of Chibi-Usa, came to me at the Time Gate, and I sent them into the future so they could defeat the bad guys and save Crystal Tokyo and the present as well, only to come back to continue on as they were until Hotaru decided to raise hell and I resurrected you fine people." Pluto suddenly realized that she was basically the reason we existed at all and spent several moments staring at me strangely, but that's beside the point.

Emerald nodded. "To make a short story long, that's about right. But now I'm alive again, and I'm back! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

We all covered our ears accordingly.

"And ready to mate, I see," Michiru muttered through her teeth. She grasped Pluto by the arm. "I want her OUT of my house!"

Emerald glared haughtily at my lover. "I'm staying here with my sister and the dreamboat. _You_ leave." She tossed her hair.

"How _dare_ you!" Michiru reached into her pocket for her transformation pen.

"Bring it on!" Emerald snapped, reaching for her fan.

"Hold it, ladies!" I stood between them, and they both grasped hold of my arms possessively and started a glaring contest. I flinched and tried to shake them off, feeling like I needed a little bit of space. I appealed to Pluto, who was barely paying attention, having become distracted by the swaying pendulum of the grandfather clock. "Um…princess? Do you think you could try to stay in my reality for a few minutes before I lose you completely? We have a bit of a situation."

Pluto snapped out of her trance and shrugged. "I guess I'll show Emerald to Hotaru's old room. I don't think she's going to leave, at least not tonight." She pried Emerald's hand off of my arm and pulled her towards the hallway. "Come on, I'll show you where you can rest. You'll need your energy to pursue Haruka."

Once they had gone, I looked at Michiru. "She's gone. You can stop defending your territory now."

Michiru shook her head, her lips pursed, her grip not loosening.

"Really. You're aware of how much I love you, right?"

It still took several kisses and promises for the night to come to get Michiru to surrender my arm again. Even then all she would say is, "I want her OUT of my house!"

&&&&&&

Setsuna came out of Hotaru's room with a yawn. "What's for dinner?"

"Setsuna!" Michiru attacked her so quickly, she practically snatched Setsuna right off her feet.

Depositing her on the couch, we loomed over her with our arms crossed. "Okay, Setsuna…spill!" I said.

Setsuna shrunk back against the sofa, gazing worriedly up at us. "Are you going to steal my star seed?"

Michiru and I looked at each other and then back at our friend. "Oh boy…" I said. "You didn't die again, did you? You always act more and more dim every time you die and come back to life. Please tell me you didn't die?"

She shook her head. "No, but being in the same vicinity as Emerald will start to make you think you have. Sorry." She shook her head to clear it, trying to achieve enlightened Pluto consciousness. "This is bad. All I know is that I was on my way home in the portal and she attached herself to me. I knew who she was instantly, but it was too late to stop the transport. I don't know why she's alive again. My only guess is the same reason _I'm_ alive. She's been reborn again and again and again…"

I paled. "You're not telling me that _you're_ going to be like her if you keep dying? That _laugh_…"

Setsuna shrugged.

"I want her OUT of my house!" Michiru's contribution.

Setsuna continued. "So she was sucked through the time stream with me, and here she is. I don't know what she was doing in the stream. My guess is that someone stashed her there. The odd thing is that she thinks I'm her sister."

"Are you?" I asked. We were always trying to figure out just where Setsuna had come from originally.

"No. I think it's the hair. Her hair's green, and mine is almost green. Close enough."

"Huh." That's all I could think of to say.

&&&&&&

Until we could think of something better to do, we figured we would have to make the best of the situation. Setsuna tried to be a good hostess, which included making dinner (spaghetti, the one thing she had figured out how to make on her own), and renting a movie.

Michiru wanted nothing to do with any of it and shut herself in our bedroom, and I tried to keep a low profile as well. I know it was hard for Michiru to ignore her natural love for hostessing, but she would be quickly reminded that Emerald was no ordinary guest as the woman slunk by our door in an attempt to get my attention, which she repeated every half an hour. We were basically prisoners in our own room. Meanwhile, Setsuna was doing a champion job of entertaining the freaky woman on her own. She was, after all, Emerald's "sister", so it was really up to her.

"I don't even like the girl!" Setsuna would wail later whenever someone brought up the subject.

&&&&&&

Later that night, after Emerald finally stopped tormenting Setsuna with her laugh and went to bed, Michiru and I tried to settle down for the night. I turned off the lights and burrowed down under the covers with a sigh. Michiru curled up tight next to me and we closed our eyes, well on our way to dreamland.

After what felt like moments, I heard Michiru yell in surprise, followed by the sensation of someone wrapping her arms and legs firmly around me. I squeezed my eyes tight and prayed, "Please let it be Setsuna sleepwalking again…_please_ let it be Setsuna sleepwalking again…"

"Let's cuddle. Hahahahahahahahaha!"

"Why didn't you lock the door?" wailed Michiru from her place on the floor.

"I _did_!" I howled, struggling for all I was worth.

"I can't live like this!" sobbed Michiru.

In hopes of avoiding molestation, I managed to plant my feet against Emerald's stomach and pushed with all my might. She fell backwards onto the bed, giggling with delight. She must live for the pursuit.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA-AWK!!!"

There was a loud crack and Emerald instantly dropped to the floor like a rock. Michiru and I looked towards the dark figure sillouetted by the light from the hallway. "You killed her," I said.

Setsuna fidgeted uncomfortably, shifting the Time Staff from one hand to the other. "I didn't mean to hit her _that_ hard."

Michiru picked herself up from the floor. "I wouldn't worry. She's breathing. In fact, she looks pretty happy. I think it's going to take more than that to stop this…this…whatever she is."

I grabbed Michiru's hand. "Let's get out of here! We'll find a place to hide where she can't find us. She'll have to give up eventually and then maybe she'll go home."

&&&&&&

Not long after, the three of us were piled into the car and driving through the night. We weren't sure what our destination was, but for the moment it didn't seem to matter. Michiru was hoping for a nice hotel, but due to our sad monetary status, I was thinking that camping was more likely. Setsuna, meanwhile, fell asleep in the backseat, completely un-phased by the whole ordeal.

I was starting to feel groggy and tired of driving (which is saying something) when Michiru decided she needed a rest stop. I pulled into the parking lot of an all-night fast food restaurant and put the car in park. "I don't think I need to go. All I want to do is go to bed."

"You stay here with Setsuna and rest for a minute. There are a lot of people inside. I should be fine." Michiru didn't even bother opening the door of the convertible; she just climbed right over it and skipped inside. Apparently fleeing in the dead of night gave her energy, unlike those of our party in the backseat who just flipped over, snored, and slept on.

Minutes passed and I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel. "What on earth is she doing in there? Did she fall in?"

"Huzzat?...Mmh…Zzzzz…"

"You girls and your bathroom habits! Why can't you just be in-and-out about it for once?"

My communicator beeped. "Brilliant. What else can go wrong tonight?" I yawned and spoke into my communicator. "This is Uranus, fleeing in the night. Go."

"Hi cutie! Hahahahahaha!" Emerald's open mouth took up most of the view screen as she threw her head back and laughed.

I glared. "What are you doing with a communicator? Only we have communicators! You're going to have to find some other communication device, because I'm going to ignore you if you call again. Now go back where you came from and let us get on with our lives!" Emerald was pretty enough, but I really couldn't live with that laugh another minute.

Emerald smirked. "Where did I get the communicator? Ask your ex-girlfriend!" The laughing commenced as I smacked my forehead.

"Crap. Where is she, Emerald?"

She sobered up slightly. "Come to the Love-Love All-Night Wedding Chapel. It's just down the road several miles. You can't miss it. Bye-Byeeee!" She clicked off.

I sat for several seconds, pondering this. "Setsuna, when did we get to Vegas?"

"Are you getting married?" Setsuna sat up and rubbed her eyes.

"Not if I can help it."

She climbed over the front seat and settled herself next to me as we took off. After some moments of silence she ventured to ask, "Emerald isn't planning on marrying _Michiru_, is she?"

I smacked my forehead again and ran my hand down my face. "That would top this evening off nicely, wouldn't it?"

"Well, if Emerald does make one of you get married, you should at least let me go home and whip up a quick wedding dress for the bride…or brides. You shouldn't be married in your jeans." Setsuna nodded decidedly and gazed at the lights from the Vegas-like strip we were driving through. I, meanwhile, drove and tried not to hurt her.

&&&&&&

The Love-Love All-Night Wedding Chapel wasn't hard to find, as Emerald had noted. It was the most garishly lit-up building I'd ever seen, with huge neon glowing church bells and what seemed to be a geisha and a samurai made out of lights, getting married in their neon glory right there on the roof of the chapel. Setsuna gawked at it, apparently mesmerized by the horror. "Is that Elvis hiding under the geisha's kimono?"

"I don't want to know. Let's get inside, rescue Michiru, and get the hell out of here!" I hoisted myself over the car door and headed towards the chapel.

I burst inside the door, ignoring the confetti that fell down on my head. "Stop, you! Don't move! Tell me where Michiru is!" I demanded, pointing a finger at Emerald, who stood by the altar where a minister…or some guy willing to perform a wedding ceremony…waited.

Emerald, who was draped in a (green) wedding gown, uncrossed her arms long enough to point to the side. "She's there."

Michiru was sitting on one of the shockingly pink pews, bound and gagged. When she saw me, she struggled against her bonds, squeezing her eyes shut tight with the effort. I stared, letting my hentai fantasies take hold for a brief moment, before reaching into my coat pocket for my transformation pen. "Uranus Planet Power Ma-…!"

Emerald threw her fan at me like a boomerang and it struck me in the hand. "Oww!" The pen flew from my grasp and clattered across the floor. It came to rest next to a familiar aquamarine pen, which I figured had been lost in the same manner.

"Sorry cutie, but I don't feel like fighting tonight. Let's just stay together!" She clasped her hands and smiled happily. Then before I could move, she had pounced on me and started to pull me towards the altar.

I struggled for all I was worth, but as she had the heightened strength of her villainous status, and I couldn't transform, I didn't have much of a chance. I decided that if she was going to get me up there, she would have to physically drag me - across the floor on my butt.

"Stop, you!"

Emerald turned around in irritation. "Why does everyone keep saying that tonight?" Then she realized who it was. "Oh, Setsuna! Sister-dear! I'm so glad you could come for my wedding!" She wrapped her arms firmly around me and tried to lift me to my feet.

Setsuna quirked an eyebrow. "Emerald, do you realize that Haruka is a girl?"

Emerald looked down at me. "Oh."

I breathed a sigh of relief, but then gave a dry sob when the woman only held me tighter.

"It's not usually my preference," she said, "but for this hottie I think I can make an exception."

"Mfhhhh!" Michiru still hadn't stopped struggling.

While Emerald wrapped some rope around me to help deter my flailing arms and legs, Setsuna transformed. "Pluto Planet Power, Make-UP!" She took a step towards Emerald with her Time Staff lowered, but Emerald wasn't having any of it.

"Stay busy for a few minutes, sister-dear, while I finish preparing for the ceremony." She waved her fan towards Pluto and the worst thing that could have appeared did - a small clock with a swinging pendulum, hovering in the air, right in front of Pluto's face. Pluto's eyes grew large and gradually unfocused as the pendulum swayed back and forth…back and forth....

"Pluto, don't look!" I cried.

"Puuuuth!" came from Michiru.

"I'm…sor…ry…" said Pluto, her head moving slightly from side to side as she watched.

I gulped, rather alarmed at how easy it had been to take down the mighty Sailor Pluto. "And I thought only we knew that trick…"

Emerald grabbed me by my tightly tied arms and pulled me to my feet. "Let's get this wedding going!" She turned to the minister.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…"

There was a high pitched scream as Michiru threw herself from the pew onto the floor and landed with a thump.

"It's okay, love!" I called. "I won't let this-mmh!"

Emerald planted a hand over my mouth. "Get on with it!" she ordered the minister.

He continued, rubbing his hands together as if he saw this kind of thing all the time and was dreadfully excited by it, and soon enough we came to the vows. "Do you take this man to be your husband?" he asked Emerald.

"Nnnnnmh!" said Michiru, moving inch by inch along the floor like a caterpillar.

"I do," said Emerald. I tried to give her fingers a bite, but she only winced and gave my rear a smack. "Wait until later!" she admonished.

"And do you take this woman to be your wife?" the minister asked me.

"Mmmm, MM! (Hell, NO!)"

"She does," said Emerald, giving me a loving yet violent squeeze.

Pluto's eyes followed the clock, but one hand was moving slowly towards it with much effort.

"Then without further ado…"

Michiru screamed through her gag, the sign of Neptune appearing on her forehead.

"I now pronounce you…"

The clock shattered and Pluto sprang to her feet.

"Man and Wi-"

"Time STOP!"

Everything froze. I blinked and stepped away from the statue-like Emerald. Her hand was still in the air where she had been covering my mouth, and the minister's mouth was open in mid-word. Michiru was also motionless, and looking more frightening than I had ever seen her. She was pulsing with aquamarine light, and her bonds had frozen in a state of explosion. The power of her planet must have made them explode. I then looked at Pluto. "Oh, damn-it Setsuna!" I ran towards her, wiggling out of the ropes as I ran.

"Wait!" Michiru had unfrozen and I stopped in my tracks and looked at her. "Don't touch her!" she said.

Pluto looked strained and the Time Staff vibrated in her hands. She gasped for breath. "When I drop this and time starts again, throw me towards Emerald."

"Why?" I asked, my voice trembling.

"Be quick about it!" she gasped. She trembled and her fingers loosened.

"Suna!"

She dropped the staff, which hit the ground with a clank, before falling forward unconscious. Michiru ran and caught Pluto in her arms, hugging her tightly for a brief moment. Before she could buckle under Pluto's weight, she thrust Pluto towards the confused Emerald. "Catch!"

Emerald caught Pluto and the two of them disappeared in an instant. Michiru and I were left looking at each other in teary shock, and wondering what to tell the minister who looked like he could use a stiff drink.

&&&&&&

Michiru and I spent a quiet couple of weeks. After the wedding scare, we decided that having some alone time would be a good thing for our relationship, which had become even more lovey-dovey than before, if that were possible. But we missed having Setsuna around the house, and wondered if we were supposed to start mourning her passing.

"I wish someone would give us an estimated time frame for reincarnation," Michiru complained one day while studying herself in the bathroom mirror. "But I hope it's sooner than later. If she comes back in forty years as her perpetual twenty-one, and I look like an old bag, I'm going to be very uptight." She poked at the non-existent shadows under her eyes.

We were also dying to know where Setsuna had taken Emerald. We figured it was wherever Setsuna went when she died, as Emerald seemed to have come from the same place.

That evening we sat side by side on the couch, having our silent reading time. We were almost ready to turn in for the night when the front door flew open. We jumped up, startled out of our wits, and faced the door. The figure that stepped through planted her hands on her hips and grinned at us.

"Pluto!" Michiru cried, holding out her arms.

But then Pluto threw back her head and started to laugh, and a very familiar laugh it was.

We froze and shook our heads in disbelief. "No way…"

Michiru clutched my arm. "She's come back as…Emerald!"

I took a step backwards, holding Michiru tightly. "I knew someday she was going to crack once and for all! I knew it!"

Pluto stopped laughing and gazed evenly at us. "Kidding." She then headed off to her bedroom as if the whole thing had never happened.

I shook my head and looked at Michiru. "Let's just go to bed. It's been a hard month."


	22. Don't Do It, Michiru! A Short Holiday F

_Hi everyone! Look, I wrote a chapter! Anyway, this one is a little out of sequence, so it's kind of a stand-alone, as at the end of the last chapter we were in early spring and this is a holiday story. So if you wanted to put it anywhere, I would stick it right before the chapter about Haruka's birthday with the Kaiohs. Anyway, hope you like it!_

&&&&&&

**Don't Do It, Michiru! A Short Holiday Fable **

"Haruka!"

I turned my head from the television to look at Michiru. "What is it, love?"

My lover had her hands on her hips and a familiar scowl on her face. It was the look of death. The look that screamed, 'Haruka isn't behaving.' Michiru moved another foot towards me and I sunk just a little lower in the sofa. "Well?" demanded Michiru.

I took a risk. "Well what?"

Exasperated, Michiru threw up her hands. "Well, why aren't you helping? We have to get these Christmas lights up!"

I sighed. It had been like this all day. Michiru was very keen on celebrating Christmas, which wasn't really a bad thing. I figured we'd get each other some cute little presents and have some eggnog and a Christmas cake in front of the little tree that Setsuna had decorated yesterday. So that wasn't the issue. The problem came in because Michiru's ideas for the perfect holidays were different than mine. In order to properly celebrate we had to sit in front of the tv for several hours watching subtitled "Martha Stewart Living" episodes, order a turkey, get out the good china, decorate our house with about a hundred strings of lights, convince Setsuna and Hotaru to spend an afternoon meticulously cutting out paper snowflakes for our abundant windows, invite the Kaioh Parents, Professor Tomoe, Sushi-San and Dad, and probably that blasted Seiya Kou for Christmas Eve Dinner, cook in the kitchen all night and all day, comfort Michiru when she finally caved and started to cry in the bathroom, make strained conversation with the parents all through dinner, and then finally have indigestion all night long.

Setsuna also apparently had other holiday ideas, as she was conveniently nowhere to be found. But I, as The Girlfriend, had nowhere to run.

Figuring that Michiru was waiting for an answer, I gave a bad one. "We've already pulled out and polished enough good silver for ten people, set up that huge nativity scene in the backyard, complete with life-like sheep, and spent forty-five minutes trying to get the angel on the top of the tree adjusted just so. Later you have me going out to search for an automatic snow-generator in case we don't happen to have a white Christmas. I love you, but this is my day off and there's no way I'm going up to the attic to dig around for a bunch of twisted light strands!"

"Haruka Nao Tenoh!"

I cringed. She had pulled out the big guns.

"Japanese girls don't have middle names," noted a muffled voice.

Confused, I leaned over and pulled up the flap of the sofa. Setsuna and Hotaru, both a little dusty, peered out at me. "I'm not even going to ask," I said.

"How can you have a middle name?" Setsuna pushed. "Hotaru and I don't get to have middle names."

"I've told you before that my mother is nuts," I said. "Besides, she's only half Japanese. She has a middle name, too."

Michiru let out a cry of frustration. "While you two are under there, you'd better do some dusting!"

Having realized that Setsuna had given away their position, the girls hastily grabbed the sofa flap from me and pulled it shut in terror.

Michiru glared at me. "And fine! If you won't help me, I'll just do it myself! I'm the only one who cares about making this Christmas a success, anyway!"

Once she was gone, I put my feet up on the coffee table. "She's got that right."

"Can my middle name be Yuhko?" the muffled Setsuna asked.

&&&&&&

A little while later, I went into the kitchen to make some coffee. As I listened to Michiru's footsteps up on the roof, I battled my feelings of guilt. "Well, she _should_ be the one to handle this!" I reasoned with myself. "This is her gig. But I can at least make her a cup of coffee and try not to complain too much about the automatic snow-generating errand." I sipped my coffee as a noisy plane flew over our house. "Wow, that was pretty loud! Must have been close." I put my empty mug in the sink and started to fill one for Michiru. "Hopefully she's ready for a break. She must be cold up there."

The back door suddenly banged open, which made me jump. Hotaru came tearing in and grabbed me by the sleeve. "Ruka! Michiru-Mama's in trouble!"

"What?" I set down the coffee mug and ran out the door after Hotaru. I followed her around the house to where Setsuna was standing in the front yard, a group of concerned neighbors starting to gather around her. "What happened?" I demanded, looking up at the roof.

Michiru was there on her knees at the top of the roof peak, trembling, her hands tightly clutching the fabric of her blue jeans. She was looking all around her with a wild expression. "I can't...! I can't...!" she was crying in a breathy voice.

Setsuna stared up at her. "I was around back in the garage, looking for some extension cords that she wanted when she suddenly screamed. And now she's like this. I sent Hotaru to get you."

"I didn't hear her," I said, still looking at Michiru. "But...she looks like she's going to jump!"

Hotaru pressed her hands over her mouth. "Oh, don't let her!" she wailed through her fingers.

Setsuna scoffed a little. "Why would she do that? Doesn't she know that she doesn't _have_ to put up all those lights? It was her decision."

I had to admit that jumping off a roof in front of the whole neighborhood in response to being overwhelmed by the Christmas season didn't seem very in character for Michiru, but then again... I looked at Setsuna. "No...I'm not sure if she _does_ know that it's optional. She thinks all these people are expecting miracles from her. And you know she freaks out. You've seen what Christmas does to her. Don't you remember last year? The exploding fruitcake? And we're just getting started!"

Setsuna looked at me with fear. "We have to get her down!"

"No...no...NO!" wailed Michiru. She looked like she was starting to cry.

"Michi, baby! Come down, please!" I called, ignoring the fact that half the neighborhood was standing there watching me and listening.

Michiru ignored me, but continued to kneed the fabric of her jeans and hyperventilate.

"Michiru, now!" I yelled. "It's just Christmas! Don't do this!"

"Please come down, Michiru-Mama!" wailed the teary Hotaru. "You might not be reborn if you jump!"

"Heh heh," laughed Setsuna uneasily as she eyed the curious crowd and covered up Hotaru's mouth with one hand. "Ix-nay on the eborn-ray."

I didn't have time to figure out if that was really Pig-Latin or not, as Michiru teetered dangerously. "No!" I yelled.

"We're coming up for you!" called Setsuna. "Don't move!"

We three ran towards the ladder that was propped against the house, but were cut off short when Michiru gasped out, "NO! Leave me alone! You beasts!"

"What did we _do_?" cried Hotaru."We should have dusted under the sofa!"

Setsuna shook her head. "She's terrified of something. Look at her face."

Michiru's face was indeed livid with terror. "What could have set her off like this?" I choked. My throat was closed from fear.

"Haruka!" Setsuna shook me by the arm. "We have to go up for her whether she likes it or not. Since she won't let us use the ladder, we'll distract her, while you climb up the side of the house."

"Climb up the side of the-" I hesitated, but bit my lip in determination. I would not let the holidays kill Michiru! (Or at the very most break her legs. We only had a one-story house with a small storage attic.)

I snuck around the house as Setsuna and Hotaru started distracting Michiru by singing her a soothing song (which sounded to me like a very poor rendition of "Silent Night"...not the best choice for someone on Holiday Suicide Watch). I, meanwhile, started to scale the drainpipe. I figured this was another one of those moments that the Inners would love. Haruka Nao Tenoh, alias Sailor Uranus, professional drainpipe scaler. Well, it was nice to know I had something to fall back on if my racing career flopped.

By now the singing of "Silent Night" had reached a fevered pitch as the neighbors had all joined in as well, no one bothering much with intonation. I paused for a moment, thinking that if I were Michiru and this singing was the only thing standing between me and leaping off the roof to my doom, Setsuna and Hotaru would already be crying over me.

I poked my head up over the side of the roof and quietly surveyed Michiru. She was still trembling and looking wildly around her, and now she had added a crazed back and forth rocking to the mix - probably in response to her loved ones shrieking that song below her. But what were those things lying all around her?

They were dark and squishy and recently wet. They might have been moving at one time, but now they were mostly frozen. And Michiru was looking from one to the next, muttering, "You beasts! You horrible things! You SEA CUCUMBERS!"

I stared blankly at the sea cucumbers that covered the roof, forming a circle of horror around Michiru. "Huh?" was all I could muster.

Snapping out of it, I snuck up behind Michiru and in one smooth motion, I swooped her up into my arms. She gave a blood-curdling shriek, probably thinking the biggest one of them had finally sprung and was going to drag her down into the murky depths of the nonexistent ocean, but just as quickly clasped her arms around my neck. "SAVE ME! SAVE ME!" she cried, burying her face against my shoulder.

I tottered along the narrow ledge at the top of the roof, Michiru in my arms and ignoring the gasps from below, until I had put some decent space between us and the sea creatures. I then sat down on my butt, Michiru in front of me, still clinging to my neck, and slid down the sloped part. I painfully stopped our decent by jamming my feet against the rain gutter, which brought out more exclamations from the audience. I was then able to take Michiru's wrists and lower her off the side of the roof where Setsuna reached up and grabbed her around the waist, letting her slide down to the ground. I then climbed down the ladder and joined my family to the sounds of applause.

Michiru was clinging to Setsuna, and trembling. "Are they gone? Are they gone?" she was asking over and over.

"Are what gone?" asked Setsuna. "What happened up there?"

"Let's go in the house," I said. "I don't think Michiru would appreciate the neighbors knowing about this one. It's so random and all-together irrational."

&&&&&&

A little while later, I peered out through the curtains in the front window at the stragglers, while Michiru shakily drank some tea. "I wish they'd all go home. Don't they have anything better to do?" I wondered. "We're not coming out!" I yelled through the glass.

"It was sea cucumbers," said Michiru, suddenly. "Tons and tons of horrible, slimy sea cucumbers!"

"There were at least ten," I added.

"Are sea cucumbers scary?" Hotaru asked. "I didn't know they were."

Michiru squeezed her hand. "God help you should you run into one."

"But how did they get on the roof?" asked Setsuna. "They weren't up there when you climbed up. You were up there for quite awhile before you screamed."

"There was an airplane," said Michiru with a shiver. "The airplane dropped them. I don't know how. But they fell from the sky like a great plague!"

Setsuna gasped. "How irresponsible!"

"Michi..." I said gently. "You do know they won't hurt you. They can barely move. And if they landed on the roof, they were probably squished to begin with."

"Poor things..." said Hotaru, her loyalties switching sides.

"But they could have hurt her!" remarked Setsuna, outraged. "If one had hit her, it probably could have killed her. Haven't you ever heard that thing about dropping the penny from the Empire State Building in the United States? Someone should get on the phone right now and complain to the airlines!"

The side of my mouth quirked up. I knew the person doing that wasn't bound to be Setsuna herself. "Anyway," I said, "I think we're going to try something different for Christmas this year. Michiru is officially off the preparations committee. If the relatives are going to come for Christmas Eve, they're going to have to be content with eating sea cucumber for dinner. Setsuna, Hotaru, you can go on up onto the roof now and scrape those things off the shingles."

Michiru leapt up from the sofa, and ran screaming for the bedroom. "Haruka Nao Tenoh! You'd better not!"

No. Haruka Nao Tenoh would not.

&&&&&&

_Happy Belated Holidays, Everyone!_

_Oh, for those of you who don't know, in Michiru's profile in the manga it says that her weakness is sea cucumbers. What this really means I figure is anyone's guess._


End file.
